𝗡𝗶𝗰𝗸𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗲𝘀 -𝚃𝚑𝚎𝚘𝚍𝚘𝚛𝚎 '𝙻𝚊𝚞𝚛𝚒𝚎' 𝙻𝚊𝚞𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎

Chapter 21

Field in between houses. 1866.
Laurie and I walk through the field in between our houses together, as we've done for years.
"Meg married, Amy and I off to Europe, now that you're a graduate, you'll be off on a long holiday - Beth's here all by herself. I don't know if I want to go to Europe." I tell him
"You don't have to go there." Laurie tells me.
I laugh,"Why? Should we run off and join a pirate ship?"
    He looks at me, and inhales, about to talk. I see his face and immediately know what is about to happen.
I panic,"No, Dore-- please don't."
"It's no use Mary; we've got to have it out.." Dore decides.
I deny it,"No, no, we don't..."
"I've loved you ever since I've known you, Lyn -- I couldn't help it, and you've been so good to me -- I've tried to show it but you wouldn't let me; now I'm going to make you hear and give me an answer because I can't go on like this any longer."
"Laurie, stop. I thought you understood." I try to speak.
Laurie ignores me,"I've worked hard to please you, and I gave up billiards and everything you didn't like, and waited and never complained for I hoped you'd love me, though I'm not half good enough than James Vanderbilt--"
"I didn't ask you to give up anything. You shouldn't have to change yourself for me. I'm so grateful to you and so proud of you, I don't see why we can't just stay friends?" I question.
"You can't see why we can't just be friends?" He pauses then yells and waves his hands around, "Because I love you!"
"And I loved you!" I yell back at him. My eyes start to get watery.
" Loved?" He questions as he steps closer.
"Yes. I loved you. I watched you with Jo and you loved her. And that broke my teenage heart. But then I realized that your friendship means so much to me to let you go." I tell him with tears. I look away from him.
Laurie backs away from me like I just hit him.
"I can't love anyone else except you." He replies.
I sigh,"Teddy, I want to love you but I can't. I just can't anymore."
"If you ever loved me Mary, then it wouldn't be hard to do again." He says, coming closer to me.
"I can't." I cry. I put my hands out to make sure we keep our distance.
"Everyone expects it -- Grandpa and
your family, Mary say you will and let's be happy!"
"Laurie, you have to stop." I tell him.
"Why? Why should I stop telling you I love you?" He questions.
"I love you!" He shouts at me.
"I'm engaged, Laurie!" I yell. My voice cracks. I take a deep breath and lower my voice,"I'm engaged to James and I'm afraid that if you don't stop, then I will fall for you."
"Then do it! Fall for me. I'll catch you."He replies, heartbroken.
"I can't. I'm not going to give up a relationship, that is going well, for a boy who couldn't tell me he loved me when I was so obviously in love with him." I reply before wiping my tears,"I've always been your backup. I've always felt second to Jo. I've even felt second to Meg."
"You've never been second. I've always loved you. I never loved them." He tells me.
I close my eyes and clench my fist," You have a funny way of showing love."
He looks away and I sigh,"You will find somebody else. Someone way better than me."
"I'll be hanged if I do! You're the person I want to be with for the rest of my life!" He shouts while walking closer to me.
"If we just confessed our feelings earlier, then I would be completely in love with you. But I'm engaged to a wonderful man. He doesn't deserve to get his heart broken." I inform Teddy.
He starts walking away and the turns back to me,"Anything more?"
"Nothing more -- except that..." I pause."I don't believe I will love someone like I did you. You are my best friend."
Laurie shakes his head,"I'll wait for you. You will realize that you're not in love with him. You will come back to me. I know you will, it's your way, and you will and I'll watch. I'll be there for you."
"Dore..." i try to talk but I can't.
He straightens up and walks away. I cry as I feel my heart is breaking, even though I am the one who broke it.
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March house. 1866.
Amy and I are leaving for Europe with Aunt March in two days. That's doesn't give us a lot of time to pack but everyone has been helping out.
I told Jo and Meg what happened between Teddy and I when I came home. Of course, it was really hard to make out what I was saying. I blame that on all the crying.
Eventually, Meg told Marmee, and Marmee let it slip in front of Amy. Jo told Beth and then Marmee also told father and Hannah.
It's so great that everyone knows that heartbreaking conversation between me and Laurie. He went on vacation with Mr. Laurence. He left a long while ago.
I can't blame him. I don't really know what to do anymore.  Now, everyone knows I broke Teddy's heart and that I'm engaged to another man. Might as well call me the town whore.
I've just been in a runt ever since that day. It's like I know what to do but I'm avoiding doing it. I need to be a spinster for awhile and find myself.
I know that I shouldn't tell anyone else. James deserves to be the first person to know that right now  I can't love him the way he wants me too. Laurie was right about that.
Aunt March is throwing us a engagement party. There I'm going to tell him.
I sigh and close my notebook. I decide to get ready for the party. I am so excited. Did you hear the sarcasm in that?
I put on the dress that I met James in. Honestly, now that I think about it, that's pretty messed up. But what can I do?
I'm not going to let a boy ruin my dress for me. If I did, I would never wear the same dress twice.
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My whole family arrives at the engagement party. Everyone is here. Marmee, father, Jo, Amy, Beth, even Meg, and Mr.Brooke, are celebrating.
I didn't get a chance to talk to James before the party started. Now I will have to sneak us up to my room.
I walk up behind Amy, who is talking to Beth, "It's not fair! Why does she get to marry James Vanderbilt AND Laurie is in love with her?"
I quickly walk away from that conversation,  "I really don't want to hear that right now."
Beth saw me but Amy didn't. I feel like I'm that girl. You know? That girl that everyone hates because everyone thinks she's so perfect, but really, she's struggling on the inside but, everyone fails to see that because, again, she looks like she's holding it together.
I see James talking to John. James carries a champagne glass in his hand. That's what I need champagne. If I'm going to get through this, I'll need alcohol.
I start taking alcohol off the trays being served around. I chug 2 glasses and sip on the third one.
I walk up to James and John. James pecks my cheek,"Just the girl we were talking about."
"Oh, is it good things?" I ask, still playing a part.
John laughs,"isn't it always?"
"James, can we talk in private? I want to go over some wedding details." I ask him.
"Can't it wait? I'm still talking." He replies.
"It can't wait." I reply and start making my way out of the parlor.
I hear footsteps behind me so I assume he's following me. I go upstairs to my room. He walks in behind me and I shut the door.
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Poor poor Laurie. Sorry y'all but it was getting too chummy.