I'm fine

Chapter 4

"Uh..... what the heck was that? Duddde! She was fuming! What did ya do?" Amethyst's laughing voice seemed to knock Steven out of his trance.

"Huh?" Steven mutters out as he raises his eyes from the ground to make eye contact with Amethyst, only then did he notice that the gems were home... why? Why now? It was really inconvenient.

"OH, MY STARS! STEVEN! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE!?" Pearls over exaggerated voice screams as she runs over to her baby boy to hold his face in her hands and examine his injuries.

"Oh... oh right. Uhm... I found a corrupted gem earlier and tried to heal her, but I got distracted and she reformed before I could heal her and she... uh attacked me" he says, his voice unable to hold any real emotion... he just wanted to die. Why did they have to be here?

"What?! Why haven't you healed it yet? Do you know where the corrupted gem is right now!?" Pearl says as Steven stares up at her blankly. It kind of unsettled her. Where was his fire? Where was the life behind his eyes?

"Uh... my gem is acting up. Plus the fountain's drained" conveniently "so... I can't really heal myself right now. And no sorry... I uh... I lost her" Steven shrugs and removes Pearls hands off his face.

"What's wrong with your gem?" Garnet speaks up for the first time today as she walks toward Pearl who seemed concerned. "I dunno... it's just acting up. It'll all stop soon don't worry about it" The certainty in his voice unsettled the gems. Why was he so sure his gem wasn't going to play up anymore?

"Let us see it," Amethyst says as he reaches for Stevens' shirt without any prior warning.

He reacts immediately once he realizes a hand was coming for his gem. He couldn't help but freak out.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" He immediately glowed an almost blinding pink and aimed to smack her hand away, but he didn't only smack her hand. No of course not. He hit her in the face as well. With such strength that she went flying into the door.

"Ow! What the hell man?!" Amethyst yells out in frustration as she gets to her feet properly. His glow immediately vanishes once he realizes what he had just done.

"I'm s-sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you!" Steven panics as he reaches out to Amethyst who flinches back in response.

He hit her.

He hit her!

What the fuck is wrong with him?!

"It's fine dude... just show us your gem." Amethyst mutters as she rubs her head in slight discomfort.

"I... I..." He stutters as his brain starts to finally catch up to the situation he's currently in.

He's cornered himself huh?

God everything is so fucked up right now.

Everything was really catching up to him! Oh god, Connie!- no! You can't think about that right now. Focus on where you are now. Just get through this. You're so close. So close.

"Steven?" Garnet asks, her voice softer than usual... he hated her pity. He didn't need it.

"I... I'm cracked," Steven says unsure of himself. Was that the right move? It's not like he really had any other choice.

"You're- WHAT!?" Pearl panics as she paces back and forth. Garnet stood stoic, probably sorting through all the possible futures to pick out the best road to head down, although she seemed frustrated. "I can't... I can't see" Garnet facepalms as she tries to focus.

"Oh, stars! We have to refill the fountain at once!" Pearl screams out.

"That could take days" Garnet informs Pearl as the other just falls further into a panic.

Wow... he just... keeps on fucking up, huh?

"Dude don't worry about it. We'll figure it out okay?" Amethyst smiles softly. Steven looks at the other and nods.

'Sure they were.' he thought sarcastically to himself...

Not if he had anything to do with it.

He was going to fucking die today. He didn't care how, he didn't care when, but it was happening and nothing was going to stop it. He was just so tired. Too tired to deal with anything. He was pushed past his breaking point years ago. He honestly doesn't know how he's survived this long. He'd be impressed if it was anyone else.

"Hey... uhm... do you happen to have... a hammer lying around anywhere in your room? The corrupted gem kind of fucked up the bathroom and I wanted to fix it up." Steven mutters softly to the purple gem. Amethyst was completely unphased by the cursing. She was the only one he could really swear around without being scolded. It was nice. Although she seemed confused by the question.

"Why don't you get Bismuth to do it?" Amethyst asks as she watches Pearl and Garnet bounce ideas off of each other. It was slowly turning into an argument between the two.

"Just thought it was something to do" Steven shrugs nonchalantly. Amethyst looks between the two bickering gems and Steven. It was better than letting him stand here and watch the two fight. He'd had enough of that growing up. Amethyst nods and leads Steven to the temple door, opening it to her room and gesturing for him to follow her.

"We can go find that hammer while they uh... calm down, yeah?" Amethyst looks back to Steven softly... he seemed so far away but seems to find the energy to nod along with whatever she was saying.

"Yo... you seem out of it," Amethyst raises her concerns as the door shuts behind the two and she starts dives into garbage pile after garbage pile to find a hammer for her Lil Ste-man. At least fixing up the bathroom would take his mind off the current situation, right?

"Yeah... just uh... stuff" Steven shrugs, searching high and low for that damn hammer. He was getting twitchy and nervous. It wasn't sitting right with Amethyst.

"Is it... stuff with Connie?" Amethyst asks and Steven freezes... Connie.

He misses Connie.

"Yeah," he mutters as he kicks some garbage.

"What uh... what happened?" Amethyst treads carefully... obviously it was a sore subject and she didn't want to be too pushy.

"I... I broke up with her-"

"WHAT?! Dude- yOU DID WHAT?!" Amethyst pops out of a garbage pile to jump in front of Steven who seemed unfazed by the sudden outburst but stops in his tracks to look down at Amethyst.

"Why? I- thought you guys were perfect?" Amethyst says and tilts her head to the side like a confused puppy. What was going on with Steven lately?

"Yeah well... feelings change, blah, blah. Look, I don't want to talk about this anymore" Steven mumbles as he waves his hand around dismissively and pushes past Amethyst. "Okay. Whatever dude." Amethyst rolls her eyes at his attitude. God, were all teenage humans this moody?

Amethyst dives headfirst into another pile and starts searching for that damn hammer. Why did he want only a hammer, anyway? Why not ask for a whole toolbox?... something felt off about this... she's already pushed enough as it is though and decided against asking him why. She'd ask later if it really started to bother her.

She jumps out of one of her garbage piles and watches Steven quietly as the other stares off into the abyss. Something was just- something was off. She felt it in her gem.

"Hey uh... are you doing alright Ste-man? Yah know... you can talk to me right?" she says a little unsure of herself. Steven slowly moves his attention to her... he looks so tired now that she really looks at him. Were those black rings under his eyes? When was the last time he slept? And Peridot did mention that last time she hung out with him during a Camp Pining Hearts marathon or whatever it was called. Maybe she should bring it up. Humans needed sleep, she knew that much.

He seemed to stare at her for a while before snapping out of his trance and threw on a sudden smile. "'Course Amethyst, don't worry I'm fine. Here let me actually be of some use and help you find that hammer eh?" Steven waves her concern off as he jumps into a nearby trash pile. Amethyst furrows her eyebrows.

"You uh sure? 'Cause uhm... P-dot mentioned you've been having some weirdish dreams... and you seem a little tired? Are you sleeping okay?"

Of course, Peridot went and told her. Not like he could blame her. He put her through so much of his emotional bullshit when all she wanted to do was watch a show with him. But he had to go and ruin that too, huh? Yet another example of how he just hurts everyone around him.

"It's fine," Steven mutters grumpily, Amethyst senses the irritation in his voice and sighs. She'll stop pushing.

"Okay... but... but if you aren't feeling well... just tell me yeah? You're my little brobro?" She smiles softly as Steven kept searching through all the rubble to take his mind off things.

"Yeah, okay..." Steven says. Amethyst nods, unable to shake the terrible feeling she felt. Regardless she kept searching and searching. If this hammer was gonna make him feel better even in the slightest. It was worth it. She couldn't stand to see him so... hollow...

Roughly half an hour passed before Amethyst had emerged from a pile with a sound of delight.

"Ste-man! Guess what I found~~" She sang as Steven's head popped out from a trash pile.

"If it's another spoiled burrito I ain't gonna be happy about it!" Steven chuckles beneath his breath. She was so silly sometimes... it's one of the many things he loved about her. She was always the easiest to talk to. She always helped him let off some steam by just goofing around. He was glad at least that she stopped with the questions and just went back to how things were. It was nice.

"Not this time! Catch!" All of a sudden there was a hammer heading straight for his head, but he caught it with no hesitation. Oh wow... it was bigger than he thought it would be.

"Oh." He mutters and the mood shifts as he stares down at the hammer in his hand... it was heavy. Not just in weight, but it was the fact that this was going to end it all. He felt something at that thought. Something heavy.

"Huh... uh. Thanks, Ames" Steven says as Amethyst walks toward the other and pulls him out of the pile he was currently sitting in.

"You're welcome bro" She smiles confidently, happy that she could help lighten his mood. It was an improvement from half an hour ago at least.

Steven takes a moment to look between the hammer and Amethyst. His smile is wobbly for a second before he brings Amethyst into a tight hug, he almost poofed her, she swears. It startled her for a second before she relaxed into the hug.

"Thank you." He says as Amethyst awkwardly wraps her arms around the other.

"It's no big deal dude" She mumbles just as awkward as he continues to hug her.

...

"I love you Amethyst," He says all too gently as he pulls away. She looks up at him in a confused daze.

That came outta nowhere...

"I... uh? Love you too little man? Like... a lot. Yah... yah know that right?" She responds back obviously confused and a little disturbed by the nature of this hug. It felt all too... final. Does that make sense?

Steven nods softly.

"Mhm. Okay."

"Bye Amethyst" He smiles a smile that was all too fake as he walks toward the temple door.

Something about that smile man... it didn't even reach his eyes.

She could only watch as he walked out the door, closing behind him in an instant.

She didn't want to be clingy and bother him again... it was probably some weird human thing anyway. He'd talk to her if he wanted...

Right?

...

As the temple door closed behind him. He stood still for a few moments trying to recover from the fact he'd never see her again.

It was for her own good. Press on and just get it done Universe. Don't give yourself time to talk yourself out of it.

"Steven." Garnet was suddenly in front of him. If he was in any other state of mind she may have seemed intimidating from the way she looked down at him paired along with the fact that she came out of nowhere.

"Something is evading my future vision. I'm trying to look ahead for you to figure the best course of action to take but I can't... I can't see anything. There isn't anything to do with your crack or you in general. My future vision depends solely on what I know, and how much information I have about something or someone I want to know about. A similar situation took place a long time ago with Pearl when... she lied to me to fuse if you can remember that far. I couldn't see anything back then because of it. I know there are too many variables to explain the lack of pathways I see here, but I must check with you and tick this off the list. Would you happen to be lying to me about anything Steven? Can you think of anything important that could be affecting my vision like this?"

Steven simply threw on a confused looking face and made it seem as though he was thinking long and hard about what she was asking him.

"I don't think so? Nothing really stands out to me. Is there anything specific you need to know?" He asks as if he was clueless as to why her future vision was out of whack.

It was cruel really. He was cruel. This ability was a part of her being, it's hard for her to cope when she can't see. She always falls back to it when things get confusing and it always comforts her to at least have an idea when something is going south. So when she couldn't see it bothered her to no end. He knew this and yet he was confusing her on purpose just to serve himself. It was disgusting. He was truly and undoubtedly disgusting.

"No... sorry to bother you, Steven. Thank you for trying to help. I must go to my room to focus now. I will see you at dinner." Steven nods as he watches her move past him and toward the temple, but before she leaves he grabs her hand to stop her for a split second.

"Hug?" He says. It was barely audible. She trembles for a second looking back at him.

"Of course," she says as she squats down to his level and wraps her arms around the smaller being.

It had been a while since he'd asked for a hug. Must be in some sort of distress. She'd ask him about it later when he seemed less tired and when he had eaten. It was better if he was less irritable to ask about his well being. She knows how snappy he can be when he's tired.

"I love you, Garnet," He whispers and hugs a tad tighter before pulling away.

"I love you more Cutie Pie" Garnet chuckles softly before booping his nose. He chuckles lowly before smiling and waving as she walks off into the temple.

It was unusual for him to act this way. She'll ask him about it later. As well as why he seemed to have a hammer? He'd seemed a little stressed out lately. She'll convince him to take a break later. Right now she needed peace and quiet to meditate and focus.

Steven sighs to himself before raising his head to see Pearl sitting on the couch. A troubled expression plastered across her face as she stares up at the ceiling aimlessly. She looked lost.

"Are you okay, Pearl?" His voice pipes up as he makes his way toward the gem in question who jumped at the sudden question. The hammer seemed to drag him down wherever he went.

"Oh! Steven. Yes! Yes. Of course. Just coming down from the panic from a few moments ago. I'm sorry I freaked out. I know you're old enough to deal with it yourself. I told Garnet not to worry. We're trying to be less smothering, I'm sorry it's taking us so long to get this right. You must forgive us. Teenage humans are a new territory entirely." Pearl blushes thinking about the embarrassing actions and screeching she had just partaken in a while ago.

"You know how I was when I heard you were getting your own room, right?" Pearl stifles a laugh as Steven laughs softly.

"Yeah..." Steven smiles softly as he takes a moment to think of that day... it had been hilarious really. Pearl was crying overdramatically just thinking about him boarding off his room while Garnet stood stoic trying to hold back tears. Amethyst was teasing him about it saying things like 'Why would you want to board your room off, huh? Unless-! Oh, Steven! How scandalous!', obviously it was to help her cope.

The two sat there in a moment of nostalgia as Pearl looked to the other, frowning slightly at the cuts on his face that haunted her for some unknown reason. She also noticed something in his hand.

"Steven, why do you have a hammer?" She asks as she stares daggers into it. She doesn't like it, and she has absolutely no reason as to why she was so offended by it.

"Oh." Steven snaps out of his trance to refocus his attention on her. It was harder than it sounds to stop zoning out and focusing on something entirely new. It kind of made him dizzy.

"Uh... corruption did a number on the bathroom. Thought I'd... fix it" he somehow gets out. It was getting harder and harder to put words together. He hated lying to them. He was quite surprised really that Garnet hadn't asked about it earlier.

Not like he'd tell them the truth anyway.

'Oh yeah guys, just on my way to the bathroom to shatter my gem into pieces. Don't worry 'bout it! I'm fine.'

Hah.

What a thought.

"Oh? Okay. Would you like any help? I'm pretty handy actually. Bismuth has been helping me a lot with human architecture." Pearl smiles proudly at her accomplishment.