What I Deserve

I Don't Love Draco Malfoy

I woke up early and left for work. I had to ignore him until I found out a way to tell him I was moving to Paris. Do I even have to tell him? I argued. All I knew was that staying around Draco anymore than I already have was not an option.

Was it too soon, though? Caleb and I have only just met and it's only been a few weeks. Must I jump into this so quickly? What about Harry and Ginny? How was I going to tell my best friends I am moving to another country with a man I just met?

There was a knock on my door and I was fee from my trance. "Come in," I answered. Caleb walked in and I stood up. He grabbed me and pulled me in for a bear hug, and I smiled, taking in his scent. Now why would I want to let this go? He pulled as apart and he kissed my cheek.

"I'm so glad you decided to come with me to Paris," He said, and squeezed my cheek. A sudden thud came behind Caleb. In the doorway was Draco, and papers flew in the air as he stared at me before walking away. I could feel my heart shatter and I knew I had to talk to him. "Is he okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, um, in just gonna go check up on him."

I released Caleb's hand and ran after Draco up to the building top. He stood in the middle, gazing into the scenery of blue skies and marshmallow clouds, the sun piercing through the fluff. I walked slowly to him. "Draco," I said.

Her turned around and stared at me. "When were you planning on telling me? When you were halfway through your flight?"

"Please don't make this a big deal," I said.

"But it is!" Turned back around and brushed his hand through his hair, the other on his hip. "You don't even know this guy, you've only gone out for what, a couple of weeks? And you're going with him?"

I stared down at my feet, not knowing what to say. "I... I have to go. I have no reason to stay." He ran up to me and wrapped his arms around me. "Draco, let me go."

"No!" He yelled. "You don't have to go, and I'm not letting go of you! Can't you see how much I love you? Can't you see my worry, my sincerity? I can't lose you too, Hermione."

I pushed him away. "Love? You love me? Really? You don't remember how much you hated me, resented me? All those years of torture and teasing, how could that turn into love?"

"Well maybe if you gave me a chance!"

"No!" I screamed. "I don't want history to repeat. Remember Ron? He hated me when we first met. He said that himself! And then I decided to date him, and look where that ended up! He cheated on me. He left me alone in the dust! I can't let that happen again! I don't need to have my heart broken. Again." I looked at him, not knowing what else to say. "Caleb offers a new start for me."

"Because of that? You're going to give up because of that school love affair? Does it ever occur to you that Ron and I are actually different people?"

I laughed painfully. "I know better than to put myself into situations I know will only hurt me. Caleb allows me to heal, Draco."

Draco reaches out for my hand and squeezed it gently before placing it on his chest. I could feel his heart beating. "Do you see, Hermione? Do you see what you do to me?" He paused, piercing his eyes into mine. "Can you feel it?" I looked away, feeling his heartbeat faster. "No one's ever made me fell this way before."

I pulled my hand away, fighting the tears that refused to stay.

"Do you even love him?" Draco asked, his voice rising.

"What?"

"Caleb, do you love him?"

"I know that he understands me, respect me, and-"

"But do you love him?"

I wiped a little tear from my eye. "I'm done with this conversation."

I turned away and made my way for the stairs, but before I could even take a step, he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me back to him. "Just stay," he whispered into my ear. I could hear his heart beating. "Just stay and I could show you what you mean to me. Stay and I'll never treat you like Ron did. You said you didn't have a reason to stay. Let me give you a reason." Draco spun me around and grabbed my face. He kissed me passionately. I felt a tingle run through my entire body, and held his arm while he kissed me. I kissed him back. He pulled me closer, his arms around my waist and mine running through his hair. I wrapped my arm around his neck and he bit my bottom lip. Our lips finally parted, and I looked at him. "Stay," He said.

I let go of him, the tears I cried now stained on both our cheeks. "I can't."

Draco let go of my waist and turned around. "Fine, but don't expect to me stay around because you won't come back. I will not wait for you, Hermione!" And just like that, he apparated.

I fell onto my knees and cried.

*****

When I returned to my office, Caleb was nowhere. I called him but he didn't pick up. This was so unlike him. I decided I'd drop by his house before returning home. I apparated to his front door, but before I could even knock, the door open. I looked up to see not Caleb, but Draco.

"Draco?" I asked. "What are you doing here? At Caleb's house?"

He didn't even look at me. "None of your business, Granger."

Granger. We've gone back to last name basis. He walked past me and all I could do was watch him walk away before entering Caleb's house. He sat on his grey couch, the walls a light blue and a white coffee table between him and the tv.

"Caleb?"

He looked at me, and then averted his eyes. "You didn't tell me you and your roommate had history?"

I shook my head. "It's not like that."

"You didn't think I deserved to know what was happening?"

I reached out to him. "I didn't mean to."

"But you did," he yelled, but pulling back. "And the worst part is you didn't even tell me. You let me believe it was me."

"Caleb, I'm going with you," I said. "I want to be with you."

He looked at me and smirked. "I saw you guys," he whispered, "on the rooftop. I saw everything."

I walked to him. "Whatever Draco told you, I-"

He walked up to me, fast and looking dangerous. "He didn't tell me anything!" I stepped back, scared. "He came here to tell me," he looked down. "He came here to tell me that I should love you. The way you should be loved."

"Caleb, I-"

He looked up at me and grabbed my shoulders. "How am I supposed to love you if you keep stuff like this from me?" He wanted me to say it. I could tell. He wanted me to look him in the eyes and tell him I love him. But I can't. Not yet.

"I want to go with you, Caleb. I need it," I reached out with my hands. "I can't say it now, I just need time."

He grabbed my hands and held them together. "I know that you want to love me. But I can't waste time if you're in love with someone else."

"I'm coming with you, Caleb," I said. "I'm not there yet, but trust me when I say I will be." Lie. I just told the same lie I've been telling myself. I rolled off my tongue so easily, and yet, I knew it could not be more wrong.

He held my face in his hands. "I do love you Hermione," he whispered, pulling me in, our foreheads touching, eyes closed, "and I'm willing to wait. I want us to work. If you're coming with me, I'd love it. But I need to know if you still love Draco."

I opened my eyes. I still love him. "No," I said. "I was just lost in the moment today. He has a way with words that make me swoon for a moment. But no," I sighed, telling my biggest lie of all. "I don't love Draco Malfoy."