the first letter

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My love,

This is terrifying to write. My whole body is shaking. I've been in love with you practically my whole life; since I first met you. I suppose I'm pouring my feelings into this letter as a way to try and let go. I know you'll never reciprocate my feelings, Simon. You don't need to apologize, and, knowing you, you're probably saying sorry to this piece of paper. I've come to terms with that. I'm a monster, after all. And how could someone as wonderful as you ever love a monster? 

Simon Snow, you were the sun, and I was crashing into you. We were always going to end in flames. So I beat you to it. I offed myself before you could; my own small victory. I've left these letters for you. Because I need you to carry on. And I need you to know.

With love,
T. Baz Grimm-Pitch

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