Alexa and Katie: Fight or Flight

Ch.13: Heartbreaker Weather

Alexa's POV

I decided it would be better to keep my friends informed sooner than later, so I had my mom let them know they could come by today or whenever they were available. With how sick and out of it I had been feeling recently, my mom had made non-family visiting hours "by appointment only" which meant they had been pretty much non-existent.

Spencer was free almost immediately as his mom was still making him lay low and not take on any extracurriculars yet, so he came straight from school. Katie on the other hand had practice rehearsals to prepare for the upcoming theater auditions and a shift at Wired that afternoon, so that left me with another day to figure out how to tell her. 

"Hey Lex" Spencer greeted as he walked in, breaking me from my trance.

"Hey" I tried to put a smile on my face as my parents helped me sit up before heading out the door to give us some privacy. I'm sure they would break the news to Spencer's mom as the three of them would typically hang out in the waiting area while us kids hung out for a bit in my room.

"It feels like it's been forever since I've seen you" Spencer said and seemed nervous himself, tugging on the beanie on his head.

"I know, it's been a rough couple.. well months now" I sighed. I had no idea how to even put words to what I had to tell him.

"I have to tell you something" we both said at the same time, nervously giggling when we realized what happened.

"You first" we laughed as it happened again.

"No really, you first" I said since I knew there was no way his news was worse, although I found my mind race to pray that he wasn't relapsing too.

"Ok. I don't really know if there's an easy way to say this. I feel so bad and I wish there was something I could do. Just know I love you no matter what," he paused, taking my frail hand in his own, "I'm moving. My mom got a job offer in California. It pays way better which we need after all my treatments. And she thought you know, it would be good to get me in some new surroundings now that I'm better, get out of Virginia. I really don't want to leave you though, not while you're still sick especially."

"Oh" was all I could say in response. Of all the things I thought it could've been, I didn't think it could be that. It really never even crossed my mind that Spencer could leave me before I left him, at least not in the moving 2,600-something miles to California type of way.

"Don't be upset please. I would do anything to stay. But we can still FaceTime all the time, your mom might even like that better so there's no chance of germs," he tried to joke but the frown quickly settled back on his face, "And I have some money still saved up. My mom says once she starts working she'll work on getting me the difference for a plane ticket back for a visit. And maybe when you're well enough you can visit me too, I'll scope out all the best spots"

"Yeah. Yeah, you know, we'll make it work somehow" I said as I swallowed back some tears that threatened to fall. I just wasn't sure how I'd be able to manage that one when it actually came down to it.

The two of us just sat in silence for a few minutes, the tv being the only source of background noise to let me know this was real. I think we both knew we wouldn't really last long once he left, but also that neither one of us could do anything about it, me especially knowing what I had to say next. But all I could think about was the fact that California had broken up the only two relationships I would ever have. What's so good about it there anyways?

"So. What was it you were gonna tell me" Spencer broke the silence.

"Oh. Yeah. About that" I took one look at him and all the tears came rushing back to my eyes.

"Lex? You're scaring me" he said softly and brought his hands to my cheeks to wipe away some tears that already started to fall.

"I'm not getting better. And I've exhausted pretty much all my options. I'm just exhausted" I started through sniffles.

"I don't understand, what are you saying?" Spencer asked, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"I'm going home. No more treatments. I'm just gonna enjoy whatever is left for me" I said and fully accepted the heavy flow of tears knowing I couldn't hold them back.

"What? How can you just accept that. Just let cancer take you like that?" he stood up and started pacing my room.

"I'm not 'just accepting' anything. There's nothing left for me here, so I'd rather just be comfortable in my own home" I defended my choice.

"How am I supposed to just leave you here? Leave you to die" he exclaimed.

"I don't know. I don't have all the answers Spence. I didn't expect you to be leaving but maybe your mom is right, maybe the move will be good for you" I responded, unable to look him in the eye anymore.

"How do you know what's good for me? You clearly don't even know what's good for yourself" he spat, but I could tell he immediately regretted his words as he tried to take it back, "I didn't mean that Alexa. I just can't. I can't just accept such a big decision like this, it's not fair"

But it was too late, the damage had already been done in my eyes.

"You know what, it is unfair. But it isn't your decision to accept. Maybe you should just go, I'm tired anyways" I heard myself say, but it didn't even feel real. None of this did. I couldn't handle any of this anymore so I stuck to my words. I shifted to my side in the uncomfortably small hospital bed and closed my eyes for long enough to hear Spencer sigh in defeat and walk out before I allowed more tears to fall. The moment didn't last long as in the next second my parents were already back in the room.

It was clear they could see my tears so I just opened my eyes and cried an ugly sob into their open arms.

"Oh Alexa, honey. It's gonna be okay" my mom comforted as my dad rubbed my back.

Oh how I wish that was the truth.

That somehow I could just fall asleep and wake up without terminal cancer.

Without having to face the most difficult part- telling my best friend.

If Spencer's reaction was that bad, I didn't want to even think about telling Katie anymore.

So instead, I continued to cry, pulling apart from my mom's arms just in time to see the stormy September clouds rain down on Virginia. Although I was still stuck inside the unwelcoming confines of my hospital room for the time being, I could almost feel every one of those raindrops pour down on my poor, defenseless heart.

----------------------

Author's Note: I owe you guys lots of apologies. Sorry for my false promises of more updates, for abandoning this story more than once, and lastly for posting so late. Or early? I dunno, it's 5am and I still can't sleep so I wrote this whole thing in an hour (so if it sucks, that's why) and decided to just post it. I'm not gonna make any promises about the next update, just know that it'll probably be like this one, meaning I'm just gonna randomly post it as soon as I write it. Thanks for sticking around this far, hopefully I haven't totally disappointed so far. Stay safe, stay healthy, and, for the love of all things, stay inside! Wash your hands! Be responsible! Even if you haven't been personally affected by the actual virus (because, let's face it, we've all been affected by the panic it has caused) or haven't shown any symptoms, think about the real-life Alexa's who can't fight off this virus as well as others. Actually, just think about all the people, this virus doesn't discriminate and could be devastating for anyone at this point. Ok, once again it's 5am and I'm just rambling now, so I'm gonna stop and go to bed finally. Bye!