A reason to doubt me

You don't change

I tried to get ready as quietly as possible, but I still woke up Jeff while wandering around in our bedroom. He always exhales deeply once he‘s awake and starts rolling from one side to the other in attempt to get more sleep.

Admitting his defeat, Jeff sits up in bed. „You‘re leaving this early?“

„Mhm.“ I sit down at the vanity and brush my hair. „Karen set up an appointment with my clothes designer, she wants to do a fitting before the rehearsals.“

„Which means, I shouldn‘t be expecting you home early?“

„No.“ I turn to look at him apologetically. „But I‘ll try to get out of there as soon as possible.“

"And when is that?"

"I don't know, honey. I can't give you any answers. I'm not even sure what we're doing today. We're possibly going to settle on the set list and catch up, but I don't want to make you any empty promises."

"And from all the women in the world, I had to fall in love with a rock star. I wish you had a 9 to 5 job." Judging by the tone of his voice, I know he's not being serious. 

"Well, don't I make your life exciting?"

"You know I'm joking, sweetheart. I wouldn't change what I have with you for anything in the world." I'm ready to go and he knows it. "A goodbye kiss?"

I smile and walk over to his side of the bed, but stop and point my finger at him. "No funny business."

"What do you mean?"

"I know it's hard for you to let me go, you have many ideas in that head of yours."

Jeff smiles and puts his hands behind his head. "I have no way of keeping you hostage now."

I press my lips to his and linger for a moment. "See you tonight."

"Have a good day!" He calls after me before I leave.

~

When I get to meet the band, I'm relieved to find only Mick and John there. I've been a nervous wreck on my way here, I can't stop thinking about seeing Lindsey in a few short moments. I keep telling myself I'm over him, but I'm not and I'll never be. It's ok when I don't see him, I allow myself to think just a little about him, but once we're around each other every day it's unbelievably hard. I hate the fact he's just as gorgeous as ever and I try, but I'm never able to take my eyes off him. I love watching him when we perform, he puts everything he has into our shows and it's great to watch, I admire him for that a lot. I often ask myself what is it exactly that I feel for him, but I can't find an answer. The closest I get is desire, at least I hope that's what it is... I wish things were much simpler.

While I'm attempting to settle an argument between my head and my heart, I feel two hands on my shoulders, giving a gentle squeeze and I don't need to turn around to know who it is. But I do anyway and smile widely at the person, drawing me into a hug.

"Hey."

"Hi yourself." He pulls back, keeping me at arm's length, not even ashamed of giving me a once over. 

"You're shameless, Mr. Buckingham."

"I like beautiful things." He shrugs and gives me that half smile. "And you are most certainly the most beautiful of them all. You don't change, Stevie."

"What about your wife?"

"What about her?"

I'm taken aback a little. We always tease each other and never keep ourselves from flirting on stage and off, but I definitely didn't expect him to be like this right away, it usually takes us a little bit more than five minutes to be our usual selves.

"I shower you with compliments and you're not going to say anything back to me?"

"You're beautiful too, Lindsey?"

He laughs and shakes his head. "I think handsome will do." 

"I'm not really supposed to be telling other men such things."

"We're alone." He leans closer and whispers, his palm resting comfortably on the small of my back. "I won't tell anyone."

The smell of his cologne is making me dizzy as I whisper back to him. "You're very handsome, Lindsey." 

I stand up straight again, not taking my eyes away from his, those blue oceans are enchanting. I almost had forgotten how easy it is to get lost in them. There's no one around us and it would be so easy to close that gap separating his lips from mine.

"What are you thinking about?"

His voice brings be back. "Nothing, I was just... Nothing." 

"You're a horrible liar, Nicks."

"Yeah, well..." I shrug. "I'm not telling."

"Do I have to force it out of you?" He raises his eyebrow.

I feel my mouth go dry. "How... How are you planning on doing that?"

He wraps his arm around my back and I feel much more of his body than I should right now. "I was going to..." He stops and steps back at the sound of Mick's voice.

"Right, everyone's here finally!" Mick announces then gives Lindsey and I a questioning look. "Everything ok?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" I'm shocked at how indifferent Lindsey is acting right now. I could have sworn he was about to kiss me or at least threaten to do so. 

"Please, guys, no nonsense between you two, ok? Let's have a nice tour and enjoy ourselves."

"Mick, we were just chatting." I say, wishing I hadn't opened my mouth, that didn't convince anyone I'm sure.

"I hope so. Anyway, let's go take a seat and start getting some work done, we must sort out what songs we're doing by the end of today." We don't disagree and follow him.

Lindsey takes my hand and slows down to make some distance between us and the rest of the band. He brings my hand to his lips and kisses it. "I'm going to get that answer out of you." And like nothing has happened, he turns to look straight ahead and catches us up with Mick, John and Christine.

My heart is beating out of my chest. I knew this would happen.