Tempt Me More (Anakin x Reader)

Chapter 10:Grief

Trigger warning: Grief, loss, death

You spent the rest of the day wandering throughout the Jedi temple, wondering what was going to happen next. You knew it wouldn't be long before the council was going to send you on a mission. The clone wars were just beginning, and they were going to need Jedi all over the galaxy to try and keep the peace.

Even if they didn't send you on a mission right away, you were positive that Anakin and Obi-Wan would be sent away soon. The thought of that made your stomach drop and your heart heavy. You just got to see him again. You hadn't even caught up fully yet and you just wanted to spend more time with him. More time looking into his dreamy blue eyes and running your fingers through his dark blonde hair.

You shook your head and sighed. You're a Jedi. This is why it is forbidden to love. Having an attachment to someone only makes your job harder and clouds your mind. You realized that if you want to make things work with Anakin, you're going to have to deal with being separated from him for indefinite periods of time.

After several hours of walking around, you ended up in one of the meditation gardens. This meditation garden wasn't like the others though, it was special to you. You and Qui-Gon Jinn would always have tea in these gardens. Even though he wasn't your master, you were extremely close.

As you walked through the gardens, you finally came across the bench that you would always sit at together. You sat down and sighed, wondering what it would be like if he were still here. He always gave you the best advice whenever you were having problems. Granted, you were a child and didn't have the most complicated problems, but he still cared. Master Windu would always be dismissive of your "silly" problems, but Qui-Gon wasn't. In some ways, Qui-Gon was more of a master to you then Master Windu was.

A tear slipped down your face.

What would Qui-Gon have said if he knew how you felt about Anakin? Would he be disappointed, or understanding?

You buried your face in your hands and silently wept, letting all the pent-up grief wash over you. You never got to properly grieve his death. Being a Jedi meant that you were not allowed to grieve because you are only supposed to live in the present and not dwell on the past.

"I miss him too."

You jumped at the sound of Obi-Wan's voice and quickly wiped the tears from your face.

Obi-Wan sat down next to you and put his hand on your shoulder.

"Don't worry, I won't tell Master Windu about this. I personally believe that grief is natural and should not be forbidden in the Jedi code. I too had my own grieving period when Qui-Gon died."

"H-how did you move past it? H-how did you ease the pain?"

Obi-Wan paused and took a deep breath.

"I come here as often as I can to remember all of the fond memories that I had with him. I also remind myself that he would not want me to be sad for him. He would want me to be happy that he has transcended into the force. He would want the same for you too (y/n). I know it's hard, but as Jedi, we must follow the code and not dwell on the past, no matter how hard it is."

You nodded and took deep breaths as you absorbed what Obi-Wan had just said. Several minutes passed before you were able to muster a small smile.

"Thank you, Obi-Wan"

"Of course, and please know that you can come to me to talk about anything. Oh, by the way, I think Anakin was looking for you. I last saw him heading for the dormitories."

You stood up and bowed to Obi-Wan, trying to hide your eagerness.

"Thanks again."

He nodded his head and you turned around to go towards the dormitories to find Anakin, wondering what he had planned for you.