Neverland - Completed

Chapter 17

•Rose•

I sat beneath the tree for a long time after Micheal had left, staring at the wooden chest. The carved W was glaring at me, taunting me. No one really wanted me, they wanted her, and I was the best they could get. I didn't know Wendy, the hatred I had for her couldn't be justified. Yet I hated that I couldn't be her.

With a shaky hand, I opened the chest. The blue dress was crumbled in a ball where I'd thrown it so long ago, the leather bound journal hidden beneath. I hesitated before picking it up, like the pages would somehow burn me. I couldn't remember what in it had scared me so long ago. All I knew was that this journal was what had made me tell Micheal to run. This journal from a girl I never met convinced me that Peter was a monster.

I flipped through the pages, feeling a sense of déjà vu. At first Wendy described the feelings that I felt, and then the suspicions that I knew I'd once had. But then, then I saw why I had told Micheal to run.

Wendy witnessed Peter kill a boy, and my heart shattered.

The next few pages were full of quickly jotted notes and some rambling nonsense. It was the writing of a scared girl, someone who feared for her life.

I flipped the page, desperate to know what happened. But the next page was blank. The rest of the pages where blank. Wendy was no more.

I untied the pen that was attached to the cover of the journal, and decided that I would pick up where Wendy had left off. Maybe this way, I would not forget again.

Wendy is dead. Micheal said Peter killed her, that he'd killed many before, and many after. I don't want to believe it's true, yet inside I know it is. I am Rose. I am just her replacement.

I used to fear Peter. I have so many reasons to fear that boy. However I have an overwhelming feeling of trust for him now. I don't know where it's come from. I don't know how to rid myself of it.

Peter Pan is a monster.

I fear that in killing the monster, I may become one.

I slammed the journal shut. I couldn't do this right now. I had to go back before Peter realized I was gone. Tucking the journal under my arm, I climbed out through the tunnel, Nana following close behind. Once on the surface again, I could hear the boys singing. If you could call it singing. They howled their words to the moon, their feet like drums in the Earth.

I slipped right back into the chaos. I spun in circles with the Lost Boys, a smile plastered on my lips. No one noticed that I'd disappeared, but I noticed that Peter had not yet returned.

I couldn't imagine where he'd run off to.

"Pick me up!" I felt a tug on the hem of my shirt. Little Jack stood at my feet, his arms stretched out to the sky. I did as he asked, one thought echoing through my head as I did. How could Peter hurt these boys. His brothers.

I spun Jack in a circle, a need to protect them came over me. These boys were not just Peters, they were my brothers too.

↟ ↟ ↟

When Peter didn't show up for another hour, I'd sent he boys to bed. I climbed up to my room worried, for our head count was one short. Simon was missing.

I climbed beneath my covers, as if they would protect me from the horrors of the night and the thoughts that lingered in my mind.

It wasn't long before a soft thud came from outside my door. The sound of the rusted hinges caused me to jump up from my bed. Silhouetted within the doorframe was Peter, his shoulders sagging and eyes dark beneath the shadows.

"Peter? Are you alright?" I asked after a moment of tension filled silence.

"Are you?" He murmured, nodding to my almost battle ready stance. I forced my muscles to relax, and walked forward to where he stood. Peter instantly wrapped his arms around me, one hand burying deep in the strands of my hair. I let my head rest against his chest, breathing in his usual sent of smoke and evergreens. But there was something else there too. A metallic tang. The sent of Blood.

"What's wrong Peter?" I tried to moved back so that I could look into his eyes, but his arms held me where I stood. Panic welled up in my chest, my hands curling into fists. I was screaming inside, but frozen in time. "Peter?"

"Stop squirming." He murmured into my ear, "and no questions."

"Come sit at least?" I gestured to my bed and he finally released me from his embrace. I was finally able to get a good look at him.

His eyes were wild, similarly to his hair which stood up in every direction. He was paler than normal, like he's just seen a ghost. The usual youthfulness he seemed to hold was gone, I'd never seen him look like this before. Even when he was angry, even when he scared me, he always had an overwhelming sense of life to him. It was like that had just been sucked away.

"Tell me Rose, what is something you want? Something that haunts your thoughts, something you crave so bad you think it might kill you." His fingers laced with mine, and I tentatively leaned my head on his shoulder. He couldn't know that just a few minutes ago the only thing I wanted to do was run. Now that I thought about it, there were so many things I wanted.

I wanted to know the truth about Peter. I wanted to know if I could trust the pirates, if Micheal was still the same boy as before. I wanted to know if the thoughts in my head were really my own. I wanted to know why I was really here. I wanted to know where home was before here was home.

I wanted him to be good.

"I want to finally learn how to shoot that bow." My comment earned a chuckle from him, but we both knew that wasn't the answer he was searching for. "What do you want?"

"I want you to love me the way I do you." My head snapped up, heart racing, and not just from fear.

"Don't say you love me." My voice shook, I was confused. How could this boy be a monster? It was moments like these that made me doubt everything I was doing. I doubted which of my feelings were real.

"Why not!" He exclaimed, startling me, "I've known since the day I first laid my eyes on you."

"You don't really know me. After all this time, you still don't." I said softly, in fear he would get angry. I knew what I said was true, how could he know me when I didn't even know myself.

"Then let me know you." He grabbed the side of my face, "Stop hiding! You think I don't see those walls you cower behind? Just let me in."

I couldn't let him in. He was dangerous.

But danger always gave me such a thrill.

"I- I think I should go. I'm sorry Rose." He stood up when I didn't answer him. "This wasn't where I meant to take this conversation. I'll let you sleep." He started to move towards the door, shoulders shaking. I could tell he was fighting the anger that so easily overtook him.

"Peter." I spoke softly and he stopped in his tracks, "won't you stay?" I opened my arms, beckoning him back. I wasn't sure why I asked him to. It wouldn't lead anywhere good.

We lay together in silence, both knowing another word wouldn't lead anywhere good. Peter drifted off to sleep not long after, but I was wide awake. Although my eyelids grew heavy, my thoughts were heavier.

I felt like my life has become an endless puzzle. I wasn't sure how many pieces I had, or how many there was supposed to be. There were some pieces that fit quite nicely, and then there were those who did not. I was constantly finding new pieces, from all the memories and things I've been through. More from all the things I learned to be true. But then- I'd lose them again. I feel that the more I force my puzzle to fit together, I fear that one day I won't recognize what I see. I'm forgetting who I once was, because I'm searching for what's meant to be. Puzzles are meant to be a masterpiece when their done, but I fear that when I'm done, I'll have forgotten the sun.

I looked up at Peter's sleeping face. Without the creases of anger or haunted laughter, he looked more innocent then even.

I placed my head on his chest and listened to his steady heartbeat. One thought kept echoing through my head.

Did a monsters heart still beat?