Hamartia (Royce)

4.6

Chresanto's P.O.V.

"Stop following me, Chresanto" Jacob murmured, he was walking down the sidewalk and I was following him. He was smoking a cigarette and I figured it was to try and calm him down after what just occurred. Many things happened at Kids United after he exited Ms. Sylvia's office and I was still struggling to wrap my head around it all. "Go home".

"I'm not just going to let you walk around out here at this hour, Jacob" I replied, I was tired and upset. My mind replaying the words he had spoken not too long ago.

"I don't know why, it's not like you care".

I rolled my eyes, "could you stop saying shit like that? I do care, if I didn't I wouldn't be following your ass".

"No one's telling you to do that" he replied. I realized we were at the park when he sat on a picnic table, I folded my arms over my chest, squinting my eyes to see him clearly. I had light from a light post, but it was barely enough for me to see him.

"Why can't you just accept the fact that people care, Jacob!?" I asked, "huh? You have people that care for you, and I know that may scare you, but you've got to fucking get over it".

He didn't say anything as he tapped the ash away from his cigarette. He looked at me as he took a drag from the toxic stick. "Anything else?" He questioned, he looked at his hands. "Hm?"

I frowned, "why do you do this to yourself? Why do you push people away? Believe it or not, Jacob, you're the cause of all your pain. No one understands what you're going through, especially with your eating disorder, and that's because you aren't talking to us. No one's going to judge you if that's what you're afraid of".

He shook his head a little, "that's not what I'm afraid of".

"Then what is it, Jacob?" I asked, he wouldn't look at me, and it hurt to know that he was keeping something from me. He twirled the cigarette in between his fingers, he stood up.

"It doesn't matter" he murmured, "you won't understand".

"How do you know? How do you know I'm not going to understand when you won't tell me in the first place? You can't just have a small breakdown and expect me to know what to do". I felt like he was losing trust in me, I furrowed my eyebrows, had he ever had trust in me to begin with? A wave of frustration washed over me as I stood there.

"Do you know how much shit you've put me through?" I asked in frustration.

"Hey, you're the one that signed up for this, toots" Jacob said casually as he tapped the ash from his cigarette. "I warned you about the dangers of hanging around me, but yet... You stayed".

"I stayed because everyone else in your life left you!" I exclaimed in disbelief, "I was doing you a favor!"

"A favor that I didn't fucking ask for!" He shot back. "I didn't ask you to befriend me, Chresanto". He turned away, "I was doing just fine on my own".

"Oh, yeah, sure. You call binge drinking and chain smoking fine? And hiding a huge secret from me!? You do all that shit just to get away from your problems, but you're only creating more" I said in utter dissatisfaction. "You're a fucking wreck! A big ass flaw!"

He suddenly turned around, he looked as if he was holding back tears, "I know what the fuck I am, Chresanto! I've been told many times before, stop telling me old shit!" He looked away from me. "I know I'm a walking hamartia".

"Call it whatever the hell you want, Jacob" I stated, "putting a fancy word to it, isn't going to make anything change".

"I'm aware" he murmured, he was working on his second cigarette of the night. He pulled at his hair, "God, you just... You don't understand".