Only Numb

Chapter One

I'm regretting every moment of this, If I had the choice I'd be in my bed watching Netflix

"FUCK"

I say as I'm gripping the steering wheel harder and harder. The thing is, I had a massive mental breakdown and now I'm required to see a lady and talk about my issues. Everyone has issues the only issues I have is that I can't handle mine. I step out of my car into the freezing cold and walk inside only to see a well put together receptionist, how does someone have that much energy at eight o'clock in the morning.

" Ah good to see you, you must be Kari"

" Uh yea that's me I'm here to see Mrs. Barns"

All I could think is who the fuck has a last name like that?

I guess I'm kind of an asshole but who isn't , I take my seat and wait; slowly dreading having to walk into that room. All of a sudden a tall woman walks out I look at my phone so I don't look eager.

" Mrs. Alder?"

I look back up nope too eager I think to myself

" Yeah that's me"

" well I'm Mrs. Barns"

Again who has a last name like that and why does it bother me so much. We walk into her office it's kind of dark in here like low dimmed I guess to "set the mood" to talk about issues, a calm atmosphere if you will. I flop right onto the tiny leather couch and she sat behind her desk .

"Alright Kari, what brings you here today?"

a million things go through my head thinking as to why I'm here.

What else could I have said? do I start from the beginning? or do I talk about what's going on
now?

" Umm well, my life is pretty fucked up I guess"

" Maybe try going into more detail about that"

I sit there and try to gather my thoughts, a million things are just popping into my head.

" I'll just start at the beginning, my parents divorced when I was two years old"

" Do you think it impacted you a lot growing up?"

" Well yeah, I mean when your father doesn't go to any doctors appointments and your mother
involves you into their divorce issues at the age of six, it kinda fucks you up"

"Did you parents ever remarry?'

" Mom got married to an asshole and my dad married twice, both bitches I mean why date for six years get married then 2 years later leave because you can't handle our family?"

" Was that your step dad or one of your father's wives?"

" His second wife"

" I see"

" tell me more about your life growing up"

" Well I was diagnosed with epilepsy at ten, like I said my father never went to any appointments but he thinks he's right about everything, if I had a seizure he was never sympathetic. Always blaming me."

" So would you say your mother was around most of the time?"

" I'm not sure I would say that, she worked a lot but she did take me to my appointments she was the only one who will ever understand what I go through, so I guess I got lucky."

" Well, our time is up for today but I would like to see you every week still."

I get up and grab my purse and head to the door.

" sounds good to me, I have to many issues as is"

" try and stay positive Mrs. Alder"

I nod and head out the door, the receptionist hands me my appointment card and I head out to the cold parking lot. On my way home all I can think of is the boring life I have, Yes I'm married good job, two dogs, but still. My husband is still an asshole and we are hardly getting by.

I cant wait to just have a cigarette, get into my pajamas, lay in bed and watch tv.

⨳⨳⨳

After the long excruciating thirty minute drive, I just sit in the drive way, only to remind myself what bullshit my husband with come up with when I get through the door.

Lets just get the shit over with, If he's playing video games and drinking I'm fucked

but then again maybe I can get to bed unnoticed.

I open the door take my shoes off looking at him making sure I go unnoticed.

Okay I guess i'm in the clear

"hey there"

" Oh hey"

Fuck

" Why didn't you call when you were done?"

" Because I was heading straight home? why ?"

" Well I wanted to know how it went"

" Yeah but I would've told you when I got home"

" Well you were supposed to text me when you left, I saw your location and you didn't tell me"

" why do you need to keep track of me all the time?"

" I have to make sure you're not lying to me"

" I'm going to the bedroom I don't want to deal with this shit"

I leave before he could say another word, It'd probably be about how annoying I am or how I'm such a "liar". I'm a grown ass adult I don't need some tracker on me 24/7.

Sometimes I just want to be alone, why did I even get married in the first place?

Me and my husband Ben got married way too quick, but I was a dumbass and thought

Oh three months is long enough to know I want to spend forever with you aheh.

But no, I just married some douche who gropes my tits and ass whenever he pleases thinking that'll get me to fuck him. In what world would that get someone to fuck you?

I mean unless you're into that, but I'm not, no judgement to the ones who are though.

I get upstairs, put my pajamas on and go to the balcony and light my cigarette and take slow drags. the quiet neighborhood is the only thing that could quiet my thoughts. I always look up into the sky though. thinking of my oma, she passed away but she would always talk about how the sky was so beautiful, endless beauty she would say. She always took care of
me since my parents were busy growing up. Just like her and everyone else in my family she was very stubborn.

"KARI GET THE FUCK DOWN HERE"

I finished my cigarette and roll my eyes

He's drunk again, yet it's only ten am

" Yes?"

" Why can't you be like any other wife and clean this god forsaken house?"

" What the fuck are you talking about?! that's all I do around here"

He quickly get's closer and grips my face, I'm terrified of what could happen next.