if i told you | muke

26 ► Lost in reality

Days passed as Luke was in hospital. Every day Michael would go to see him, holding his hand and telling him all the things he had been too afraid of telling him when he was still awake. He would kiss the palm of his hand and try not to look at the endless amount of bandages.

Every day he would ask a nurse or a doctor how long it would still take until he woke up. Every time they kept telling that they "Weren't sure yet." They all said it with the same form of pity in their eyes like they wanted to tell him something else. He won't, can't you see?

Days turned into two weeks and he hadn't woken up yet. Michael felt the hope fading away, people started to give up but he kept telling Luke to hold on. His face was paler than ever as Michael was telling him about that he had written the lyrics for their song and that he finished it, when a doctor came into the room. He looked up and quickly wiped some tears from his cheeks.

"Hello, Michael. I know this must be hard for you," the old man began as he sat down beside him. Some of the people who worked here already knew his name. He almost lived there, never wanting to go away from Luke. Whenever he thought back to the time when he had ignored him before, it devastated him. It wouldn't matter if the entire world gave up on him, Michael still wouldn't. "But I have to be honest with you, since you seem like a very close friend of his."

If only he was. He wasn't even sure if Luke would want to talk to him even if he did wake up one day. Michael nodded hesitantly, afraid of what the doctor was about to say.

"At this point there is a chance of only forty per cent that he will make it out of this," were the painful words that came out as he laid his hand on the redhead's shoulder. He tried to be comforting but Michael just wanted him away. His body started trembling and he shook his head.

"He will make it," he said and heard the doctor sigh.

"Please understand that I just want to prepare you. We know that he still has a chance but you can't assume that he will wake up again. No one knows," he said. Why didn't they ever tell the truth? Of course we know if he'll make it, and of course the answer is no. The only thing I'm preparing you for is his death, you oblivious child. You will never see the colour of his eyes again.

Michael bent down his head, body still shaking. "Okay," he whispered before the man got up again.

"I'm sorry, Michael. Can I get you something to drink?"

He shook his head in response, still staring down as the doctor left the room, leaving them alone again. He sighed.

"They're all giving up on you, Luke," he said, squeezing the pale boy's hand. "But I haven't. I will never give up on you. I hope you won't either, I know you're strong."

Time had been going slower without him around. Whenever Michael was at school he still had the feeling Luke could pass by at any moment, leaving one of his sassy yet rude comments or just accidentally walk him over on purpose.

He missed his deep, smooth voice so much. There was this nagging feeling in his heart caused by Luke's absence and he wasn't the only one who felt it. Everyone had been quieter since the day. Michael's friends worried about him more and more, he barely talked anymore. And when he did, it was only to Luke whenever they were alone in the hospital room. Michael had had nightmares in the first week after the accident but they faded away. All that was left was emptiness and guilt biting into his skin and deep into his bones.

"I wish you could be at school tomorrow," he whispered at Luke, who looked like an angel. The cuts on his skin had all healed over the time, only a few scars remaining. The bruises were still slightly visible but fading as well. "I'm performing our song in front of the class. As soon as you wake up I'll let you hear it as well. I hope you'll like it." He stood up and softly pressed a kiss to his cheek. "See you tomorrow in the afternoon."

Just like every day.

-

"Let's see," the teacher began as soon as everyone had taken their seats the next morning. "Today's couple to perform their song are Michael and Lu- oh," he hesitated, before he looked into Michael's direction. "Have you prepared anything for today? Because if you haven't I would completely understand."

"I do have something," Michael replied. He stood up and Ashton encouragingly squeezed his shoulder before he walked over to the front of the class. He felt surprised looks on him since he'd barely talked the past two weeks. Before, his voice had always been the loudest. Everyone fell quiet without the teacher even having to say anything. If that wasn't rare, then he didn't know what was.

His heart pounded in his chest as he grabbed an acoustic guitar from a standard and sat down on the chair. He looked down the entire time, not wanting eye contact with anyone. All that he thought of was Luke's face and their messy kiss and his voice, just everything about him. He thought of Luke licking his lips, his smile and the time he had helped him playing these chords.

Michael's hands strummed the strings like he was on automatic pilot. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes before singing the lyrics he had written for Luke like there was no one else around.

"Wait, don't tell me
Heaven is a place on earth
I wish I could rewind all the times that I didn't
Show you what you're really worth

The way that you held me
I wish that I'd put you first
I was wrong I admit, numb from your kiss
While you were slipping through my fingertips

Taking every breath away
With all of the mistakes I've made
From all the letters that I've saved
This is everything I didn't say

I wish I could've made you stay
And I'm the only one to blame
I know that it's a little too late
This is everything I didn't say"

He strummed the final chords before opening his eyes again. A tear immediately slipped out and he wiped it away quickly, though of course everyone had seen already. They were all unbelievably quiet.

Michael stood up and put down the guitar again before a wave of applause washed over him, surprising him. He couldn't do anything but saying a quick "Thanks" before hurrying over to the back of the class again.

He heard some people say that "It was beautiful" or "I didn't know he could sing so well" and he also saw Calum struggling with his tears. Michael also noticed Ashton had a few to blink away as he sat back down. He heard a few sniffles from random places around the classroom but none of these people knew what it was really about.

a/n: but just imagine michael singing everything i didn't say in acoustic, i think i'd faint.