overkill (tw!)

disappearing grave

sensitive

a flurry of wind tackled the yellowing net curtains up into a dim room under the glow of streetlights, it was violently quiet except for a song blaring into the ears of an anguished person rooted to her bed. her gaze was focused on the moving images on the laptop pressing down on her knees but her eyes were mostly singed from an ache that incessantly scurried down her face, hot and jagged. her head was throbbing but she didn't dare move, not even to set her laptop aside and give herself the heavy sleep a night of tears always promised, she just remained as if there were mechanical explosives strapped to her, subdued as she regarded the sudden forthcoming determination in her. she had vanquished these feelings before, not in any desirable way but with a familiar tool, an old friend. she stared down at her laptop, amused at how she'd rather hear her parents scolding her for breaking it on any morning a hundred times over hearing what they had just said to her half an hour prior. still she carefully set it aside and leaned over to her bedside drawer, dragging it open and pulling out a small porcelain jewellery pot embellished with some runes and roses. she placed it in her lap for a moment to hold her arm tightly knowing she needed the final push to lay down in that disappearing grave. she felt the blood course through, angrily beating the walls of her skin as it moved, she took it to have come from whatever rotting black corpse was dislodged between her bones and flesh. a being that caused her to behave as aggressively as she just had done before her parents said some very scornful things, the more she thought about the events earlier that night, the more the seething remarks blurred with her notions about the cold hard truth. the line was almost undistinguishable just as the demon inside her had wished her to see. perfect. she opened the box and from it raised her single companion on this long night. the metal had dulled significantly since the first time she had noticed it, when she was hunched over on her school desk rattled by trembling thoughts about her identity, it shined so brightly to her as it extended all its sly purposes as a hand of comfort. now she held it close to her, ready to stroke her skin with fresh openings, ready to watch all the villains scamper out. the headlights of a passing car glided across the ceiling, momentarily giving her skin a bronze sheen, but it was enough. enough to see all the old attempts. closed, pale and demanding to be recognized, she remembered where she was, a feeling she could never leave no matter how many times she tried to let herself out. she suddenly noticed how dreary the piece of metal looked against her and felt fatigue consume and relax her. she tossed it into a dark corner and laid down on her bed, letting exhaustion wash over her and pull her in.