melting heart. | the boyz

bbangkyu ¦ seventeen

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「 seventeen 」
kim younghoon & ji changmin
word count: 953

in a world where colors only appear once you genuinely fall in love with some, changmin was happy to met younghoon. that is until the colors started getting dimmer and dimmer until they returned to black and white again.

⌗INSPIRATION/BASIS !
heathers the musical - seventeen

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changmin always adores his colorful world. it amazes him how much colors can bring everything into life. he likes staring at blue clouds, and how it makes him calm. he likes staring at the yellow sunflowers, and how it makes him happy. he likes staring

and most importantly, he likes staring at younghoon's eyes - eyes that seem to hold the whole galaxy in them. it makes changmin feel so many things. it makes him feel safe, happy and safe at the same time.

he only got to see colors a year ago, and that was when he met - and to an extent - fall in love with younghoon.

in a world where you can only see colors if you genuinely fall in love with someone and see them as your one true love, changmin is glad he met younghoon early in his life.

he always wondered what things would look when they have colors, and thanks to younghoon, he now knows. meeting him was the best thing that ever happened to his life. his world became colorful, quite literally and figuratively. he gave color to his world and acted as the best person changmin can possibly have.

younghoon is the sweetest, most perfect person changmin can ever ask for. he was there during his ups and downs. he was there to cheer him up whenever he's sad, or support him whenever he's doubting himself.

changmin promised himself thaf he'll never let go of younghoon. they'll never break up. they'll never become strangers. they'll marry, and live happily ever after, just like in movies and fairytales.

but promises are meant to be broken.

younghoon is too sweet. too caring. too loving. too perfect. to the point that changmin doubts if he even deserves younghoon's love and attention. too much that he doubts if he can even return it equally. too much that led changmin to think that he's not enough for him. too much that led him to think that younghoon deserves someone else better.

"don't you want a life with me?"

changmin woke up one day with his world in desaturated colors. he thought there's something wrong with his eyes. he thought it's just because he lacks sleep. but no. the next day, the colors became dimmer, more desaturated. and as each day passes, the colors became darker and darker until one day, changmin woke up with his world black and white - the same world he had when he still haven't met younghoon.

he asks himself what's happening, and an answer formed on his head. though he didn't entertain it because it can't be. it can't possibly be.

he met with younghoon that day, and no matter how much changmin tried, his heart doesn't flutter anymore on younghoon's sweet words. his cheeks don't blush anymore even when his boyfriend's lips brush against them.

changmin's problem is answered. the thought on his head was correct.

he has fallen out of love.

how did it happen? he doesn't know. maybe it's because of the constant worry and insecurities that came with younghoon's affection. maybe it's because hus anxiety drowned and overpowered the love that he felt for him. either way, he has fallen out of love.

he immediately told it to the boy in front of him, with the cliché excuse of "it's not you, it's me". with changmin falling out of love with younghoon, one can think that he is now numb with his feelings. but younghoon's replies to him made him tear up and ask himself, " why am i so stupid?".

"i just don't understand. was i not enough? did i do anything wrong? clearly there must be something for the colors in your world to wash away."

changmin looked away. "no. it's me. it's all because of me."

"don't stop looking in my eyes." younghoon held his chin and forced him to look at him. "now tell me, what happened?"

"why are you so stubborn? i told you: i fell out of love with you. maybe i got bored. maybe i was unsatisfied. but at the end of the day, my feelings were gone."

younghoon's grip on his hand loosened, and he let out a bitter smile. "i thought you wanted a life with me. i thought we wanted to stay together forever. turns out i'm the only one who thinks that way."

"i'm sorry. i didn't intend for this to happen, i swear." changmin bit his lip to surpress any more tears from coming. "it just happened naturally."

"it's fine. i understand." younghoon gave him a smile. but changmin knows it's fake. he knows him too damn well. he knows younghoon is trying his best to not break down in front of him. "maybe this is just infatuation. maybe we were taking this too seriously."

"we can... we can still be friends though, right?" younghoon stood up to leave, but he looked at changmin one last time.

"we still can." changmin watched him leave, but before younghoon can even walk any further, changmin spoke again.

"i'm sorry, younghoon. i really am."

"it's fine. i'm fine."

changmin watched his disappearing figure, and that's when the tears threatening to come out since a while ago finally dropped.

and just like that, the man he once loved is gone. the colors that he adored so much is also gone. his once colorful world became dark and gloomy once again. and it's all his fault.

but is it? they're still young. maybe they aren't really meant for each other. maybe they just met so that they can teach each other what love and pain feels. maybe someone else is destined for them. afterall, they're just seventeen. their journey has just started.