The Farmers Daughter

Chapter 16: Finding the beauty in Gods creations

[ Edith's POV ]
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Watching Dallas open up more was one of the best things I've witnessed in a long time and I was in some ways a little desperate to know other things about him. Nothing major exactly, just small things that could come in handy later.

"What's your favorite color?" I ask as I pick at the wet blades of grass.

"Does black or red satisfy you?" He grins a little as he leans back to rest against his elbows.

"You don't like any bright colors, like maybe blue or green?" I hold up a blade of grass. The moon was full tonight so it was like God was giving us a soft natural lantern. "Green is a pretty cool color."

"What's up with you and my color choices?" Dallas' tone was no longer full of guilt or sadness but was full of playfulness. This trip really has helped him and I thank God for that.

"No reason." I let the blade fall from between my fingertips as I shift my gaze up towards the moon.

"What's your favorite color?" He asks. I couldn't tell if he actually wanted to know or if he was just trying to please me.

"Um... well, I guess I have a lot. It's hard to choose one color when I see beauty in all of them." A few rain drops hit against my forehead. "God uses all the colors in so many different things so I think that's why. He's truly an artist."

"Can I ask you something?" The way he spoke sounded like he was getting a bit uncomfortable.

"You can ask me anything." I look away from the moon and turn so I'm facing him.

"How did you become like this?" He waves his hand towards me. "So..."

"A true believer?" I smile softly as I look down to see a smile starting to break out on his lips.

"You nailed it." He chuckles a bit before tiling his head to look at the moon. "It's just.. you speak like you're best friends with God. Did your dad make you into this person?"

I shake my head as my smile grows. "It's the Holy Spirit that's living inside of me."

"And what exactly is that?" He asks curiously. "I've heard the older women in church talk about it when I was younger but I never knew what it meant."

"You feel the Holy Spirit take over you when you decide to surrender your life to God. It helps you to say the right things, act in a way that's pleasing to the Lord."

"Can't you do those things without it?" He raises an eyebrow. "Not all good people are Christians."

"Not all good people go to heaven either."

"Okay... you got me there." He sighs softly.

"Are you afraid?" I scoot over so I'm sitting beside him and I lean back to rest against my elbows, the damp grass tickling my arms.

"Afraid of what?" He looks at me, his eyes watching my lips.

"Of surrendering." I whisper. "Is that what you're afraid of?"

"Were you afraid?" He sits up and leans down a little towards me.

"No... because I knew God had bigger plans for me and I wanted to follow through with those plans. Nothing I do can make me happy, it's God that brings me happiness." I bite my lip and look away from his piercing eyes. The gray was now overpowering the blue.

He leans down even more and presses both his hands into the grass on either side of my body. His hair flops down over his eyes which makes him chuckle. "What if God made you for me." It wasn't a question and his face didn't hold curiosity. He looked at me as if I was a beautiful jewel.

"You don't know tha-" The next thing I knew his lips were on mine. Nothing rough or forceful, but gentle and patient.

When I didn't close my eyes and kiss him back he knew to pull away. "I um.. I'm a total asshole."

"I'm gonna make a swear jar. You owe me a dollar." I whisper and push back the hair that had fallen over his eyes.

"I think now is the part where you slap me." He mumbles and moves so I can sit up.

"I'm not gonna slap you," I slap his knee gently. "Hard."

He takes my right hand and presses his right hand to mine, measuring them in the air. His was obviously bigger than mine. "Do you ever feel a tug towards something you feel is right?"

We look at our hands and then lock eyes with each other.

"Because I feel that way with you... don't ask me why." He laces his fingers with mine as we keep our hands in the air between us.

"I wasn't going to ask." I wanted to smile but now wasn't the right time.

"I know why you didn't kiss me back." He blurts out.

"So you read minds now?"

"I came from a bad place, I smoke, I cuss, I drink. My body is covered in tattoos. I'm also not very respectful... I wasn't towards you."

"I didn't kiss you back because I don't want you to think a kiss can fix everything. That you won't feel broken anymore if I kiss you." I whisper sadly. The rain was picking up now.

He's still a broken bottle with all his missing pieces lost in the sand.

His bottom lip quivers and he slowly lets go of my hand.

Nice going, Edith.

It's true!

Nobody's broken. People may be cracked around the edges, but nobody's broken.

But-

It's your own advice. Why not take it?

"Hey, no. Please don't." I sit up on my knees and press my hands against his cheeks to calm him. "I didn't mean that."

"B-But you did and you're right, I am broken. Sometimes I think something so simple can fix that." He takes a deep breath and furrows his eyebrows. His cheeks feel hot underneath my hands.

Dallas is right. Plus he's an unbeliever.

But you can help him! Help him!!

Now I felt like crying when I see tears forming in his eyes.

"Tell me one thing, okay? Promise to tell the truth."

He nods. "I d-don't want to lie to you. I don't want to lie anymore."

"Have you ever felt this way about anyone before?" I ask slowly so he can really understand what I'm asking.

He thinks about it for a moment before shaking his head. "I've only loved my mom and my brothers, but never another girl."

He closes his eyes and places his hands on top of mine. "I used girls to try and make myself feel better. It never worked..."

"Why am I different?" I rub my thumbs gently across his cheeks to comfort him.

"Y-You give me hope. I feel like I can hope for a better future, hope to feel wanted again." It all comes out in shaky breaths. "Hope that I can go back to the way I was when I was little."

"I can't give you that, Dallas. I'm just one person." It hurt me. It hurts me deeply seeing him like this, hurts me knowing I can't do anything about it. "God is the only one who can help you."

"And yet you don't stop to think." He squeezes my hands and opens his eyes to look at me.

"Don't..." I shake my head and try to take my hands away but he grabs them quickly.

"You don't think God could put us together for a reason. A g-good reason at that.." He mumbles. "Maybe I want to be good because he knows it'll benefit you."

"Get... get in the truck, Dallas." I pull myself up off the ground. It's becoming soggy underneath us now.

I wasn't ready for our conversation to take a turn like this. I don't know if I will ever be ready.