I'm fine

Chapter 3

A few attempts later a beam of light finally took the group away. He heard noises of awe and wonder coming mainly from Daniel. He could also feel Connie and Patricias stare on him, but he couldn't focus on that right now... just focus on getting to Watermelon Island Steven. Watermelon Island. Watermelon Island.

The moment he felt grounded again he peeked out and let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He was sure his face was red. That took way too much energy, and he couldn't breathe properly. His chest felt all knotted up.

"Are you okay?" Patricia asks Steven as he bends over as if he had just run a marathon.

"Y-yeah! Yeah, of course. I just need a second to catch my breath is all. I'm fine." He waves his hand around dismissively as Daniel drags Patricia away to look at all the shiny gems and interesting trees that surrounded them.

"Biscuit are you sure? You're not usually so exhausted after you warp" She says as she offers a hand to him. A hand he ultimately declines.

"Yeah, it's fine. I'm fine! It's probably just the sleep thing catching up with me. Go show them the beach! I'll be there soon, I promise." He reassures her. Connie hesitantly nods as she begins walking off at a rather slow pace. Once she was out of sight he let himself fall to the ground with a sickening thud. He felt a few cuts open up at the impact, but that was the least of his problems right now.

He couldn't breathe .

He felt like he was dying all over again... like... like that one time he barely made it out of the ocean after his bubble popped that day with Connie all those years ago. He felt like he was drowning .

He was drowning.

No, no, no. Ground yourself Universe. He can't have another episode right now. Not when Connie is so close to him.

He felt the ground beneath him, trying his best to breathe in and out and stay in the place he was. Just... calm down. Try not to think about it. Distract yourself. Push it down. Think of something that makes you happy Steven.

Connie? No, she's going to leave you.

Dad? No. He's already left you.

The gems? No, they don't need you.

...

D... death?... it's not really a 'happy' thought in the traditional sense, but it's... comforting enough. So he starts thinking about that to try to distract himself.

In a couple of hours, he can just... he can cease to be. He wouldn't have to feel . He wouldn't have to go through all this pain alone anymore. It could all finally go away. All the terrible thoughts , all the terrible feelings , the terrible emptiness he felt. The clashing of it all... it would all just disappear. Everyone could finally be rid of him. Sure they'd be... distraught for a little while, but afterward they'd see it was for the best. He's all used up. They don't need him anymore, and he sure as hell doesn't need himself. The best thing he could do with his life right now was to take it. It all seemed so easy now that he really thought about it. He was... happy he was finally going to go through with it this time.

He blinked a couple of tears away before wiping his eyes. He stared up at the blue sky for a while, focusing on trying to keep a steady rhythm going with his breathing.

He can get through a few hours. It's only a little longer. Then it can all go away. You can make it through a few hours, Universe. You have to. Do it for Connie.

Get up.

And so he does. He struggles to get to his feet, but eventually, he starts to make his way toward the shore where he can see Connie and Daniel throwing water at one another like how he and Connie used to when they were younger. Nostalgia was such a weird feeling he didn't want to unpack at the moment... or ever really.

His eyes found Patricia who seemed to be sitting in the sand and watching Connie softly. He doesn't know if he should go talk to her or leave her alone to watch his Connie...

While he was contemplating Patirica turned her head to see him after hearing his footsteps approach. She'd wanted to talk to him after seeing... things hence why she was sitting in the sand and not having fun in the water with her friends.

"Oh... uh hi," Patricia's voice pipes up as she pats a place beside her motioning him to sit next to her. He walks toward her and sits down in the warm, almost burning sand.

"Hey" He smiles fakely. There was a comfortable silence. The two sat for a while as they watched Connie and Daniel pretend to drown one another laughing every time the other got the jump on the other.

"Uh... aren't you hot? Maybe you should take off your jacket" Patricia says as he freezes up for a split second before shaking his head. "Nah... I'm good" he says as Patirica watches him carefully before turning her attention back to Connie.

It was unsettling that he wouldn't take his jacket off and it heightened her suspicions. If seeing what she saw in his room wasn't concrete enough evidence, this was. The cuts on his face now unsettled her rather than amazed her. He sure as hell didn't get them from a 'corrupted gem' as he said. That's for damn sure. She was actually quite shocked at how easily he could lie to Connie... and how easily Connie fell for it. Connie trusted him with her whole being... she had to know, even if deep down she already did. She had to find out for Connie. It would be better to hear vocal confirmation, regardless of the physical evidence... but she didn't just want to come out and ask... that would be insensitive and rude.

"She's close to perfect huh? You're a lucky guy Steven" Patirica tells Steven, the boy keeping his eyes on Connie, not noticing Patricia's weird behavior. He just assumed she was like this all the time, he'd never met her before after all.

"Yeah..." He nods in response.