you shouldn't read this

mi papá

i feel like fucking shit. i seriously cant stop crying. my dad just left us and i don't even know if he's going to come back. he told me i was a good for nothing bitch and when my mom heard all the hurtful things he was saying about me, she came out and defended me. my eyes are all puffy and red. i don't think i've ever cried this much. she called my aunt and told her she couldn't let him do this to me. not with everything that had happened. the only person i've told about this was savannah and i'm so grateful for her, but i only told her that my dad left. i don't have anyone to talk to about this in person and i just need someone here with me. someone who i can count on. my sisters are asking my mom questions like "who's going to pick us up from school?" or "how are we going to live without dad here?". i really wish i was old enough to get a job because i want to help my mom out in some way. i was on the verge of killing myself but stopped since i remembered how much my mom was suffering right now, i couldn't be selfish and kill myself for my own problems when i knew she was suffering as well. she once told me if one of us died she'd die, because it would hurt her. what broke me was when a few hours ago she told me "i can't take this anymore." my dad is treating all of us like shit and i always acted like it would be okay when he left and i would be fine with it, but now i'm crying in front of my mom, my siblings, and i feel completely helpless. my dad knew about my depression. i told him i would be better off in the hospital and he looked sad. so if he knew about it, why would he leave and make me suffer even more?