Awakening to Life

Awakening to Life 8

Chapter 8

Finally, after days of confinement in the hospital and epic Scrabble marathons with Paul, I am back at school. I bump into Jayden in the car park, before even stepping into the school. He's oblivious to everyone around him and after shouting his name three times, gradually increasing in volume, I slip through the maze of cars and grab his arm.

"Hey, you ok?" I say. He's startled by my voice but his face immediately breaks into a wide grin, though his face remains clouded by misery.

"Allie!" He grabs me into an enormous bear hug, effectively cutting off both my circulation and my breathing. Gasping for breath, I pull away and examine his face.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm ok. You've been away so long... and then Rosie..." My heart stops as I picture his sister's face. Poor Jayden... poor Rosie. They don't deserve this. But I suppose none of us ever do.

"Come on," I say in a moment of impulse. "Let's go to my place, we can talk and hang out. I haven't seen you for ages." As I turn to head back to where I see Jayden's car parked, his hand tugs on mine and I turn to find that he hasn't moved. Standing rooted to the spot, his eyes are filled with sorrow.

"Oh, Jayden! I'm sorry! Will your parents be mad if you skip?" I'm overwhelmed with guilt. Of course he can't come, he doesn't have cancer. He has a life that involves going to school and parents getting mad when you don't think of your future! I scold myself internally. God - I'm so stupid!

"You've been away for days Allie," he says quietly. "Won't your parents be angry?"

I sigh in relief, tugging on his arm. "They don't care about school. They have bigger problems."

He nods, although his expression exposes his indecision. He allows me to pull him along, digging out his car keys and throwing his bag over his shoulder. I slide into the passenger seat as he runs around to the driver's side, finally expressing some excitement at the day ahead.

"Let's go!" He grins, turning the key and pushing the car into drive with a dramatic flair that makes us both laugh.

Fifteen minutes later we pull up in front of my house; I unlock the door with my Disney key my mum made especially for me. She had taken to giving me small gifts, usually food or jewellery. I was trying to discourage her.

"Come on, let's get some snacks and then we can watch a movie... and we can talk about Rosie." We make grilled cheese sandwiches because both of us had skipped breakfast and we fill a bowl with various chocolates, biscuits and a few pieces of fruit. Balancing the array of plates and cups overflowing with water, we make our way into the lounge and collapse on the couch, carefully placing the food on the coffee table which runs parallel to the couch.

"Ok." I turn to Jayden as I take my first bite of the sandwich, cheese oozing from the sides. "What's wrong?" I ask in a gentle voice.

"Well, she's been through the clinical staging," he begins. I nod, encouraging him to continue. "And that was hard, you know? The first step?" He takes a deep breath, it's a little shaky and I'm afraid he's going to fall to pieces and I won't know what to do.

"She's started chemo," he says in one quick breath, as if the confession has somehow escaped against his will. "She's losing her hair. It's just falling out in chunks every time anyone touches it. And she's throwing up, all the time. She's losing a lot of weight and still, she keeps freaking throw up!"

His raged breathing overwhelms him and he runs his shaking fingers through his hair, hunching over and avoiding my gaze. "I don't know what to do... what to say. There's nothing I can do to help her. She's so beautiful and innocent and little... It shouldn't be her. This should never have happened to her," he whispers. I place my hand on his shoulder uncertainly and run it along his side, attempting to soothe him. He leans into my touch so I move closer to him and press my body against his, wrapping my arms around him and continuing to massage his arms.