ELIZA

O•N•E

And here you are living despite it all

-Rupi Kaur

The first thing I notice after I wake up from my terrible sleep are the cold hands against both my upper arms. They lift me up like I'm a dirty potato bag. My poor legs and feet, which are full of bruises, cannot react so quickly. So they come along with the rest of my body.

Cold corridors with iron doors open with a crunch and every time at that sound I pull my face. This crunch is driving me crazy. I wonder if this is the day I'm going to die? Or will I be thrown on the floor like rubbish and jostled by a crowd? I swallow the fat lump that forms its way into my throat. I wonder how many people have lost their lives in these four walls? I wonder how much suffering has happened in here. I wonder how many prayers have been done.

Steel chair, burning through my night dress. I want to get up, but I know it's forbidden. No power, useless. Long table made of old wood, for twenty. A crown, a king. Powerful, questionable. King Miles Angus Mcknight stares at me, his black eyes don't even want to look in my direction, but he has to, he has to look at this disgusting murderess in front of him, he has to prove once again to himself that he hates me and that I have to die so he is happy again. He screams for it, his eyes tell me everything. He thinks everything unjust has to be eliminated, but isn't he the one who spreads injustice in the first place?

"Aloha and Harley, you both can leave", his voice colder than the early winter morning."You were one of my dearest friends" he says but his voice without any emotion. Where are the emotions, do I really deserve none, none at all?

He stands up, his height and body language show me that he really is a king, that he lives as a king, and that he is the only one that fits so well into his role in this damned world. He stares out of the huge window and turns his back on me, but that's okay with me. It wasn't the first time he did that. That he turned his back to protect himself from the truth like a shield.I close my eyes, I can't stand looking at his back any longer.

"I trusted you but you", quiet, slow, hot "You betrayed me, you took her from me and I should kill you, with my bare hands, here and now", a short laugh, cold and not amusing. Forced and played. "But no, no, no, I'm not like you. I don't kill my friends, not even if they killed me."

Funny, that he thinks he's saving me even though he killed me before. He already pulled the trigger and hit me when he didn't believed me, let me down, even though everything was shouting for truth, he looked for a lie and clung to it like a scared animal.

I would like to say something, explain everything to him again, but my tongue is stuck and only his magic can open it again. Emptiness in me, breathe in and out, in and out. No time for tears."I'll send you away to another court where I registered you as a maid in the royal family. You will live there from now on and I will never hear from you again and you will also hear nothing from me and your old life. But don't be too happy, everyone knows that you killed the queen and they will treat you accordingly. "

I open my eyes and stare straight at his face. Hope. Relief but no gratitude. Why too? If I had a tongue I would beg him to kill me. Or if he gave me an iron sword I would ram it into my broken heart and disappear forever. My honor, my pride were torn from me like a rose by curious children. What good does it do if I exist? I was already dead.

I get up without any help or permission. I turn around shaking with furry, on my feet I walk through the door. The first thing I will do after I get out of here is to kill myself. This life is forbidden for me and something that is forbidden belongs untouched. Two strong Hands grab me and I was thrown back into my hole. How long would I stay here? Maybe I could get a new life after all. Maybe I could take off somewhere else, where nobody knows me. Where lies don't haunt me like a second skin.

But where would I go? How would I live? Would I ever forgive myself for giving up? Could I look at myself in the mirror again? Could I ever trust someone again? But if I kill myself, I would be a coward. No fighter, less warrior. Could I life with myself knowing what people done to me? How did I end up like this? Trapped like a rat. Moaning to get free.

Sometimes you never know what will happen to you. You truly can lose everything in a second. A night, a time, an hour. There just has to be a reason.

"Only for a minute", the door of my cell opens and I look up to stormy blue eyes and know immediately who my visitor is. He kneels in front of me. Warm Hands on my cheek, I lean onto it. Needing more of this kindness that I am craving for.

"I believe you, I believe you, I do. I know you are Innocent and I am going to prove it. They all going to be sorry so sorry", his shiny eyes full of tears, waiting to be let free, looking at me. Hopeful. I try so hard to raise my arm and touch his salty tears. But nothing moves but I let go of my pride for once and leave one or two tears run through my face. Dry throat.

Please, please, please let this be a nightmare.

But it is hard to wake up from a nightmare if you aren't even asleep.

Hello my dear, I thank you with all my heart for reading my story and if you liked this chapter I would be happy for a vote. Otherwise I wish you a nice day.

Be safe.

xoxo