intertwined (colby brock fanfiction)

chapter ninety-eight

"hello! why are you here?" julia immediately questions colby as soon as she opens the door and climbs inside. "julia," i warn her from the front seat and she throws her hands up in surrender. i giggle at her and the car falls dead silent as we drive in the direction of julias house. i'm thankful that colby is dropping her off first, not just because it's the closest—but because i want to be able to see him alone one last time before i go home to my boyfriend. i ignore the guilt that settles in my chest, and i just focus my attention on the road.

•

"andro?" colbys voice shakes me awake and i bolt up, confused by my surroundings. we are in the garage of my apartment complex, parked next to the elevators.

"julia gave me your address, i didn't wanna wake you up," he shrugs and i nod, processing the events of the night. it's all so consuming and terrifying, i don't know how to feel—or how to go back upstairs and meet with nick after the eventful night i've had. i will have to go straight to bed, because i'm not sure that i can handle lying to the poor boy.

i'm not quite ready for the night to be over yet, i can't bring myself to get out of colbys car before he speaks.

"we should go out sometime... maybe for breakfast tomorrow? just to catch up." oh, how i would love to, colby. but i have a life to return to now, and i don't know if i'll allow myself to see you again. i've already ruined my relationship with nick, i know it. i knew the second that i felt colbys lips on mine that i'd no longer be able to kiss nick the same way. i can't ruin my relationship and go back to colby. if we didn't work out then, what makes me think it'd be any different now? i shake my head at the thought that colby genuinely seems like he's changed, and is much more mature than he used to be. we aren't as young as we used to be, and it shows in the way we interact. but he is still colby, i can't pretend that he is a different person. we are poison to me, we can't be together. no matter how much i want it, it will never end well for us.

"i um... i'm busy tomorrow," i sigh out dramatically. it's my anniversary with nick, and i'm not sure how i'm going to handle any of this. i know our relationship is as good as over, because i could never continuously lie to him and hurt him like that. but i don't want to say goodbye to the stability i've grown so comfortable with. this is my life now, i've almost completely forgotten how chaotic colby makes me feel.

"oh... well that's okay," he says, keeping his eyes ahead of him and away from me. "colby," i whisper, my voice broken from the sadness i feel right now. i don't have the courage to say goodbye, i just have to let this go but i can't.

"andromeda?" he turns to me but keeps his eyes anywhere but on my own.

"i'm sorry... i don't... i don't really know what to feel right now," i admit to the boy. the tables have turned, and now i am the one who is at a loss for words. i don't know how to communicate with colby anymore, not when it feels like my entire life depends on it. what am i supposed to do now? kiss him? cry on his shoulder? leave his car and never look back?

"it's okay, you don't have to feel anything for me. i knew what i was doing when i let you kiss me," he shrugs and my heart breaks. "it's not that i don't feel anything for you, i do. believe me i do. but i just don't know how i'm going to handle this... i don't know what you want—or what i want, or how to get any of it without hurting anyone."

"i don't wanna say goodbye," he whispers. i don't either.

i stay silent as his hand finds mine over the center console, and i let him hold it.

"i should really go upstairs... i think he's there already," i sigh and he nods. "please, see me again. i don't know what to do either, but i don't want to let you go again. i made that mistake before, and i don't want to repeat my stupid decisions." his honesty tonight is actually shocking to me, and i find myself nodding in agreement with the boy. what the fuck am i doing right now? i am andromeda. i do not cheat, and i do not agree to cheat again. this isn't me, but i don't think i care enough to stop it.