Book Reviews

Kaise Mujhe Tum Mil Gayi

Story Statistics

Name: Kaise Mujhe Tum Mil Gayi

Author: cuteshatakshi

Number of completed chapters: 6 + Character sketch

Number of chapters read: 5

Genre: Fan Fiction

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A particularly haunting line from 2016's Bollywood release Kapoor & Sons (Since 1921) has remained with me over the years, very well engraved in my memory.

Tia and Arjun are on a playful date at a cemetery. Out of jest, they start to discuss what they would write on their epitaphs if given a chance. However, things take a somber turn when Arjun finally reveals the lines he'd like to have engraved on his tombstone.

"Aakhri baar likh raha hoon. Ho sake, toh kahaani yaad rakhna." He says, in a rather dejected voice.

It's at this moment that you truly understand how frustrated he is for being nothing but 'average'. Always in the shadow of his elder brother Rahul, he hopes that at least in death, someone will give his talent the respect it actually deserves.

Arjun might have been a fictional character but the insecurity he feels is quite relatable. Because that's what we human beings are afraid of, aren't we? Not being tagged as notorious or infamous, but being completely and utterly, forgotten.

Being the cinephile that I am, I couldn't help but recall this scene as I read the first few chapters of your story –'Kaise Mujhe Tum Mil Gayi'.

Why so? You may ask. I'll do my best to articulate the reason through this review.

First of all, a word or two about the cover. It's fairly neat and basic, and quite an adequate representation of the flavor of the story. However, I do feel that the title of the story needs to be larger than the word- 'Manan'. Of course you want people to know that it's a Manan fan fiction, but it's your title that should be in the spotlight. Because that's what I'm assuming you're here to do. Tell a story. Manik and Nandini are simply a highly effective means to an end.

The title of the story obviously evokes memories of the beautiful (and rather melancholic) song of the same name from the film 'Ghajini'. Which begs the question, does the tone of the song suit the tone of the story? The first four chapters are rather light-hearted. Things only get a tad serious in chapter five. So, you have to use your judgement here. What's the overarching tenor of your story? Is it going to be emotionally heavy as it progresses? Because I can guarantee that this is the connotation readers will have in their brain once they see the title. By chance if it isn't, you might want to rethink the title.

Now let's get to the character sketches. I know this might create a slight controversy, but my personal opinion is that there should be no explicit character sketches at all. The readers should be given small details about the character throughout the story, and that in turn will sketch their characters automatically. Their expressions, their emotions, their mannerisms and behavior should all be brought out through your writing instead of a measly paragraph at the beginning of the story. 

Characters are the most dynamic part of a story. What if the turn your story eventually takes doesn't suit the sketch you've conceived beforehand? Because, over the past two years I've realized that most Wattpad writers are actually making it up as they go. Almost no one has the entire scene-wise plot in their head when they begin to write. Not even me. If you must specify the cast, do so with pictures, but don't offer any descriptions. On the other hand, using pictures to describe a household is much too easy a way out. Try your best to use words instead.

From the chapters that I've read, the main plot seems to be about a pair of childhood friends-Manik and Nandini rediscovering their feelings for one another when they meet after a period of five years. It's an overdone premise according to me, but I'm all for some non-clichéd events in this subset of Manan fan fictions. However, the events are rather run of the mill until the fifth chapter, where Nandini's supposed ex makes an entrance. The fifth chapter does raise enough curiosity for the reader to go on to the sixth, I'll admit.

Manik and Nandini have an awkwardly sweet relationship in the story so far, and their development has been decent. But I must say, I need more of a back story as to why they lost contact. I'm not asking you to reveal it all in one go, but perhaps you can have bits of dramatic irony, where you reveal portions of the truth to the readers, but Nandini is unaware of it.

The story has a lot of Hindi dialogues, more so than most Manan fan fictions. That's absolutely alright. 'Kaisi Yeh Yaariaan' is after all, a Hindi television show. However, the sort of irreverence used when Manik and Nandini talk to each other seems a little out of place. I understand that they're childhood friends in the story but it's still hard to imagine Manik and Nandini addressing each other as 'tu' or 'tujhe'.

There's a reason why everyone's so gaga over the scene in season 2 where Manik says. "Ab toh smile kar de. Tera hero aa gaya hai. Chal."

It's because he's never used that sort of playful irreverence to address her before, and it comes as a pleasant surprise.

I'm only bringing up this point because the setting and personality traits you've chosen are very similar to 'Kaisi Yeh Yaariaan'. Thus, their dialogue seems completely out of character. On the other hand, if you'd picked a universe far disconnected from the one in 'Kaisi Yeh Yaariaan' (like I've done in 'The Window'), then I wouldn't mind it because I'd be seeing them as completely different people.

The writing of the story is quite smooth, with tenses more or less consistently maintained. This fact is definitely worthy of praise since a lot of writers aren't able to overcome this hurdle. However, there's a formatting error that plagues this book throughout. Usually when you write a sentence in double quotes, you do not put any punctuation following the end quotes. You've done exactly that ample number of times.

For example, consider the first sentence in double quotes-

"Hello", I received a call.

This sentence can be correctly written as-

"Hello." I received a call.

Or some authors (Mary Kubica, writer of 'The Good Girl', comes to mind immediately) even use the less popular-

"Hello," I received a call.

Even though your technique is more or less correct, I couldn't help but feel that the writing was overall, a tad insipid. I don't remember the chapter number exactly, but I do remember Nandini saying-'After having something, we went...'

What is the something? Is it the aaloo paratha, as you've brought up in the following chapter? Is it a food item she doesn't like? Does she not like food at all? All these tidbits could have been given in this chapter itself, instead of the next one, which would've served to flesh out her character more effectively. Furthermore, when Nandini goes to the Malhotra house for dinner, the conversation during dinner isn't described at all.

You might think that all this information is unnecessary, but the devil is quite literally in the details. Any published book will teach you that a half-baked world does not a successful fictional universe make.

It's with this that I finally come full circle and reiterate the scene I'd brought up from Kapoor & Sons. At present, your work is pretty standard. Akin to what Arjun felt- not much better than 'average'. That doesn't however, mean that you lack the potential to rise above it. Quite frankly, it means the exact opposite. We are often the hardest on those who we know have the capability to improve, and the same logic applies here.

Would you rather write a middling tale ridden with clichés and be contented or stretch your writing muscles and get out of your comfort zone? The former might earn you some form of ephemeral fame but the latter will save you from fading into oblivion in the long run.

I've said my piece. Now, the rest is up to you.

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Do give the story a read, guys. Feel free to share your feedback here.