Love, Fate and Other Things I'm over

chapter three

chapter three

eighteen months after diagnosis

Enough.

I have had enough of this self-pitying, self-loathing, depressive hole I had dug and let myself lie in.

Now was the time to accept my life- my circumstances were uncontrollable, that didn't mean my choices weren't my own.

By now, I'm basically a pro at anything diabetic related. My parents still help me whenever I need it- even if I won't admit it.

But life is easier.

It's become much simpler.

My friends and family still love me regardless.

They all know what to do and how to take care of me- even though I take care of myself just fine.

The doctors taught my parents and I. And I taught my best friends, they were eager to learn.

I stared into the mirror that was placed on my bedroom wall. Taking a deep breath, I let myself relax, expelling any thoughts that threatened to drown me. They were still there, just lingering at the base of my mind, waiting at the barrier- biding their time, until the dam broke and they were free.

I could hear them hissing in the back of my mind, but I pushed them back and paid them no attention.

"You can do this. You are strong. It could be worse. You are loved and appreciated. You are surrounded by support. All you have to do is be more careful. There is nothing wrong with you."

The last part had become my own self mantra after I almost succumbed to the depression that rocked my body. It hadn't been a great time then, the only light in my life seemed to be the people around me, and that was dimming as the days went on.

The waves that had been my emotions pushed me over the edge. They had tossed me around, catching me in their currents and pulling me under- only for me to suffocate on the seaweed and saltwater.

I had said enough when I had been a year diabetic. I forced myself to smile in the mirror once a day. To tell myself I am enough. I started going to the gym, I started hanging out with my friends and family more.

I became better. The best version of myself that I had yet to see.

"There is nothing wrong with you."

Nodding to myself in the mirror once, I smiled softly.

A smile a day keeps the blues away.