Singularity: A BTS Universe Story

Chapter Four: Ji-min

June 13th

"How are you today, Park Ji-min?"

"The same." He'd given up trying to talk to the doctors years ago. He just told them whatever they wanted to hear. The new doctor was a pleasant-enough woman his mother's age, but he had no interest in speaking his mind to her. What good would it do?

She consulted her notepad, then sat forward, folding her hands on the desk "Do you see the painting on the wall?"

He looked up, surprised. He never paid much attention to the rooms, they were always the same. He saw the painting she'd mentioned, a landscape in blues and grays.

"What does that painting make you feel?"

He stared at the tall mountains, awash in foggy gray. A forest below, trees pressed tight together on the canvas. "Tired."

"Does the painting make you feel tired, or were you tired before you looked at it?"

He looked at her, surprised.

"Your file and bloodwork tells me that most of your symptoms could be controlled with the proper medication, yet you've never been prescribed anything."

"My parents don't believe in medication."

Her eyebrows rose slightly. "Yes. I've spoken to them."

"Well, that's why."

"I see." She pinched her lips together, and then said, "But you don't feel the same, do you?"

He stared at her, surprised. No doctor had ever dared to broach the subject with him before, in direct accordance with his parents' wishes. 

"Well? Do you?"

"No." He would do anything to feel better, more alive. Happy.

She nodded thoughtfully. "I thought so." She made a note, then looked at him again. "Your parents tell me you have a large group of friends that you see often."

"Yeah." He frowned. "Well, we were together a lot, but two of them had a fight so things are..."

"Tense?"

"Yeah." He'd worried about them all after returning home last night. Maybe they didn't feel the same, but he thought his life would be different, empty, without them.

"What are you going to do?" the doctor asked.

"What can I do?"

"I don't know. What do friends do for one another when things are difficult?" She smiled at him, daring him to figure it out for himself. 

"I can talk to them."

Her smile widened. "Yes. You can." Suddenly, she grew serious, her eyes locking with his. "When you were younger you attempted to drown yourself in your bathtub."

He looked away, ashamed. Of course she knew, she had the file. Only the doctors who read the file, and his parents, knew. 

"Look at me, Park Ji-min." 

Her commanding tone drew his eyes to hers. "You will tell me if you feel that way again, yes?"

"Yes," he muttered.

She shook her head, suddenly slamming her hands on the table. He jumped. "I will be speaking with your parents and I will recommend medication for you. They'll resist, perhaps they'll try to fire me, but I won't let them, okay?"

"You what?"

"You heard me." She put down her pen and crossed her arms. "It occurs to me that no one ever fought for you They went with whatever your parents said and not what was in your best interests, and for that you've suffered needlessly."

He didn't know what to say. No doctor had ever spoke to him this way, as if he were more than just a patient name on a roster. 

"Your friend gave my card to your parents, you know."

He sat forward. "What? Who?"

"He came to see me not long ago; asked me what I'd do in a situation with a family like yours. When your father called me, I knew he'd been speaking of you. His name was Kim Seok-jin, I believe."

"Kim Seok-jin?" He knew he was only repeating her words because he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "He told my parents about you?"

"He did. I promised him I'd fight for you." She smiled. "You have good friends. Don't let them argue and fight for too long, okay?"

"Do you think..." he couldn't form the words.  "Do you think my parents will agree?" His whole life they'd been steadfastly against medicating their son, even after he'd tried to take his own life.

"I believe they've resisted this long out of fear for you," she said. "Fear of stigmatizing you, or fear of harming you. But I'll teach them." She reached across the table and covered his hand with hers. "You've suffered long enough."

He put his head down, pressing his forehead against their hands as he cried. Cried for all the years he'd lost to the blank white sadness that tried to envelope him. She handed him a tissue when he raised his head. 

"We must work together, Park Ji-min, but you will overcome this."

He wiped his eyes. "Yes. Okay."

"Good!" She closed his file, eyes bright. "Come back tomorrow, okay? And tell Kim Seok-jin I plan to keep my promise."

She left, and Ji-min was alone in the room He was shaking; too afraid to believe that this might be real. Would he actually be able to live his life normally? Would he be able to trust happiness without feeling terrified that it was only a prelude to the crash?

He looked at the painting again, astounded at how hope could change it so quickly. He saw the birds now, flying over the mountains. The trees were shadowed still, but the subtle rays of sunlight were visible now. 

He thought of Kim Seok-jin. How had he known to find this doctor? How had he convinced Ji-min's parents to hire her? Their other friends were hurting right now, too. Yoon-gi and Jung-kooks's words were hurtful and now they were alone to deal with their pain. 

Ji-min stood. If Kim Seok-jin could be a hero, then he could, too. He could help save the only thing that had kept him going for the last year. He was energized. He'd help Jin save everyone, bring them back together where they belonged.