Apex

03 | birds of a feather

MAY 15

ALLIX

Anyone who said it was possible to look good after running was wrong.

Staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I grimaced. Between my sweat-slick hair and clammy complexion, I was quite literally a hot mess. Running twice in one day wasn't one of my healthier habits, but I'd resolved to cut myself some slack; in fact, I deserved some slack since I was meeting with Maud later in the evening.

Pushing a stray flyaway out of my eyes, I reread the exchange on my phone.

ALLIX MCGOVERN, 4:40 PM: I won't make any excuses, I'm just sorry. Can we talk later?

MAUD HAMILTON, 4:42 PM: If you talk, I'll listen.

MAUD HAMILTON, 5:45 PM: Can we meet at the north marina at 7?

ALLIX MCGOVERN, 5:46 PM: Sure, see you there.

It had taken me a full twenty minutes of staring at my first drafted text before finally working up the nerve to hit send. I'd then proceeded to stash my phone beneath a pillow and departed for my second run of the day. It was my way of coping with stress. It was my way of avoiding my sick desire to bolt into the bathroom and throw up. It was my way of staying in control.

Meeting my gaze in the mirror, I took three steady breaths. "You're fine," I declared. "You're perfectly fine."

That was a lie, obviously. I was not fine, but maybe one day I would be. I needed to believe that, and so did my friends.

The text I'd received from Syd hadn't caught me off guard. It was a happy coincidence that our respective mothers both taught second grade at the local elementary school, and I'd figured that it was only a matter of time before my chatty mother mentioned that I'd returned to the island.

While Teresa McGovern had no qualms or issues about keeping my health concerns private, there wasn't any harm in telling people that I was home. That was how she viewed it, at least. Therefore, if Mrs. Atwood had received the news, her sunny extroverted son would be looped in. The only measure he'd needed to take before reaching out to me would be to consult Maud.

Syd and Maud were always hanging out. Maybe it was the outcome of being life-long neighbors or the fact that they were platonic soulmates. Personally, I thought it was both. In high school, Dakota regularly joked that he was dating Syd too. Maud would laugh while Syd threatened to whack him on the head with a textbook. It was amusing because it was true; seeing one without the other was a rare and jarring sight.

So, when Syd's text appeared on my phone, I was pretty damn sure that he was in the company of Maud. I practically felt her passive-aggressive energy radiating through cyberspace. She would meet up with me, but she wasn't exactly looking forward to it. And in many ways, neither was I.

I spent the next thirty minutes showering and contemplating my outfit choice because looking half-put together while stressed out was yet another coping mechanism that I relied on these days.  In my experience, people were less likely to pay attention to the scars on my forearms or just how far my collar bones protrude when they complimented my outfit.

When I emerged from the bathroom half-dressed and my hair dripping wet, I expelled a vaguely irritated sigh. I wasn't alone in my bedroom.

"Two runs in one day," Rowena McGovern said instead of a proper greeting. She was leaning against the doorframe, her blue eyes narrowed and arms crossed in front of the NYU seal on a purple crewneck that belonged to me. "Don't you think that's a little obsessive?"