Orphan

Finally Normal?

Ran’s POV:

It had somehow been two years. I had grown to accept my new family. I still sometimes get a little jumpy around them, but I’m fine. I was told by a doctor I might’ve been traumatized by all the stuff that happened and I may end up with PTSD or something close to it. I don’t want that, but I don’t think I can avoid it.

Anytime something reminds me of the events, I blank out. Or, I lash out. I can get pretty violent if I have memories triggered. It’s bad.

This year has been tough. I found out I wasn’t in the same class as everyone else. I was by myself with kids I didn’t really know. And, the worst part is that they all know who I am. It was all over the news when they found my father and everything else. People know I’m related to him. I don’t know how they found out, but they did.

I get teased a lot. That’s how we found out about the whole trigger issue. I… I may have almost killed someone. Again. They were calling me a lot of bad things and mocking me for being an orphan. Then, they mentioned the fire. They told me that I should've died in it and… went into a lot of detail. I started getting flashbacks and I lashed out.

People are scared of me now. I don’t want to be with these people. Not without my friends. They’re my support in school. Being around them helps. I feel safer with them around. People don’t come up to me when we’re together. They know they can’t get away with saying those things around them.

It was the first day of school. I don’t want to go. But, I was forced to. I drug myself down the street. I didn’t even bother waiting for anyone else, I just kept walking.

“Ran! Hey!”

I paused. I guess they saw me. Looks like I didn’t walk fast enough to avoid them. I don’t want to be around them right now. Because they’ll just tell me everything will be fine. But, they don’t get it. They don’t understand how bad it gets when they aren’t with me.

“You left us behind.” Himari pouted.

I just shrugged. We walked together the rest of the way. Everyone started talking. I joined in to not seem suspicious. I’d rather just try and ignore the problem if I can. Maybe if I don’t think about it, it won’t be that bad?

It was fine until the bell rang to send us to homeroom. I stood outside the classroom. I couldn’t get my feet to move. I was frozen in place. I don’t want to be without them. I can’t do it.

“Oh, we have that girl in our class?”

“Looks like it. Can’t believe they’d let a killer in our school.”

"Best you watch your mouth incase she decides to fight you over your words."

"Why'd they let a psycho in our school anyway? She literally almost killed another student."

I couldn’t bear to listen to any more of it. I took off running. I ran up to the roof. I sat down and curled up. I sobbed as I shoved my face into my knees. I hate this. Why do they treat me this way? What did I do?

I just finally want the chance to be normal. I finally got that last year… but now it’s over. All because they aren’t in my homeroom. Why did this have to happen? Is the world that against me? It seems like it really wants me to suffer. I don’t understand what I did to deserve this. I didn’t ask to be born. I didn’t ask for any of this. Why do I have to suffer because of my parents?

I stayed on the roof the entire time. I left for lunch and then went back up. I can’t face them. I can’t deal with those kids. It’s too much. Maybe it’ll be better if I keep doing this? When my attendance drops, then maybe my new parents will see that I can’t handle it.

…

I had done the same routine for almost two months. The school was threatening to expel me because of it. I really don’t care. I can’t go and deal with that class. I just want to be with my friends. I hate being by myself around these kids.

“Ran. Hello?”

“Huh?” I snapped out of my daze to realize everyone had found me.

“Your parents are really worried about you, you know. Why won’t you come to class?” Himari said.

“You wouldn’t understand…” I mumbled as I curled up.

"Then tell us so we can understand." Tomoe said.

"I don't like my classmates…" I mumbled, "They're mean…"

"What have they been telling you?" Moca asked.

"They keep calling me a murderer… I whispered, "They don't trust me… not after… that."

The incident of me attacking that kid came back. That ruined all my chances of coming back to school and acting like nothing happened. No one will ever let me forget that day. Even the teachers glare at me. I'm not trusted here.

"Then you need to prove you can be trusted!" Himari said, "Show them you're a normal kid like them."

"I can't. I can't do it. Not with you guys being in a different room…"

"Oh… you don't like being alone and having to deal with them…" Everyone connected the dots.

I hesitantly nodded and closed my eyes. I'm ashamed that I rely on them so much. I felt someone hug me. I opened my eyes and looked. Moca had thrown her arms around me.

"I'm sorry that we can't be together in class. I'm sure it'll work out, though." Moca whispered.

"I know it's hard, Ran, but… maybe this is for the best?" Tsugumi hesitantly said, "I just… feel like you rely on us too much. You don't want to stand up for yourself. Maybe now is your chance to do so?"

My heart rate sped up. No. I can't. I'm not ready. I don't want to let go of them yet. I shook my head. Please… please don't agree…

"Ran, you need to learn to defend yourself. I know it's hard after everything you went through, but you have to. We can't always be around to protect you." Moca said.

"No! No… not yet…" I pleaded.

"What are you so afraid of?"

"Please…"

"Ran, I'm sorry, but I think it's time." Tomoe stated, "We aren't going to immediately defend you anymore. You have to try first. Obviously, we'd jump in if we needed to, but you have to try and stand up for yourself."

"No! Why don't you get it!? I can't do it!" I cried, "Leave me alone!"

"Ran, come on-" Moca tried to pull me closer.

I shoved her away and ran. I ran out of the school. I don't care. It's not like I go to class anyway. I ran to the park and collapsed onto a bench.

Why don't they get it? I can't do it. What if I snap again? What if I hurt someone else? Then what? They'll think I'm a monster and leave me. They won't want me around anymore…

I hate everything.