What Could Have Been

I

Sansa took a long breath when the sunlight woke her. It was morning already, a morning she had both waited too long to arrive but was afraid of living at the same time.

"Pod?" she called in a whisper, feeling the heavy arm around the middle.

He hadn't left in the night, which Sansa didn't really know if it was good or bad. They didn't share a bed every night but did so more often than not and their four children plus the one in her belly were enough proof of that. They should still be asleep, but not for very long. Maybe they took that from their mother, but none enjoyed sleeping late, always enjoying the hours of the morning.

"Yes?" Podrick muttered onto the back of her neck.

"It's time to wake up."

He didn't answer verbally, only pulling her closer, and Sansa licked her lips when his manhood poked her bum.

"Can we stay here a bit?" he asked, glancing at the light coming from the windows. "It's very early,"

Sansa let out a very soft moan when he started to move against her, taking his hand to her thigh and slowly lifting her night shift.

"We have things to do," she closed her eyes but didn't move or ask him to stop.

"We can take a moment," he kissed her skin and dipped under the furs to lie between her legs, taking his place and making the Queen jump as soon as his lips and tongue touched her most sensitive parts.

When they had gotten married, Sansa didn't know what to expect from Podrick. At 22 and two years into her reign, she wasn't the innocent maiden she'd once been, and everything she knew of laying with a man was the pain Ramsay enjoyed inflicting her. Her new husband – the one she had chosen to marry when it became clear the lords wouldn't be calmed without an assurance of a Stark heir for the North – wasn't like any of the others that came before him. They were both there by their own choice, and he knew better than to wish her to fully love him and let go of her past but made his mission to love her and their children the best he could and to make her feel like in heaven every single day.

When in bed, he would kiss her all over and make her peak before putting himself in her, and then would give her even more pleasure before spilling his seed. He would talk to her, and listen to her worries when she felt comfortable to open up with him, and knew his place was to be her husband and a lord, not the king. They both knew who the people considered the King in the North, and he would never replace him in their hearts, or in Sansa's heart.

Podrick knew his wife would never tell him about what had happened between her and her cousin, but he knew that what they had had before he left to the wall. He didn't need words to know that Jon Snow was the one who owned her heart. It was not that his wife didn't love him, but she would never love him like she had loved Jon. He'd hurt her, and nothing could change that, even him.

"God," Sansa let out in a tight moan when he entered her, connecting their foreheads and taking her sweet lips in a kiss. Maybe after this child was born, they could have another. The North was thriving and the people celebrated more and more every time they announced they were expecting another prince or princess. Maybe another child would take her mind away from Jon Snow and show her that her husband was more than just a liability she had gained affection for.

Podrick kept his eyes open when Sansa peaked around him, kissing her wildly while chasing his own pleasure.

They lied there, and she gave herself a moment to just appreciate him. Reaching and kissing his lips softly.

"We should go now," Sansa whispered. "People will be arriving soon."

He smiled and cupped her stomach. There was a roundness there that wasn't there a month or two before. Maybe they were having twins again, she was growing just as fast as when she was pregnant with Robb and Ned.

"Wait until they hear the news," he smiled.

He waited until he was facing away from her to ask what was in his mind since the letter had arrived. This way, he would avoid seeing Sansa's reacting to the implications of it.

"Is Lord Commander Snow arriving today?"

His wife stopped and took a long breath.

"Yes," the Queen confirmed. "His chambers were settled."

Today was the 10th anniversary of her coronation, and the nobles and common people had been invited to Winterfell for a celebration. Sansa invited Jon every year for all their celebrations: Her name day, the name day of each child and the celebrations of her years as Queen. He never showed up for any of those, nor for her coronation or her wedding day. It was a surprise to hear that he would come this time; she could barely believe it and was honestly expecting him not to come. Ten years without seeing him were painful, but maybe it had been for the best. She had a husband and four children. She was happy. So why did she still need to see him before letting herself fully believe that?