Fine line (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter Two

"Not so bad, eh mate?"

James is ecstatic, almost vibrating as we exit the stage, the fans still calling after us as we leave their view.

My hands shake with the same excitement and nervousness they do everytime I'm interviewed, and a smile begins to plaster itself on to my face.

"Not bad at all."

And I all honesty, it wasn't. It was exciting, refreshing even. Being able to express myself and my work to those who actually care enough to listen, there's something almost rewarding in that.

"I don't know why you always get yourself so worked up Harry, you're a natural out there!"

James smiles fondly, and his humility is comforting and honest. I did, in fact work myself up just as I do every time.

I guess I'm still used to the demand that interviews used to hold from me, the expectations I used to be forced to with stand. Sit straight, smile bright, act close but not too close.

The thought of the past sends shivers up my spine, and I shake them away as I'm offered a celebratory drink.

I take a swig, and turn to James as he downs his own.

"Thanks for having me mate," I smile and he smiles back.

Janes has been a friend ever since I'd first met him. His humor and generosity is just so contagious and genuine, and he's one of the only influencers now a days that doesn't put on a face for the media.

"No Harry, thank you. You've really grown since the first time I met you, you know?"

I swallow an offer him an answer. "Yeah?"

"Oh, absolutely."

"How's that?"

Janes takes a swig and finishes his drink, setting the empty glass on the table beside us and taking a moment to think about his rebuttal.

"It's just," he starts, "and not take this the wrong way - but when I first met you you seemed almost scared, like you were hiding something about yourself."

I swallow hard and narrow my eyes.

Where was this going?

"Hiding something?" I try not to let the anxiety beginning to creep into my voice. "What do you mean by that?"

"Oh I don't know," he sighs, "maybe it's stupid but I just feel like you weren't your true self when you were with the boys."

James sees my shocked expression and quickly begins to cover his tracks.

"Not to say that it had anything to do with them!" He exclaims. "They're all wonderful lads! I mean, Niall is as sweet as he's ever been, Liam seems to be doing well and Louis - well I just talked to the man last week - "

"You did?" Before I can stop myself I interject. God, what is going on with me lately?

"Well yeah," James continues, completely oblivious to my interjection, "he's got the cutest little son you know? Freddie I think it is, and that fiancè of his is just darling isn't she?"

So it was a ring.

"Fiancé?"

James laughs obviously once more.

"Yes Harry, fiancè. Eleanor Calder, I believe you know her."

My jaw stiffens and I try to mask the disbelief.

"Yeah, I know her."

"Christ Harry," he exclaims, "have you even spoken to the man since the split?"

The split? How does he -

"I mean all you boys were almost inseparable at one point, I would've figured you'd stay in touch."

The split. The "hiatus".

"Some of us have," i stiffen, "some of us just faded off. You know how it is in this business."

James nods knowingly.

"I do, I do. But that's exactly the point I'm trying to make, Harry. I don't think you were ever made for that kind of business. The demands and the pressure and the expectations you were forced to meet within that band, it just wasn't you. "

I nod along, pretending to be completely focused on his words.

"But that's not to say," he continues while pouring himself another drink, "that you have to throw away the friendships you created with in that business."

Filling up another glass, I look at him in what I can only describe as amazement. He really doesn't know does he? I guess management really did do their job.

"Right," I huff, "well I still keep in touch with both Niall and Liam. None of us have spoken to zany since-well you know."

"And Louis?"

James isn't looking at me but instead at his drink, the cloudiness of the alcohol setting in to the creases of his lids.

"Well," I stammer, desperate for an answer. "We were never that close anyways." The words come out in a jumble, an obvious question mark hanging at the end.

He almost spits out his drink, looking at e once more in the eyes and wiping the alcohol from his lips.

"Bullshit!" James laughs uncontrollably and I feel the blood start to raise to my cheeks once more. "That's bullshit Harry, and you know it."

My eyes shut for a moment and I block out the thoughts that always during conversations like these. I let my fingers dwindle over the rim of my glass and rake a moment before responding.

"Whst I mean is..." I almost choke the words out, "what I meant is that we just faded naturally. While we were still in the band."

James' smile fades slightly and he sets down his glass, leaning foreword as if to signals a more serious tone of conversation.

"I get that Harry, I really do. Having friends in the industry is hard, let alone having friends in the same band. But you boys were important to eachother. You grew up together, you experienced so much together. There's got to be a part in you that still cares about that, yeah?"

There is. Every part of me is screaming "there is".

But instead I stay quiet, just as I have all these years.

"His mum died, y'know? Sister too. It's awful Harry...just awful."

I swallow, the guilt hitting me like a train.

"Just give it some thought, styles. Maybe it'd be good to catch up."

I sigh.

Maybe.