Collateral Damage (snowbarry)

Flash! Forward

The beeping of machines was the only thing that could be heard in the lab. That and the sound of someone slurping up the last of a Jello cup. Dr. Caitlin Snow looked up from her patient, whom she had been caring for over eight months now, and rolled her eyes at her coworker/best friend, Cisco Ramon who had a habit of ensuring everyone in the room could hear him eating. Cisco tossed the Jello cup toward the nearest trash can and yelled out when he missed. He leaned back in his chair, avoiding the eyes of the young doctor who he knew was glaring at him.

"Cisco...go pick it up," she instructed coldly.

He let out a sigh and dramatically got out of his spinning chair. He trudged over to the discarded cup and placed it delicately in the trash, all the while making eye contact with Caitlin.

"Happy?" he asked, with the biggest grin he could muster. Showing off his baby cheeks and deep dimples.

She let out a small chuckle and nodded, returning to a cold stare and looking back at the machines. It wasn't much of a reaction, but it was the most emotion Cisco had been able to get out of his best friend since the particle accelerator exploded eight months ago, killing her fiance. She hadn't spoken to him about it yet, and both of them were able to keep themselves completely busy with this patient Dr. Wells, their boss, had insisted on bringing in.

"The accident was our fault and if we can help to save even one person, then we have to at least try." Dr. Well's said to Caitlin and Cisco back when he brought the boy in. The weight of his mistakes obviously weighing heavy on him, Cisco thought, since Wells was barely able to look at the boy.

Caitlin hadn't spoken about the accident. She hadn't spoken about her fiance. For all Cisco knew, she hadn't even returned home yet. She just sat there. Every day. Staring at the boy, then the machines. Did she shower? Did she pee? Was she actually dead and this was her ghost haunting the labs? Cisco chuckled to himself at the thought and walked up, placing his hand on his best friend's shoulder.

"Big Belly Burger?" He asked, knowing it was her favorite.

She didn't respond. He was about to remove his hand and go get himself some lunch when something incredible happened. She leaned her head on his hand that was still resting on her shoulder. Cisco froze. He had been begging her to open up and talk to him for months. He just wanted to help. Ronnie, her fiance, was his friend too and if anyone could understand the loss she was feeling, it was Cisco. He didn't dare move or say anything at the risk of scaring her off.

"Cheese curds, please?" she asked in a child-like voice. She turned her head and rested her chin on his hand, giving him a soft, barely noticeable smile. But Cisco noticed. He smiled back and nodded.

"Cheese curds it is!" he declared in his most dramatic superhero voice as he kissed the top of her head and ran from the room.

Caitlin allowed herself to let out another laugh. She felt bad about how cold she had been to Cisco and Wells, but she didn't know how to process any of this. She was a doctor. She could fix physical problems, but grief was not something she was ever good at handling. She had only felt comfortable talking to the unconscious boy in front of her because, well, he couldn't judge her. He didn't notice when she was crying. He just listened. Or remained comatose more like, but she convinced herself he was listening. He gave her a project. Fix him. Fix him and she could move forward. Fix him and she could go back home and finally get rid of Ronnie's clothes. Fix him and she could feel like she deserved to be here again and help Wells and Cisco get the labs back up and running and return to normal. Maybe, just maybe if she fixed him, she could start fixing herself.

"Hi," she whispered to the boy lying in front of her as she pushed his straight, light brown hair out of his eyes. He was a mystery to her. Nothing about his condition made sense. Of course that's why Wells brought him back here because they were the best, but even she couldn't figure it out. It was like he was frozen, not aging, heart barely beating, but warm. He was so warm, and his heart was beating so, so fast.

She leaned in and took in the face that had become so familiar to her over the last eight months. She only left the lab once to grab some fresh clothes that she has since washed over and over again in the lab. She slept in the lab when she finally allowed herself to sleep. She showered there. She ate there. Sitting right next to the boy in front of her. That's where she had lived for the last eight months. She was miserable, but somehow still calm. His presence was constant, and though it meant she still hadn't fixed him, it comforted her. 

"I wish I knew more about you. I feel like you know everything about me. You may not remember any of it when you wake up, but for now, you know. Your sister, friend, sister-friend, Iris? Yeah, she keeps coming in here. She's nice, but every time I ask her to tell me something about you, she just cries. I get it I guess, but I mean at least you're still here. She can still see you. She can talk to you. She hasn't been back in a while. I think she wore herself out emotionally coming to see you. Some people find it hard to talk to someone who doesn't respond. They just don't know how to read the response. I can see it in the machines that you react when we talk. You can hear me. You just won't remember any of it when you wake up. Probably for the best. I've told you some pretty personal stuff. Cisco would pay big money to know what you know." Caitlin stopped to laugh lightly. She does want to tell Cisco all these things. But she hates pity, and she knows he would give her plenty of it. 

"I know a little bit about you though. Your name is Barry Allen. You're a CSI at the Central City Police Station. You live with Joe West who is a cop and his daughter Iris who is studying to be a journalist, I think? It's hard to understand her when she's crying. Your dad is in prison for your mother's murder. Heavy stuff, my friend. Don't worry. Joe and Iris didn't tell me that. I did a little of my own research. Easier to focus on other people's problems than my own." Caitlin looked up a the heart rate monitor as she noticed it changing pace. It will do that from time to time. She also noticed a fluctuation in the brain wave monitor. 

"Ah, you're listening today." She smiled to herself. Finally, she could do some work. She spent the next 20 minutes asking him questions. Asking him to perform tasks to see if it would elicit some kind of muscular response in the form of twitch. Nothing. 

"So you're listening, just not cooperating. You're being stubborn." Caitlin jokingly scolded. 

Cisco finally returned with lunch, entering with no less drama than he does any other time. He bows down to one knee presenting Caitlin with her cheese curds in both of his hands as if he was handing her a precious artifact. In his defense, cheese curds were very precious to Caitlin. Dropping them would be catastrophic. 

They sat and ate in silence until Caitlin cleared her throat. Cisco looked up from his burger, grease covering the sides of his mouth and ketchup dripping form the bun. 

"I know I've been, let say distant, since the accident." She started. "I know you miss him too. I just feel like I'm trapped in this bubble inside this lab where the memory of it all is just suffocating me. Everyone out there is breathing and living and moving on and I'm here monitoring the last bit of damage we can fix from everything. I know I can leave, but I don't want to. Being here makes me feel close to him without feeling like he's gone. If I go home, he'll be gone." She stops talking noticing the thickness in her throat. She hates crying. It's the worst thing in the world to her. She doesn't let herself do it. 

Cisco starts to respond but she puts her hand up to stop him. "What I'm trying to say is, whenever this," she motions to Barry, "is over. Whenever we fix him or lose him. I want to talk about it if you're still willing. And, maybe you'd also be willing to help me move his things out of the house?" She asks, lifting her words at the end in a mock-pleading tone. 

He smiles. A genuine, non-cheesy, smile. "Gladly."

They both react to the monitors beeping. Caitlin sets her lunch aside and rushes over the bed. Nothing has changed. It was just a quick response. 

"What was that?" Cisco asked. He was the mechanical engineer. He was only really there for moral support. 

"I think he was just surprised to hear your voice so quiet for once." Caitlin flatly states, but Cisco can see her smirking out of the corner of his eye. She's back baby.