Warning: This song is mostly about gay, so if you are offended by this, skip this song. Also, 3 cuss words.
Elle:
There! Right There!
Look at that tan, well tended skin.
Look at the killer shape he's in.
Look at that slightly stubbly chin.
Oh Please he's gay, totally gay.
Callahan:
I'm not about to celebrate.
Every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate.
This guy's not gay, I say not gay.
All:
That is the elephant in the room.
Well is it relevant to assume
that a man who wears perfume
is automatically radically fey?
Emmett:
But look at his coiffed and crispy locks.
Elle:
Look at his silk translucent socks.
Callahan:
There's the eternal paradox.
Look what we're seeing.
Elle:
What are we seeing?
Callahan:
Is he gay?
Elle:
Of course he's gay.
Calahan:
Or European?
All:
ohhhhhh.
Gay or European?
It's hard to guarantee
Is he gay or European?
Warner:
Well, hey don't look at me.
Vivian:
You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports.
They play peculiar sports.
All:
In shiny shirts and tiny shorts.
Gay or foreign fella?
The answer could take weeks.
They will say things like "ciao bella"
while they kiss you on both cheeks.
Elle:
Oh please.
All:
Gay or European?
So many shades of gray.
Warner:
Depending on the time of day, the French go either way.
All:
Is he gay or European?
or
Enid:
