𝑶𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔

t h i r t e e n

not edited !!! i'm sorry this sucks

She needed to leave.

Needed to breathe.

Needed to stop suffocating in the toxic air she was in.

And Lenita yearned to be free, to go outside and to freely let the rain mat her skin without a care nor a thought.

However she stayed trapped inside...

For now anyways.

And when she stayed in the dark trapped in between his arms she let out the tears she struggled to hold in everyday. As each nightfall each cry for help was longer than the last.

Before she thought she never felt more lonely before him and now she feels even more lonely than she did before.

What made her stay as long as she did was the hope and patience that one day the same person; the one that used to stare at her in thought in class with a smile to his face, the one that used to make corny jokes and never ceased to make her stop smiling... the one that she thought she loved would come back.

She hoped and hoped and hoped...

But at this point she didn't know if it was faith or delusion that kept her where she was.

And now she also feared him and feared what he would do to her if she tried to leave.

Where would she go?

The only safe place she knew was in his arms but now they were the same ones that left bruises on her neck.

But somehow through the cruelty she stayed, she stayed through it all even when she felt like her body wasn't her own knowing that it belonged to him.

She was okay with being used she realized that she wasn't worth more than she was.

And when he kissed her body and bruised it, it didn't really matter at this point because she felt dead and she didn't think life really mattered at this point.

"You love me?" He asked her and he asked this question more times to count for so many reasons.

Insecurity, manipulation, satisfaction, trauma.

"Yes," she always said without any hesitation and at this point she didn't know if it was because it's the only answer she know would keep him satisfied or because she truly loved him and she didn't have to hesitate for a moment to tell him otherwise.

"Harry, do you..." she trailed off because she never asked him this, she refused to ask him this always scared of his answer. "Do you love me?"

And he smiled, Lenita didn't know what kind of smile it was whether it be a sinister smile or a genuine one but she kept her eyes on him as he did her and even though her body was all battered and beaten, her eyes still stayed strong.

"I think you already know the answer to that, pretty girl."

But she didn't, she truly didn't but maybe her gut knew otherwise because she never questioned him further and let her sink in her dark thoughts.

She had to leave

where would i go?

who would help me?

Lenita shook her head at the thought. She couldn't leave, he would find her, she needed him and in a sick twisted way he needed her and she couldn't leave.

She was his.

And she told herself this everyday and everything seemed okay. It wasn't great but it wasn't bad and there wasn't fighting and her bruises were healing and there weren't any new ones and everything seemed to be okay.

There was still the crying in the nights his loud sobs clouding up her already dark thoughts.

And her always telling him she loved him yet, the words never uttered back.

It wasn't perfect, it would never be perfect.

The man she once knew was a facade to hide his true self. The man she thought she knew was never real and the dream for him to be who he was before was never truly him.

Nothing was perfect, nothing would ever be perfect but she wasn't crying she wasn't bruising, this was as perfect as it got.

And then one day he kissed her. It seemed like a genuine one, not those forced kisses that always led to her kneeling in front of him to pleasure him but the kisses that seemed real, the ones that didn't necessarily have to lead anywhere.

It did though. It always did.

"Can we... please... can we just kiss?" she asked quietly but he shook his head.

"I need you... need you so bad," he said roughly already sliding her sweater off.  He kissed up her neck and she whispered please once more hoping that he would change his mind but she knew it was almost pointless.

So she let him take her.

And she remained emotionless and still as he used her for her body.

Over and over again.

"You're mine," he whispered along her scars. "No one else's."

"Only yours."

"Mhmm... forever.."

And she knew then right there that tonight was the last he would use her to get over the darkness he called his mind. And used her body when things got too hard and hurt her when she was tired of hurting himself.

She was leaving him forever and that scared her the most. Leaving to find out who she was without him again.

Because... this wasn't love.

He was just using her until he didn't need her anymore.

And as he fell asleep next to her, leaving Lenita cold, sore and naked with tears in her eyes she slowly sat up and looked at the man she learned to love and hate.

"I love you. I hate that you made me love you so much. I hate that I believed every word that came out of your mouth. I hate that you made me feel like nothing." Tears quickly ran down her face as she tried not to stumble on her words.

"God, why do I love you? Do I hate myself that much for me to love a man that loves to manipulate me?"

She got up and quietly put on some clothes, packing only the necessities of the things she would need to get away.

She needed to get away.

She hated that her last words to him was her admitting that she was his.

Because no matter how far she ran or where she went part of her knew he would always have her.

Lenita didn't bother giving him a final glimpse not wanting to have second thoughts. She needed to find herself before she completely lost herself.

So she left without a trail.

She carried her heavy heart that seemed heavier than the luggage she carried.

Who knew that the way Harry woke up wasn't by Lenita's honey brown eyes and her raspy morning voice or her light kisses she placed all over his face but the loud sound of sirens and a bang to the door.

This sucks i'm sorry it's like 8am and i'm running off no sleep ajd it's not edited and i'm sorry for the delay!! I'm either going to do another chapter after this and the epilogue or just go straight to the epilogue. ill probably edit this tomorrow!!