A Journey of True Identity

Chapter III - It Hurts

(Continued from the last chapter)

Did it hurt? Of course it hurts a lot, I couldn't get over how painful it was, considering he was my real first love. On the first 3 months of his rejection, I was really devastated, I missed him like crazy, I tried to hide my pain by faking up my smile in front of him, telling him that I'm okay with his rejection, but of course it didn't last long. Whenever I got home, I couldn't help but crying alone in my room.

I often questioned myself, why did it always happened to me? FYI, I'm familiar with heartbreaks through all these years, but usually I would shrug it off quickly as soon as I knew they didn't like me, but that time, Cedric's rejection was the most painful from all, it was so painful that I wished I didn't confess to him and buried myself up. I missed our little conversations, let's just say he was my everything.

I was on the process of moving on, sure I dreamed of him from time to time, oh by the way I have an ability to foresee everything from my dream, yeah I got it from my mom. We'll talk about my ability later on. Let's focus on Harper. (yeah, I called him Harper, because I felt his middle name suited him more, but I'll let you call him whatever you want.) And not gonna lie, I still got butterflies in my stomach whenever I saw him, whenever I had a dream about him, I blushed so hard 'cause how romantic he was in my dream. I'll tell you more about my dreams in the future.

But all the good things must end. I saw his true color. It was on one of freshmen' welcoming party, on that time my batch was the committee. I was in charge of photography with my team, he was a stage manager with his team, we did pretty good job despite the fact that I was late as my mom's arm got injured, so I had to take care of her before I could go to the party and doing my job. The funny thing is that I was the only one who wore a Halloween costume. Did you want to know what was my costume? It was Italian mafia costume, but I got the vibe from Michael Jackson on his Smooth Criminal MV. Yes, it was Halloween theme, so why not? I felt a boss ass bitch that time . Okay, back to the story. We had dinner during that time, most of the time I took off my fedora because I didn't want to hinder their view to the stage. Then, Tony Robinson Chen aka Tony, asked me whether I could lend him my hat.

"Hi, Alexa, whose fedora is this?"

"Oh, hey Tony. It's mine. "

"Oh, really? May I borrow your fedora?"

"Sure, you can borrow it, and put it on the table after you use it."

"Okay, thank you Alexa."

And he wore my fedora, honestly I never thought how small Tony's face was until he wore my fedora, then after he took his picture, he put my fedora to the table and thanked me for lending my fedora. Well, Tony was blunt for most of the time, but at least he respected me and thanked me after borrowing my fedora. Then I continued doing my job. Let me tell you, during the party, I was the busiest photographer, running here and there to take great pictures, but I enjoyed it a lot. I went back to the stage and saw Harper wearing my fedora. I didn't mind at all, I mean I didn't wear at the time, so it's just okay. Suddenly Bianca Anastasia Jang, one of the most popular kids among us, shouted to me.

"Alexa, Cedric wore your hat!!! (Yeah, she didn't know my hat type is fedora)"

And did you wanted to know what's Harper's reaction? He threw my freaking fedora to the table, as if he was disgusted knewing that it was my fedora, I was like "What the fuck, dude? Just because it was my fedora, you could throw it away?", I was shocked, angry, and speechless at that time, but I couldn't show it, judging the fact that I was in the public, so I hid my rage and joking that I would kill him, my character was Italian mafia, duh. I couldn't believe that all these years I was blinded that Harper was freaking disgusted by me, I should have seen the signs before! Now I know why Harper seems to be disgusted whenever me and Harper were getting teased. He's so UGH!!!

Again I couldn't show my rage to everyone, so I continued to do my job until it was coming to the end of the party. My feet were hurting due to my platform boots, then Bianca offered me to sit beside Harper, 'cause the only empty seat was beside him. I was like "No no no, can you please tell others to sit beside him? I wasn't feeling it." Why? Because I was really disgusted on him, remember? In the end, Bianca sat beside him and finally we had a photoshoot. I didn't take a photoshoot with them a lot, 'cause I did have some beefs on them. I didn't come home early because I was waiting for Andrew Bouvier aka Andrew for finishing his photoshoots with the popular kids, yes he's also one of the most popular kids. Then Bianca asked me to help her taking photos with her popular friends. Of course I did help her, I just loved photography, when they posted the photos, they didn't put my name as the photographer, some "friends" they are. When I was taking their photos, Delancey Thorne aka Delancey offered to take my photos with them, I said no to her and sarcastically putting some truth in my speech.

"No, thank you Delancey for the offer. It's just I didn't want to take photos with them,just as they didn't offer me, so yeah."

And they were kinda shocked, but I think they're just acting their shit up. And yes I didn't take photos with Harper as opposed to the past years. Since the party, I was completely moved on from Harper,because I knew his true color. Oh yes, by the time I told you this, I still hate him. I swore myself that I wouldn't love him anymore, I would be cold to him. It's just really toxic for me, all these years of loving him unrequited burned me a lot of emotions, I felt really exhausted because of him. Lucky for me, we didn't meet with each other for 5 years since graduation.

And that's it for my shitty first love story, I must say that I'm really glad that I knew his true color earlier before it was too late. Soon I'll tell you about my "toxic" friends, so keep on eyes for that tea. As I was finished scrolling through Instagram, I put away my phone and took a shower. Don't judge me, but I take a shower after having my breakfast,in addition to the fact that I could brush my teeth afterwards. Hey, that's the rule. You must brush your teeth after having your breakfast, not before having breakfast. Okay, I'll stop.

After taking a shower and brushing my teeth, I wear my pajamas and take my phone and played a few games, chatting with my coworkers, reading some journals, watching Escape The Night on Youtube (it's my current favorite show), listening to music, and so on. Yup, that's my daily off from work routine. I'm homebody, so most of times during my off days are at home. Lol, I'm such a couch potato, aren't I? Well, I guess I'll see you two weeks later then, bye!

Note :
Alright, so that's for today's chapter! I hope you like it, and whoa this is the longest chapter that I've written so far, I hope I can write way longer than this in the future! Don't forget to comment if there's any improvement tips that I can do for this book. Thank you so much and have a great day! ❤️