Placing my fingers over my lips, trying to work out what had just happened, George sat down on the chair beside me and stared into space. As both of us were deep in thoughts, Alex walked into the hospital room carrying a huge bouquet of flowers. If the guilt wasn't bad enough as it was, the sight of Alex with a smile on his face and flowers in his arms made it multiply by a thousand. Well, I suppose there was an upside - all this heart confusion was making me forget about the pain my wound was causing me.
"Hey you," Alex smiled, planting a huge kiss on the lips that George just kissed.
"Hey," I said, smiling back.
I could tell George was watching me closely as I tried to ignore his eyes and focused on Alex. "I've dropped the kids off with Jaymi and Olly again. They seem to love it around there and their daughter loves having the company," he smiled, perching on the bed beside where I was laid. "Are you feeling any better?"
"I guess," I replied, quickly glancing at George.
"What's going on between you two?" Alex questioned after a few minutes, looking and sounding suspicious as if he was interrogating us both. "The atmosphere in here is awkward."
"Nothing. I just said he needs to get back with Lucy. Me getting shot isn't anything to cancel a wedding about. I'm fine now so George can get back home to Lucy now," I smiled. "Can't you?"
George stared at me for a few moments before standing up and grabbing his jacket. "I suppose."
"Thank-you for everything though," I said to George as Alex wrapped his arm protectively around me. "I do appreciate you staying here and.. everything."
George flashed a quick half-hearted smile at me before leaving the room. As Alex held onto me tightly, making sure he didn't hurt me in any way, I couldn't help but follow George with my eyes as he walked past the windows of my hospital room whilst he walked down the corridor. My head was all over the place. The words George said just minutes ago were fluttering around my mind and no matter what I did, I kept re-running over them. Every sentence. Every word. Everything.
*
"Are you sure you're okay?" Alex asked as he kissed my forehead. "You haven't said a word since George left half an hour ago."
I nodded. "I'm still trying to get my head around everything that happened the other day. Well, it was yesterday to me."
"We could have lost you," Alex paused, holding onto me even tighter than before. "I don't know what I would have done."
I smiled before kissing his cheek.
Slowly drifting off in Alex's arms, I began to dream about everything I knew and loved before life got complicated. It was the Saturday - the day after I got shot. Instead of having that last drink, I got a cab home and checked on Ollie and Katy before climbing into my own bed. We'd wake up bright and early the next morning, having breakfast together in the kitchen like we did whenever we could, and then Alex would turn up and we'd all drive to the seaside. Luckily, it was a lovely sunny day so it was perfect beach weather. Alex would take Ollie to explore the rocks and find as many shells as they could find, whilst I'd stay with Katy by our picnic blanket and we'd build sandcastles and then I'd bury Katy beneath the sand up to her shoulders so her head would be sticking out. Her giggle would fill the entire beach. Then we would have got an ice cream and had a pleasant drive home as Ollie and Katy nodded off to sleep in the back of the car with huge smiles tattooed across their faces. That dream seemed like a lifetime of possibilities away from where I was right now. I would have done anything to be there instead of stuck in this stupid hospital bed with all these feelings and emotions that weren't there four days ago.
"Sammy," Alex's voice sounded as I slowly opened my eyes. "Doctor Peterson is here. He's got some news."
"Sammy, I know I said I'd get around to see you as soon as possible but we had a coach crash that I needed to.."
"I understand," I smiled, sitting up slightly but yelping with pain.
"I'll get the nurse to up your dosage of painkillers," Dr. Peterson insisted as he sat down on the chair at my bedside - George's chair. "Do you mind if I talk to you with Alex here?"
I shook my head. "He can be here. I don't mind."
"I'll stay then," he smiled, kissing the top of my head.
I turned back to face Dr. Peterson, making sure I didn't affect my wound anymore than necessary. "What is it?"
"It's not good news I'm afraid," Dr. Peterson paused, giving me a few moments to prepare myself for the bad news. "The bullet entered your stomach and damaged the wall of your uterus."
"What does that mean?" I asked.
"Sammy, you won't be able to have children - anymore children. A trauma this bad is unlikely to heal. We know you've suffered miscarriages before, but this will mean any successful fertilisations in the future will lead to an automatic miscarriage so it is very rare that you will ever get pregnant - and if you do, it will almost definitely end in a miscarriage."
My stomach sank. I never thought of having anymore kids, especially not yet. I was still pretty young, but now my chance had been taken away from me. I was pretty content with Katy and Ollie, but some day they would grow up and I'd get broody.
"I am so sorry, Sammy. We tried everything we could but the bullet had already done the damage," Dr. Peterson continued.
I nodded. "I understand."
"There are things you can do though, aren't there?" Alex asked. "Like IVF and such?"
"IVF is where we implant a fertilised egg into the uterus wall. Sadly, the uterus wall is the problem here," Dr. Peterson explained. "Obviously adoption or surrogacy are options."
"But could I get pregnant and have a successful pregnancy?" I asked, gulping back the tears.
"The chances are extremely slim."
Alex placed his head into my shoulder as he held onto me. After thanking Dr. Peterson for everything he had done for me, he left us to it.
"I'm so sorry, Sammy," Alex whispered.
"It's fine," I lied. "At least I'm still alive. It could have been a lot worse."
