Life is Okay

Consequences ~ Chapter 1

I sighed, looking at my arm. No one ever heard my soft cries, they never did. No one noticed my arms, how deep I cut. Not even my own father realizes how I am. Since my passing of my mother, I can't bear to act like her, or look like her. I don't want mirrors, they remind me of her. *soft pain of blade* Blood is always a friend, my only friend. The only one that realizes the pain, and relieves it. *Phone goes off* It's my boyfriend.

Hey umm this is awkward, were kinda done

WHAT!? WHY?!

Well theres this girl that has bigger boobs that turns me on so...

UGH YOU DISCUSTING LITTLE PERV!

Thats kinda how everything went, he sees a girl, likes her, wants to go out with her and I'm dumped. And yet every single time I feel so desperate when he crawls back to me. He never even acknowledges me at school. I don't know why I keep coming back. I've gotten so bad about letting him come back to me and break my heart again. I don't even try to say" I'm not going to say yes again" because I know I will.

My friends are always there for me, well most of the time. When they arent there with me most of the time that means their either with their boyfriends or busy. And yes outta the group of my 4 friends i'm the rich one when I barely go shopping. I'm basically the oppisite of a regular girl, besides loving starbucks. I mean who coud resist starbucks!? Thats like a baby needing milk to survive the 1st year of its life. But anyway if you were wondering if we were the popular kids, your pretty funny. There's this girl Alisha and her squad, who spilled potato soup on me and said I blew chunks and embarassed the crap outta me. I was sent home and I cried. it was the intense thing that pushed me over and ever since, I've cut.

So I may have not described my friends or even mentioned their names so I'm not very good at describing but here it goes: Macy, is a tall, medium sized girl with red hair who is outgoing, smart, pretty, and jealous of Alisha because she thinks shes all that, When really Macy has alot going for her. Jenny, is short but not to short, very thin girl with black hair who is shy, very smart (H.A.G. smart) and has a little acne but no one notices (Mostly because she never speaks up) and is a absolute bookworm. Stacy, she's tall like Macy, but really thin with blonde hair who is daring, has blonde moments and rides a skate board. If I had to pick one to stay I'd pick all of them because they are my best friends.

An hour later my bleeding stops and I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. Either it was my dad or my brothers going to bug me. Did I say I had a brother? Did I say I had Brothers? Well, I do. Actually 3 of them to be exact. And I'm the only girl in the house. Luckily I had my blade hidden and the blood cleaned up. My dad walks in, and yells dinner is ready. He always shouts. He's a football coach for the high school so that about explains everything. As he walks out I get ready to go downstairs. As I walk out of my room, I trip over some stupid toy of my brothers. My brother walks out of his room and sure enough my sleeve was pulled back like a kid on christmas ripping open a present, my arm exposed and he asked the question "Whats wrong with your arm?" I replied nervously saying that it was the neighbors cat. When I walked down the stairs the air filled with a reeking smell, dads cooking. Ugh, ever since mom died he started taking cooking classes, and I think he got kicked out because he could make a simple recipe go bad.

I sit down at the table and my dad puts down a shrunken pterodactyle (A dinosour from who knows when). Nick (1 of the 3 brothers who is 9 and who saw my cuts) brought up the cat scratching me. I really had no thought of what I said because I'm allergic to cats. My dad stared at me. I felt this darkness in me I couldn't escape. My eyes watered, and I couldn't handle it. I ran off from the table into the powder room. I wanted to just die. I wanted to step away from the world and be in my quiet one. My dad knocks on the door. My secret is out, that I cut myself and now my dad will probably send me to a therapist. Great my life is over. "Sweetie we need to talk, this is normal for a girl thats your age Mae (Yes my name is Mae, What a shocker! And if you wondered my last name is Kennoch.) "Sweetie come out, tommorow is your first day of 7th grade. You can't be like this. Come out Please sweetie" he beckons me. I tell him no, then thats when he yells at me and orders me to come out like when he's coaching. Yes, coach your daughter to come out of a bathroom! Thats great parenting!

He told Nick, Brayden, and Jase (The other 2 boys of my life) to go upstairs. We talked, about the most discusting thiing to ever talk about to your parent(s), Puberty, depression, and sex. Ugh, the worst topic especially when its your dad talking to you about it. It's just so awkward. I mean we learn enough at school. Then he grabs my arm, not in a harsh and thrashing way, but in a gentle and calm way. He exactly said "Why?". I couldn't respond but be a typical girl and cry into his arms. I just couldn't. He told me he's going to get me help and that there isn't anything wrong, it's just typical for a teen like me to do this.

Later I sat down on my pillow top mattress and sighed. I really didn't know what to do so I went on Instagram ( For those of you who don't know about Instagram it's a social media) and saw all these photos of my friends at the skating rink. Except there was someone different that wouldn't be in that picture. You guessed it, my ex-boyfriend with his arm around Macy (One of my 3 friends). I sat there and wanted to die (As you can see, I feel like this alot). She's dating my ex-boyfriend, and she didn't even bother to tell me (For clarification and proof I checked their Insta-Bio's). I didn't feel like starting drama tonight. Today was the last dy of summer, and I wanted to have a great first day of school tommorow, or at least hoped.