There is a moment of silence, as everyone takes in the sight before them. My breath gets caught in my throat, and my panic heightens. I quickly search the crowd for my family. My eyes begin to blur, I can't focus. I can't see them. I panic, more and more, my breaths becoming even more shallow than the ones before. The pressure in my head increases.
"Are you okay?" Jake asks me, but his voice is muffled. I-
"I-"
"Scarlett, are you okay?"
I look at him. He's getting blurry. Everything is getting
so
damn
blurry.
"Jake?" My voice is distorted.
He looks at me.
"I feel-" I cough. A lot. "I feel-"
***FLASHBACK***
"I feel like it should've been me."
I'm in therapy. I'm sitting on a scratchy red couch that stings every time I move talking to an old white-haired woman who cocks her head every time I push out a sentence. Her glasses slip to the tip of her nose and my hands itch to push them back up the bridge.
She squints at me and cocks her head the other direction.
"Why?"
My breathing shallows.
"Why? Because Molly was the smartest, brightest out of all of us? Because she had a chance for a future? Because she was going to go to an amazing college and meet an amazing guy and have an amazing life? Who would waste a life like that? Who would take it away?"
Tears are falling from my eyes. I am shaking violently.
"I think we're done for today."
"I don't-"
"I'll see you tomorrow. After the funeral."
My stare falls blank. I nod. The therapist helps me collect my things and walks me to the door. Just as I'm about to step out into the chilly spring day, she touches my shoulder.
"Bad things happen to good people. It's unfortunate, but it happens. The only way we can beat that evil, that badness, is by not letting it stop us."
I nod. Again. Emotionless despite the whirlwind of a few moments ago.
"Thank you, I'll see you tomorrow. After the,"
She nods.
"After the funeral."
I leave.
***PRESENT DAY***
People are standing up, craning their necks to get a better view of whatever is happening by Mrs. Gates. Parents, who are also cops in town, approach her slowly. She is shaking, still covered in blood. Still clutching the body.
"You feel.... okay?"
Jake's voice is clearer now and I can see him much more than I could.
"Sorry, I think I just freaked out. I think I'm okay."
"Okay, yeah," he doesn't seem like he believes me, "let's get some water. It's really hot out here, maybe you're just dehydrated."
I nod. And turn back to look at Mrs. Gates. The cops are finally almost to her, approaching her slowly, unsure of what's happening. I go to take a step out of the lines of chairs for the graduates.
