My Freakin Thoughts

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So, my friend has had some family problems recently and I feel really bad so I'm dedicating this chappy to him. He just lost his stepdad and stepbrother... he and his are going through some rough times so please be thinking about him, even tho hes a random person you never met..
Let's have moment of silence...

Also, I just wanna say something.
All the time people die. It's sad, yes, but very true.

And we feel kind of bad, but we move on easy because we dont know these people.

I mean, think about it, at least one person dies every twelve seconds on average, that's like 7,000 something people dying every day.

Maybe a few were people you knew, but most are nameless to you. Most of those deaths you had probably never met once in your life.

Do you let them haunt you?
Probably not. If you do then you're probably one of the kindest people out there.

But, when its somebody you know, you hurt so bad and you might cry or something and it just isnt a good feeling.

Those other people who died, most likely had loved ones too. If they didnt, then not many people probably mourned them.

And what hurts so much is when its somebody that you trusted more than anyone else. Because it means that they are gone and you either have to find a new person to confide in, or your feelings will boil inside you and it will be painful.

I've only known loss a few times...
The first was my best friend Kyle, who lived right next door to me. He was my best friend and like a brother to me. He always dreamed of flying in helicopters, and eventually becoming a pilot when he got older. When he had a seizure or heart attack or something one day, he died, and he was being taken to the hospital in the very moment when he did, in a helicopter. I cried for a long time and it hurt really bad because I knew he wouldnt come back. The second time was my great grandfather who we visited in the nursing home multiple times. He died in his sleep and many people cried... I couldnt because I didnt know him well and I didnt feel sad, nor did I feel happy because I knew him a bit, but my grandmother cried and cried and cried because he was the only family she had left besides my grandfather.
I felt bad and all, but I wasnt crying about it because I barely knew him.
The third is my great grandfather on the other side who I knew as a baby and he died froma bloodclot in his brain. Now, whenever I think about it, i cry because i know that i was close to him even though I was like 4 when he died. It's funny how that works sometimes, you can cry over somebody you never really understanded that you had met, but the person you remember meeting, you dont cry about as much...

Anyways, like i said in the chapter before, I absolutely hate pity so that's another reason I hate deaths is because, even if I barely knew the person, everyone feels they have to pity me for it. Literally I have never met my friends family and when they died everyone tried comforting me.

When my family tries to comfort me, I lock myself in my room. I think that they think I'm crying or something, or going into a depression, which I have never done so it's kinda weird... but really, I'm just trying to get away from the pity, no, I'm not crazy, I dont pretend they're still alive, i know that they are dead, I just hate it when people dont believe me and when even though I say I dont need it, people still feel the need to comfort me.

I'm a bit insensitive sometimes, yes, but I also am really insecure. There are multiple situations that would tear me apart. And there are multiple situations that would be easy for me to go through. I laugh when I'm scared, not because I laugh at fear itself, but because my mind tries to find ways to cope with it.

I laughed when my best friends pet rat hung himself on accident... he died. He was also my favorite pet of all of my friends pets and she had a ton of pets from a giant lizard, to three dogs, to 2 cats, to a snake, to some smaller lizards, to a hedgehog.
My options were big but Gus-Gus was always my favorite.. she even had another rat named Scabbers!! Which from the name, I should have loved! And I did, I just liked Gus more.

So yea, if you random people ever meet me and you tell me your grandma just died I'm probably gonna laugh, cause I dont know how to deal with situations like that...