My Thoughts

My Undiagnosed ADD

After rereading this, I made a LOT of mistakes that I had to fix. I will bold the letters. I will also italicize each time I get distracted.

I can never shut off my mind. It is always thinking, playing songs, etc. In these past few hours, I have a list of uncompleted tasks. First, I was looking at fonts to use to make a collage. Then, I saw a certain font that reminded me of an idea I had of a diner that I made up in the past called Decades Diner. Then, I looked up if a diner with that name already existed. I checked Google maps. Then, I got sucked into looking at different places for an hour or two. I started playing music that reminded me of the places I was looking at, and then I began looking through my Spotify songs. I never made the collage, and it is hours later. I was planning on reading two hours ago, but now I have just cried about how I have not completed anything.

So, I've decided to document everything I do that affects my everyday life.

- When I text people, I make grammatical mistakes all the time. It's not because I don't know how to spell the words, but I type and send my messages too fast. I would say it happens 65% of the time.

- Reading is one of my biggest weak spots. I zone out of the text very often. It could be the most interesting book in the world, and I will still zone out. Also, whenever I get a book that I am actually very excited about, I CAN get into it for a while and do pretty okay. But, I never pick up the book after one reading session. I have so many unfinished books.

- I miss instructions more often than my peers do. Both written and verbal instructions I miss. For written Instructions, I tend to forget parts of what I read or I just simply skip over some sentences that really affects my work. For verbal instructions, someone could say something that could last a few seconds, and it would be in those few seconds that I would be zoning out and completely miss the instruction. I truly believe that my grades would be better if it wasn't for this. Similarly, I make silly mistakes on assignments all the time, and with all of these mistakes added up, I think it seriously affects me overall grades by even a letter grade.

- I could be in a conversation with someone, who could be directly in front of me, and I could completely miss something they said to me. There have been SO many times that I have had to say, "I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. Could you say that again?" The worst thing is, I could even be listening, but the words I hear do not process in my mind. The words remain as sounds that I hear, but I cannot interpret.

- Songs play in mind mind 24/7. This is not an exaggeration. Sometimes it can be multiple song at once. This makes doing work and falling asleep difficult.

- I have no sense of time. Time passes way too quickly or it passes too slowly. Sometimes, I could get sucked into something (like YouTube or TikTok) and not even notice that hours have passed. Other times, I could be impatient. A great example is when someone is telling a story, but they telling way too slow. I usually get really frustrated (even physically frustrated, where my heart beats fast and I feel angry).

- My mind is distracting enough. I have had sleep-deprived nights because of my mind constantly going. I will just be staring into space for hours. Also, I don't even know that hours have passed.

- Sitting still is hard. I am constantly shaking my leg, or even my whole body. I cant sit in uncomfortable chairs for too long, which is why I prefer to read in bed (which is also a problem, because that encourages my mind to wonder).

- Waking up and falling asleep are both equally difficult because of my lack of sense of time and my mind wondering. In the morning, for example, (right after writing this I got completely distracted by something else for a minute or two) I would just lay in my bed because I can't find the motivation to get up.

- I do way better in scholarly environments, and doing work from home is really messing me up. I am so behind. I have even lost motivation to even complete the work now. I am getting worse each day. There is nothing in my mind convincing me to even pick up a pencil. I have no incentive. I feel like my brain is broken.