Book Reviews

Deal Of Hearts

Story Statistics

Name: Deal Of Hearts

Author: @_dreamynightmare_

Completed Chapters: 6

Number of chapters read: 5

Genre: Fan Fiction

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As I completed reading the first few chapters of 'Deal of Hearts', I was reminded of a famous Latin phrase, which also happens to be one of the main ideologies of the Freemasons.

Ordo Ab Chao.

Quite simply put, it translates into 'Order, out of chaos' in English. It might sound paradoxical, but quite often, chaos creates a conducive environment for a particular individual to flourish or prosper.

Filmmakers and writers too have used chaotic structures and situations in their works of art, with great success. 'Rockstar' is lauded as one of Imtiaz Ali's best films but many may argue that it's structurally disjointed and for the lack of a better word, 'messy'. The line that he treads is always a blurred one, since the very same messiness (and laziness, might I add) led to the failure of  his last film, 'Jab Harry Met Sejal'.

What does a Latin phrase have to do with a Manan fan fiction? You may wonder. As always, you'll find out as I proceed with the review.

First up, is the cover. I love the monochromatic edit of Manik and Nandini, but why doesn't it have the title of the story on it? Also, why does it have a different username on it? I'm assuming it's the cover editor's. But all these questions and assumptions are bound to pop up in your readers' heads as they see the cover. And trust me, sometimes confused readers may decide to give the story a miss.

From the blurb (which actually sounds interesting, because I've almost never read a Manan fan fiction where Manik's academic brilliance is his main personality trait), starts a problem that's prevalent throughout the entire stretch of five chapters. A problem where you seem to ignore the existence of all punctuation symbols except for the full stop. Quite frankly, the entire book reads like a grammar exercise in school that requires the students to insert punctuation into a passage, wherever necessary.

Punctuation is a very important part of writing. Quite often, it even conveys the emotions of the characters.

Consider, the following sentence-

"Friday?" He asked.

It shows that 'He' is doubtful or unsure.

"Friday!" He exclaimed.

It could show extreme anger or happiness.

"Friday." He said.

It shows a certain neutral assertiveness.

Also, to continue the grammar exercise analogy- the fact that the whole story is in indirect speech also makes it read like a task to convert a passage written in direct speech to indirect form. 

You may not realise, but writing in indirect speech is actually a very difficult task. Very few writers have been able to accomplish it successfully (only Pankaj Mishra's travelogue-Butter Chicken in Ludhiana, comes to mind), and I'd advise you to start writing in direct speech to make things easier for yourself.

The plot of the story so far...well, I'm at a loss. I must confess that I don't really understand much of the plot. The first chapter has Nandini punching Manik in a rose garden, after which I'd assumed, a rivalry would start between them. But I was proven wrong when the next chapter jumped forward by (correct me if I'm wrong) eight years? Cut to the third chapter (which is very suspiciously named chapter 2), where Manik and Nandini's character sketches have been specified (which as I've mentioned is something I disapprove of, in an earlier review).

I have a few questions, here. Why would a character sketch be given after the first two chapters? Why are the chapter names swapped for two and three? Why does the fourth chapter jump back in time all over again, without even specifying it? Why does the fifth recite the contents of the first chapter (which is breathtakingly minuscule) all over again with barely any details to add? What's a 'what' (without the single quotes, of course) expression exactly? How is Manik's mom supposed to be 'on' the gate? At what point did you think that it would be the correct preposition to use in that sentence?

Sorry, I got off the point there. But I do have a feeling that I'll take these questions (and many more) to my grave.

My point is that the book is acutely chaotic, with hardly any order or structure to be derived from it. The attempt to make the story non-linear has inadvertently worsened the narrative to a point where I believe it needs a rewrite. And rewrite it you must, for the version of Manik and Nandini promised by the character sketches does have potential to make for an engaging story.

I admire your courage for putting your story up on a public platform. But now, I need you to be even more courageous. I need you to put your writing on hold temporarily and go back to reading. And when I say 'reading', I don't mean Manan fan fictions. I mean published books, written by acclaimed authors. From Gillian Flynn to Vikram Seth, or even Chetan Bhagat for that matter (if you only like reading light frivolous writing), I need you to read all of it. And while you're reading, observe sentence structures, the formatting between paragraphs, the use of punctuation and much more. Google the words you don't know the meanings of, instead of brushing it aside for later.

If you comply with my request for a month or two, you'll see the difference it makes in your writing. It'll only be an upward journey from there! And deriving order from chaos, will finally be your strength instead of a vexing frailty.

*****

Do give the story a read, guys. Feel free to share your feedback here.