Hearts & Minds | WATTY Winner

Chapter 27 | St. Helena | Part 3

     "His Porsche," Theo said. "I was home from boarding school for the holidays. The twins were at some middle school party, and I was getting ready to go to a friend's. My mom and dad had had a big fight at dinner. She'd left the house. Taken the twins early to their party. I guess I thought she'd come back for me. I wasn't ready, which is why I didn't go with them.

"We had a lot of cars because my dad collects them. Motorcycles too. I had my learner's permit, and my mom would take me out sometimes to practice. Anyway. After the big fight, my dad went to his study. He'd been home for a few days. At first, when he'd come home from a work trip, he'd be Joe Nice Guy. But after a while...." Theo swallowed. "Sorry."

"Don't be," Nora said.

"Did I mention he has a wet bar in his study? All stocked up with whiskeys and bourbons and crap. He's a drinker, my dad. And he's a mean drunk. Likes to use his belt for any kind of infraction, real or imagined. He was good about hitting where it didn't show, especially on a kid like me who was in swim trunks all the time."

Nora reached for his hand, relieved when his fingers wrapped firmly around her own. She got up from her chair and stood next to him at the window.

"He came to my room while I was getting dressed to go out and started in on me. I don't really remember what it was about. My grades, my PSAT scores. Maybe it was the fact I'd come in second place during my last swim meet. Usually, I'd just duck my head and say as little as possible. It's like suicide to argue with him. It's asking for it.

"Then he said I couldn't go to my friend's. That pissed me off, but I think I did a pretty good job of hiding it. I decided I'd wait for him to fall asleep then sneak out to the end of our drive so my friend could pick me up. That would have worked, except...except my dad started to take his belt off. I begged him not to. I tried to reason with him. But when the blows started coming—" he swallowed again. "For the first time, I didn't just cower. I fought back. I pushed him." Theo squeezed Nora's hand. She squeezed back. "He fell. I think we both realized that I wasn't a little boy anymore, that I was actually nearly as big as he was, and only going to get bigger.

"Anyway, getting pushed over by me—that really pissed him off."

"What happened next?"

Theo gave a small, dry laugh. "It didn't occur to me to push him again. I think I was scared I'd hurt him. That I'd do to him what he'd done to me all my life. To my mom. That I might actually like hurting him. That I'd be like him." He shook his head. "So, I ran. I grabbed a set of car keys—his Beamer, his business car—and I got the hell out of there. I didn't know where I was going, what I was doing. I didn't even think to turn on the headlights. Just the fog lights. I was too panicked, especially when I realized he was on my ass. He'd gotten his Porsche and he was chasing me. Even drunk, he was a better driver. So, I sped up. I left him in my dust. And that...that's when the accident happened."

Nora looked out the window into sky, the orange fading away into a blue violet, and let the quiet of the moment bathe them. "I'm so, so sorry."

Theo turned to her, regret twisting his lips. "Those are my demons."

Nora shook her head. "Alexis was wrong about you."

He raised an eyebrow, bemused.

"You aren't boring at all." She smiled, encouraging him to do so too. He did.

"I'm not scared of your demons. They aren't you."

Theo pulled her to him. "Let's get this straight—I have demons, but I'm not a demon. Neither of us is dating anyone, nor are we engaged, promised, or married. We don't swim in the same gene pool—have I got it right so far?"