If in a few years you ask about a reference couple of passion and complicity, people will tell you their story.
Their love was the same way a spark makes a gunpowder explode yet it burns slowly. It's the same way one momentarily seems to vanquish...
As soon as I finished Édith Piaf's 'La Vie en Rose', despite the applause I gained from the audience, my mind immediately reminded me how these past few days has been and then I thought to myself, "Ha.I should've written a song called La vie en noir and sang it instead. It seems to fit better with my situation."
Nonetheless, the 13th of April, 2016, marked the day that fate decided to give my life a roller coaster ride. Not only was I able to perform as the surprise musical guest at Sean Parker's Institute for Cancer Immunotherapy, I was able to do this for Sonja. She's such a strong woman. People like her serves as the string that I hold onto when it comes to carrying on this dream in music and art. With all the critics and stereotypical standards in society, the highs and lows of my career has pushed me over the edge for quite a while now but because of the strong women in my life - my mom, Natali, my grandma, Joanne, Sarah to name a few who kept my sanity in check and had my back no matter what, I wouldn't be here.
Not that I hate all men, no. Goodness, I love my dad to death and I have guys around who mean a lot to me; but it just frustrates me that there are some who revel themselves with their ego so much that the line between love and selfishness is like a blur to them.
Exhaustion engulfed my body, so I rested my head onto the silver frame of the elevator's mirror. I tried to avoid the eyes that appear to lose against tiredness, staring back at me. My gaze redirected to a blonde woman who seemed to battle with herself internally, figuring out the person behind the face of a lady with smeared stage makeup and smudged mascara that left tear stains that were dried down a few minutes ago. Then, a few seconds later, her face wore a confused look as her eyes drew to my hair which turned from being slicked back to the messy bun that would have made a perfect bird's nest.
I sighed, not giving any care anymore as reality slapped me like a whip. Momentary bliss like this - ones that touch the soul at the thought of helping others and sharing kindness to those who badly need it - made me escape from the pains of the phase that my life is in at the moment.
I haven't seen any of my team and security for the night, other than Mark who I took a picture with before telling him goodnight and getting out of the black dress I wore. I'm pretty much all by myself. I really did not want to bring them to this type of mood with the initial excitement they had for this event as we prepped earlier.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
In the hopes of escaping further, from the thick air that engulfed the environment, I persistently pressed the beaming 12B level button.
Just as the woman tried to break the uncomfortable silence, the elevator doors opened. So, I grabbed my suitcase and the water bottle that I placed on the floor due to my impatience before leaving her a genuine smile.
I basically dragged the luggage and my body down the hallway, trying to enjoy the seconds and sounds of my feet strolling along with the wheels of the bag against the carpet of the hotel just across the benefit concert's venue. The pattern prints of the beige wallpaper made me wonder if any lonely musician has walked these halls with somebody to keep them company, groupies? their soulmates? Pfft. My two cents to that crystal clear idea is slowly becoming cloudy.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Feeling the key card at the small pocket of my shirt, I pressed it against the automated lock and opened the door to reach the light, switching it on and settled... well threw everything into the isolated part of the room. I am completely knackered all I wanted to do was crawl under the sheets of the bed and hope it would turn into a door to Narnia and start a new life. Although I was immediately designated to the most luxurious room for a night. With the number of hotel rooms I've been in, I would have had bottles of magic pills that would heal me from any kind of pain. Yet luxury is unfortunately not a cure for loneliness. Plus, I don't think they would be enough to surface the pain I have experienced and feel right now.
UGH. What is wrong with me tonight?
At this ungodly hour, I typically would have already knocked myself out, face flat on the pillow, snoring myself into dreamland. But the silence made the room look larger, leaving a small figure isolated in the king bed.
As I dived myself back to the pillows, a loud buzz from the nightstand came out with a notification as I retrieved my phone.
15 missed calls.
Skipping my way to my fiancé's room to be greeted by an unfamiliar long-legged girl wearing nothing but his shirt, on a Sunday morning was not exactly my cup of tea. The excitement of sharing a king-sized bed with him after a charity concert I was involved in, drowned out of my system as I put the puzzle that any kid could solve with eyes closed together. The sight that would have swept me away turned into something that I completely want to throw into burning flames as my he followed the girl from behind gripping the blankets from his bed onto his lower half.
After a stretch of cries, horror, and apologies, here I am 3 days later, staring at the missed calls of the guy I'm unsure if I can still call my fiancé. My body can still feel the tingling sensations from the intense betrayal, confusion, and heartache. The girl, who was shocked and flabbergasted tugged Taylor's shirt lower to her midthighs and started making her way out of the door while apologizing. He stuttered in embarrassment and confusion, trying to formulate careful words out but all I heard was the crack of my heart in my chest. After she left, everything was a blur. He somewhat knocked me back to reality for a couple of seconds as I acknowledged his explanation of the drunken mistake and reassurance of his promises when he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him.
I've been with Taylor for almost 5 years now but it seems like that didn't mean as deeply to him as it did to me. Before I let my mind go on anti-men mode, I shoved my phone under the pillow beside me and decided to deal with that dilemma after a good amount of sleep that I find myself drowning into.
