Confessions of an Ex-Death-Eater

Friday 21st December 2007

It had been a shit week for Harry. There was no other description for it.

Draco had sent him an Owl as soon as he got back to the Manor, he apologised profusely. He sent another on the Sunday. And the Monday. He appeared to give up after Tuesday's went unanswered too.

Harry ignored them. If fact, he tried ignoring the whole conversation. He didn't want to process any of what Draco had said, partly because he knew it was true, partly because he'd spent the week thinking of nothing else.

And the conclusion was, yes, his life had slipped into conventional mundaneness. As Mione put it, boringly steadfast. He knew it was because he'd put Teddy above all else and there wasn't an issue with that, in fact, he knew it was the right thing to do. Only that seemed to have failed too because Teddy was still really angry with Harry and had ended up shutting himself away in his room with his drawing and only coming out for meals and school and refusing to look at Harry, his mousey brown hair hanging around his face in lank tousles so it covered his eyes. Harry was at a loss what to do. He didn't know how to reach out to Teddy. And he felt utterly befuddled about what had happened between him and Draco. He hadn't even been running since the morning of Teddy's accident, just when he was getting somewhere and starting to feel a bit more in shape. He even thought he might be able to see some definition forming again. Only now all that had slipped. He was thoroughly fed up as his life seemed to be rapidly falling down a dark rabbit hole into mundane loneliness.

He was glad the Christmas holidays had begun so that he could have time to take stock on what was happening. Currently, that meant sitting in the dark in the sitting room which was only lit by the flames of the fire and the lights on the Christmas tree and only because they were on a timer. He was sitting on the floor, his back against the settee, hugging his legs, his chin resting on his knees, and staring blankly at the wall. He didn't even flinch when the Floo kicked into life and Draco stepped through into the gloominess.

Harry watched as Draco stood still for a while, adjusting to the low light and gathering his bearings. Then he stooped and picked up book which was still on the floor where it had fallen a week earlier.

As he stood up, he realised he was being watched. 'Harry?'

He was by Harry's side in two strides and sitting on the floor beside him, albeit rather stiffly and definitely not looking at him. They both gazed at the flames in the fire in silence for a while before Draco reached out and took Harry's hand, loosening it from its grip around his knees and holding it gently. He carefully rubbed circles on the back of Harry's hand and Harry found it to be rather soothing. It also made his breath hitch. He tried to shrug that away and remember the hurt he was feeling but it was hard with Draco sitting so close and smelling so good and being so tender in his ministrations.

'I'm trying to channel some Gryffindor braveness here,' Draco said lightly. 'It's pretty hard for a pure-blood Slytherin who's always been a bit of a coward. But I need to undo this mess I created.' Draco sighed. 'I'm sorry, Harry, I said utterly the wrong thing after pushing you for no reason whatsoever other than my own stupid selfishness. So, this is what we're going to do. I'm going to go and see Teddy and explain a few things to him and then take him back to the manor where my mother will feed him and Scorp. Then the two can have a sleepover. Just because we've had a falling out, it doesn't mean their friendship should be damaged. You're right to put them first. While I'm gone, you're going to have a shower and put on that nice sandy jumper and those jeans that you were in the other week. Then I'm going to come back and take you out for a meal, like we're going on a date. A proper date. And we're going to talk openly and get to know each other from scratch. And I'm going to court you.'

Harry didn't answer. What was there to say? The man had likened him to Voldemort.

'I won't let you slip away, Harry, because of my stupidity.' He patted Harry's hand twice and heaved himself up, leaving Harry to think it over.