My One True Love: Book 1

24 days before

*Clarke

Jasper killed himself last night. His parents found him when the arrived home this morning.

I haven't been able to get out of bed. I haven't called monty to ask him over. I haven't talked to Bellamy or my mom about it. I've cut everyone off.

I blame myself.

If I just would have listened to his apologies and forgiven him. I could have been there I could have talked him out of it.

I cant get up. Everything hurts. I cant think so I sleep. In my dreams i see his cold body hanging from a rope. I always wake up with a scream. There is no one around to console me or tell me it was just a dream.

I'm all alone again. I cant sleep with out seeing him, i cant be awake without blaming myself for what he did. It just hurts.

It all just hurts.

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*Bellamy

After I found out about jasper I ran to Clarkes house. I banged on the door knowing shes in there but nobody answers.

I cant just leave her to grieve alone I need to see her. I need to help her. To be with her in this dark time. But I cant help someone who dosnt want it.

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*Monty

I expected clarke to call. She didnt. I couldn't call her to start up this conversation.

Jasper was my brother. Why didnt he tell me he was considering this? Was it because I started hanging with Harper so much?

I curl into a ball in the middle of my bed. "This is my fault.." I whisper to myself before starting to cry again.

All I can remember is his smile, his laugh, our stupid jokes. I miss him so much more then I'll miss anyone in my whole life.

Why did he have to do it! He should have come to me. I would have helped him.

But now hes gone.

It's over.

No more jasper.

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*Bellamy

I've never been more worried about someone. Why wont she let me help her?

I walk back to her house knowing shes in there. She opens the door in the middle of one of my bangs.

"Clarke.." I say before rapping her in my arms while she cried. We stood like that for 10 minutes before she pulled away.

Wiping her eyes she asked "wanna come inside?" I nod and follow her in.

Her house is nice, but not to nice. Maybe she isn't as pricey as I thought.

We sat ok her couch facing each other. We sat in silence, a few tears were falling from clarkes eyes, I was hesitant to wipe them off.

"I'm so so sorry clarke. I wish I new how to help you.." she smiled weakly at me.

"Will you lay with me.. every time I try to sleep I see his face, I imagine him dead in diffrent ways each time I close my eyes.." she was crying harder.

"Yeah yeah common where's your room?" I asked taking her hand. She pointed down the hall.

"Last room on the left." She said quietly. I've never known clarke to be so defeated.

When we get to her room we lay down facing each other. My fingers were twirling a chunk of her hair absently.

She scoots closer to me buring her face in my chest and draping her arm over my side.

I tucked her close with my arm bent on her back and my hand on her head. I have no idea when she fell asleep but she did quickly.

A few times I caught her mumbling and gripping my shirt. I rub her back gently, this seems to calm her.

This is so much better then I imagined this going. She really needed me to be here. When nobody else was, It was me here for her.

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*Clarke

I woke up to my cheek resting on Bellamy's hard chest. In the night we somehow shifted. Bellamy is now on his back and I'm curled up against his side using him as a pillow.

This was the best sleep I've had in weeks. Everything has been stressing me out.

Bellamy always seemed to be the one right there to turn to, to latch on to when the world is crumbling beneath my feet.

This boy is my rock.

I know I'll never admit it to him, but I love him. I love him more then I've ever loved anyone ever.

If it wasn't for him I probably would have given up, ended up like jasper.

I shuddered at the thought. "Hey Clarke you awake?" Bellamy asked stifling a yawn.

"Mmhmm" I say nodding into his chest. "Alright, we can stay like this for as long as you need." He tells me rubbing my back.

I close my eyes again. No jasper. Bell really has his good moments.

"Thank you." I tell him firmly. "I wouldn't be here without you.." I say before drifting off to sleep again.

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*Bellamy

What did she mean by "I wouldnt be here without you.." before I could ask she falls back asleep.

While shes sleeping I'm left with my thoughts. Is clarke suicidal? I ask myself checking her arms for cuts.

I find faint scars at the top of her wrist.

Shit clarke.. why didn't she tell me? Was is because of me? Did I do this to her? They didnt look old but the also didnt look fresh.

Maybe when her dad died? I want to ask her about it but she will know that I looked without permission.

If she had them on her wrists, did she have them on her thighs? Ankles? Rib cage? I want to check her all over for self harm scars but I know I cant.

God I wish I would have been here for her sooner. I wish I could have prevented her doing this to herself.

I kiss clarkes hair and close my eyes. All I can think about is what I found.

I wonder if she even wanted me to know about them. I'll pretend like I don't for now.

She will bring it up. She will tell me herself. I need her to tell me herself. Before I can stop it tears fall from my eyes silently. I wipe them away with my free hand, and fall back to sleep.

SO SORRY IF THIS CHAPTER WAS TRIGGERING TO ANYONE READING. ITS JUST ALL PART OF THE PLOT.