Don't Leave

Chapter Three

When you awake the next morning Ben is no longer beside you. The blanket beside you neatly tucked under your pillow, as if no one was ever there. In the haze of waking up, you wonder if you had dreamt him coming over, however on your nightstand atop the book laid a note:

** (y/n),

I'll meet you outside to walk to breakfast.

Ben Solo

All of this was written in some of the most beautifully constructed calligraphy you had ever seen. You look over to see it's not quite bright enough outside to leave so you lie in bed for a few more minutes.

All of this was so new; someone to care for you, someone who understood not only the feeling of darkness but also understood the panic attacks and anxiety that came with it, and someone who you thought was attractive. You pondered it all, but then you thought back to Luke and how adamant he was of you and Ben not being as close as you are. It didn't make any sense, and you hoped Ben felt the same way.

Getting out of bed was easy knowing that Ben was waiting for you outside. You pulled on some clothes and shoes and then grabbed your satchel and opened the door.

"Hey," Ben was reaching towards the door when you opened it, his face instantly lit up as his gaze met yours, "Good morning." He spoke softly as he pulled his hand back to his side. Ben was wearing white robes today, you wondered if you would be getting robes any time soon.

"Good morning," you looked at him questionably, wondering why he was reaching towards your door.

"I was," he reached into his satchel and pulled out a few pieces of paper, "I'm assuming you didn't get around to writing the rules out on paper like Luke asked," he gestured the paper towards you, "so here." He smiled.

You looked down to realize that he had written it all down for you, "Won't Luke know it is your handwriting?"

"No," He laughed, "he would have no clue what my handwriting looked like."

You just nodded, "Thank you." You put the papers in your satchel and then reached your hand out to grab Ben's.

"(y/n)." Ben pulled his hand back from yours. "I think it would be better if we didn't pretend to ourselves that this," he gestures to your hands, "is okay."

You stop walking, "What? What does that even mean?"

"It's just, I don't want Luke to be on you all the time about us." Ben continues to walk, "I also don't want you to feel like you have to defend yourself just to spend time with me."

"Ben, wait!" you chase after him, he turns around to face you as you approach "I don't really care about Luke – and this," you also gesture to your hands, "doesn't have to be any more than a friendship."

"(y/n), if this continues, I think we both know it'll be more than a friendship." Ben's voice is lower, his eyes are dark as they stare into yours, "And we both know that that isn't tolerated within the Jedi community."

Ben turns around and starts walking towards the mess hall, and you are left speechless in the middle of the dirt path with other students passing all around you.

You look around and notice a path of worn down grass and decide to follow it. You need to take a moment to yourself, and you're hoping that you can find somewhere to do that.

As you walk down the path, the grass gets taller and there are plants that nearly reach your hip. You look around and realize you are quite a bit away from everyone else and decide to sit down in the middle of the path.