CORONA, BUT MAKE IT VIRUS
Posted: 8:02am
Tags: none
Good Morning, Assholes! My spies and I have a public service announcement that we are sure you won't want to miss and it's name is CORONA. No, not that Corona, we mean, Corona as in the virus, as in CORONAVIRUS. We know that some of you don't actually listen to or read the news and only come here to get your tea, so we will provide you with a little background. A disease that originated in China has been sweeping the globe by storm, and over the past couple of months or so, cases of this disease have popped up here in our beloved country and have been growing by the day! Funny, just after our campus finally got rid of Microvirus, we get hit with this! But please don't get the two confused, Assholes. Microvirus was a 'cute' virus, so much that we here have secretly been calling it the 'Bae-rus'. It allowed us to miss a few classes, sleep in, and stay-in with our boos and baes, but Coronavirus isn't cute and not to scare you all, but it could be fatal. Do you feel prepared? Neither do we.
Symptoms to look for:
1. Dry cough
2. Sore throat
3. Shortness of breath
4. Fever
Experts are also telling us that this virus is very contagious and as the number of cases continue to worsen in our country, we may need to start doing something called social-distancing. What's that? Staying 6 feet away from bae, the hoodrats, and your hoodrat friends. With that said, what is our university doing? Obviously, we can't always stand 6 feet away from fellow OYUers or our roommates. Well, we have received word that the university is trying to keep us all calm right now, which is why we have not yet seen any Bull Alert emails, but they most likely will not be able to keep quiet for long. So what could this potentially mean? I have a cousin who goes to college in California, and she told me that her school may likely send all of their students home where they would take classes online. You know, to enforce the whole social-distancing thing. You didn't hear this from me, but my bet is that OYU will be doing this much sooner than later.
5 Tips on what you can do now?
1. Wash your hands! Apparently, washing your hands and not touching your face are some easy ways to protect yourself from the virus
2. Should you start social-distancing? We haven't heard much about this as of yet, but it could become our realities in the near future. You should be coughing/sneezing into your elbows though......we hope that this isn't new news to you.
3. If you feel sick, stay in your dorm! Do not attend classes or any events! We need to care about and take care of our fellow OYU Bulls
4. Start thinking about what you want to bring home and what you wouldn't mind leaving at the university
5. Stay calm and positive!
This is all we have for you about the virus and the university at this time, Assholes. We will keep you updated if we learn of anything else, but in the meantime, we ask that you stay on your best behavior.
P.S. - Your best behavior means abiding by the 5 tips stated above ;)
The Knew Your Times
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Onika Maraj looked wearily over the Old York University campus through one of the MacArthur building's women's bathroom windows. Rain was falling heavily over the campus as she watched the tops of student umbrellas shuffling quickly through the late winter/early spring mess. She had just finished her last class of the day and thought that she would quickly run into the bathroom and wash her hands for the seemingly umpteenth time before meeting her boyfriend, Robert Williams, once he got out of his class.
