Incorrect Quotes: My Friends Edition :D

IT'S BEEN SSO LOOOOOONNG--

JESUS, IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I'VE UPDATED MY STORIES! Here children, have a chapter.

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Alphonse: I really don't think you should drink any more coffee today...

Night: Coffee cures depression.

Alphonse: I don't think it works like th-

Night: MORE ESPRESSO LESS DEPRESSO

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Tarot reader: Now I will show you your fortune.

Teeboo: Cool, I guess.

Tarot reader: Why is every card death, what the fuck, I don't even have that many death cards.

Teeboo: Figures.

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Foxy: How do you politely tell someone you want to hit them with a brick?

Night: One wishes to acquaint your facial features with a fundamental item used in building walls. Repeatedly.

Kelpie: That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

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Night: Quick! Foxy is losing a lot of blood! He needs a blood transfusion, what's his blood type!

Kelpie: B positive.

Night: I'M TRYING BUT HE'S LOSING A LOT OF BLOOD

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Alphonse: A waiter could literally kill me and I'd still tip 20%

Teeboo: I'd actually tip more if they murdered me. That's great customer service.

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Kelpie: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.

Teeboo: Killed without hesitation.

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Night: Was I really that drunk?

Kelpie: The police were called because you were all so loud and when he asked for your name, you motioned to your face and said, "Google it, bitch"

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(Imma just add two more of my friends here; introducing Anna (we'll call her Ashido) and Kira (we'll call her Kiragiri))

[Kiragiri had joined the group chat]

Kelpie: Mom

Night: Mom

Ashido: Mommy

[Kiragiri has left the group chat]

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Alphonse: What are you writing?

Teeboo: A deep poem about giving up on existence... you wanna hear?

Alphonse: Sure.

Teeboo: "Heckity heck, please snap my neck."

Alphonse:

Alphonse: Foxy, come here! NOW!!

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Kelpie: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?

Alphonse: Maybe a bit tipsy?

Night: Drunk.

Teeboo: Wasted.

Foxy: Dead.

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Here you go, my children! Let your eyes feast upon the new chapter that I've brought you. Have a nice time with your social distancing!