Strip My Heart Bare

Chapter 9 - Friends First

Edited 10/5/21

Trigger Warning: Sexual Content, References to Rape

Joshua's POV

That night

Hannah's back is to me as begins to leave my office. I grab her wrist, stopping her. For a moment, nothing exists. It's only her and me and everything falls away. In the blink of an eye we come together, lips colliding. Through our clothing, I can feel the heat from her body. I want to be closer. Pulling her toward my office chair, I sit, moving her to sit on my lap, straddling me. My god. I kiss her again, deeper. Her hips grind into my growing erection. My hands rest on her waist, traveling up until I can cup her-

I sit upright, sweat coating my skin. What the actual *censored*? I look around and realized I'm in my bedroom. Hannah is nowhere to be found. What kind of a dream did I just have?

Rolling over in bed, I look at the clock. Its 3 am, and the rest of the castle is sleeping. I decide to take a cold shower and return to sleep for a few hours. I'm not sure I'll be able to look at Hannah after the dream I just had. What's happening to me?

Hannah's POV

That Same Time

I open my eyes, confused. Above me is an unfamiliar ceiling and for a moment I'm confused as to why I'm still clothed. Wasn't I just in Joshua's room? Was I dreaming? I haven't dreamt that vividly in a long time.

I sit up, checking the time. Its too early to wake up, but I'm not sure I want to sleep. Then again...if it's another dream like that...no. I can't do this. I have to stop thinking about Joshua like that. I lay back down and try to go back to sleep, praying that I don't have another dream like that.

A Few Hours Later

I'm reading in the library when Joshua enters. Seeing him after last night's kiss and that dream...I don't know what to do. I stand and curtsy, hoping he's here to cancel tonight's lesson.

"When we started our lessons, you talked about things I wasn't ready for," he says, his cheeks coloring.

"Yes, I did." I don't know where this is going, and I'm scared to ask.

"What are those things, and why am I not ready for them?"

"Well," my answer faulters, "uh...foreplay...sex...You don't have much experience, and sex can be traumatizing if you aren't ready."

He nods. "Were you?"

"Was I what?"

"Were you ready?"

I pause. "No, I wasn't." I wonder for a moment if I should tell him more, but before I can stop myself, it comes pouring out, "I was in a bad situation and I had no control. I was only a child, but I had my baby sister to think about." I stop myself from saying more. I'm not even sure I could say more. How do you tell another person about your deepest scars? The filthy hands that pawed at your flesh? How do you describe the feeling of constantly being dirty? The way you scrub your skin raw in the shower and it still isn't enough to wash their touch away? What could you possibly say to describe the numbness you feel inside?

"You couldn't have been more than thirteen."

"It was my fourteenth birthday."

"My god," his eyes widened as he collapsed into the chair behind him, blood draining from his face. We sit in silence for a few moments before I decide to speak up.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, don't apologize."

"Are you not going to fire me?"

He looks up from the floor. "Why would I do that?"

"I don't know. I'm not exactly fit to be tutoring royalty."

"I'm not sure how to respond, but I...I know you're not a bad person. I don't see any reason to punish you for something you had no control over." We stare into each other's eyes for a moment. He looks at me without any judgment, and I can't help but feel warm.

"Thank you for your faith in me."

"Of course."

"You know, becoming friends with a potential partner is just as important as all the physical stuff. I think you're doing a fine job."

The blood returned to his cheeks. "That reminds me. I had told you briefly about a dinner party I wanted to attend with you. It's next week in Philip."

"Oh, right. I had forgotten. Thank you," I smile. Maybe this could be more than business. Maybe we could be friends?

We chat for a few more minutes before Joshua leaves. He didn't ask me anymore about my past, but I can tell he was curious. I know he'll want more answers later, but for now, I can ignore that and focus on teaching him all I can. Then maybe I can put all of this behind me.

Joshua's POV

That night, just before their lesson

I'm having trouble processing Hannah's story. Granted, I still don't know that much. When she was fourteen, she had sex for the first time. Fast forward a few years and she met me. Then we meet again a few years after that and she's working as a waitress and a dancer while taking care of her sister. She also has unexplained medical knowledge. The more I think about it, the more confused I get. She sounded so sad earlier when she talked about her first time. Was she raped or selling herself? I want to know more, but something tells me the answer is complicated.

The seconds on the clock tick by as I wait for Hannah to come in. If I find out the truth, where would that leave us? Would we still be friends? Would I have to let her go? I'm not sure I want to know the answer.

The door opens and she walks in. She's graceful and poised as she takes a seat across from me.

"Tonight," she says, "we'll learn how to read body language during a polite conversation."

I nod, pushing all other thoughts away. I need to focus. Answers can come later.

Thanks for reading!