After as in After

Chapter 25

Hardin pov

I love you this big- Scotty McCreery
Love if-Jonas brothers
Falling awake-Gary Jules
Skin-Zola Jesus
What a day-Grey Laswell
Next to you-Chris Brown & Justin Bieber
Holding onto you-Twenty-one pilots
Love blooms- Brian Tyler
Not your fault-Brian Tyler
(Let me know what you guys think)

      She makes her way back to the bedroom to change out of her towel into a pair of her jeans and a pair of black panties and bra in her other hand. I really think she wants me to fuck her brains out again. Forcing clothing in my hands after she's changed and by changed I mean has her jeans on her body and a black lace bra hiding her boobs from my sight. I can't get ready when she's shoving her boobs in my face, walking around with only a bra on. I decide to get dressed because I'm starting to get cold just standing there but I'm admiring the view.
"Hardin we have to leave in one hour so get dressed." We have an hour. I only need a couple minutes. I throw my gray sweatshirt at her so I don't stare at her chest the entire night, not that it would be a bad thing. I go out into the living room space and I see her cleaning up the untouched apartment.
"You do know that we're going to their house right? Not the other way around." I should really be used to her OCD but it just seems so out of control that I forget she needs to light a candle after we have sex. She gives me a look like she's saying 'you know' and all I can do is respond by rolling my eyes. "I'll go get the car while you finish, whatever you're doing."
"No it's fine I'm done," we make our way out the door and into my car.
"I'll text Karen saying we're on our way." I nod and focus on the road ahead. She's staring at her phone with wide eyes and I have a strong urge to take it out of her hands and read what's bothering her. It makes me uncomfortable when she's uncomfortable and so on.
"Tessa?" She looks like she's zoned out but I can't help but act on my urge.
"Hardin, no. You're driving." I can see Steph's name on the screen. Why is she texting her? I read a few of the texts but don't get that far because Tess is screaming at me about road safety and so far my nostrails flare. I'm either going to crush her phone in my hand or turn around before I punch the fuck out of this steering wheel.
Hey Tess. I think we should get together sometime.
That was the first text I saw and that's all I needed to freak out.
I miss you and I know Hardin misses his friends. She hasn't responded to any of these.
"How long?" I ask her.
"What?" Was she ever going to tell me about this.
"How long has she been messaging you. You have to tell me," I'm not even trying grip the steering wheel but Tessa's eyes go back and forth so they're probably white from my firm grasp. Two messages and I'm out of control.
"I don't wanna talk about it, please don't make me talk about it." We haven't really talked about that one night because I couldn't possibly put her through that tragic event and I definitely can't watch her go through it again. I always think back to that night and I should've been with her instead of being an asshole. I try not to think about it too much or I might go hunting and be found with a dead body and bloody knuckles. Which wouldn't be good at all.
    We sit in silence for the rest of the way and I park right in front of Landon's house that Karen and Ken are staying at for the weekend. Tessa's already out of the car and at the door in seconds. Once I'm inside the house I take some time to take in the fancy place where my step brother-not step brother lives and it reminds me of the mansion my supposed father lived in that I once in a while wreaked.
I hear everyone in the kitchen and follow the sound of cheer to find myself in a room with a lot more people than I thought.
"You guys go have fun," I hear Tessa say to them and suddenly the house is empty except for Abby and us.
"Tess, can we talk about this?" I know what she's going to say but I at least have to try to get her to talk to me. I don't want her to feel alone in this again, like she needs a greenhouse. I'm her safe place and that's it. No more running away and no more screaming at each other, depends. But we've been so good that I'm not letting a bitch like Steph create an unnecessary argument. Oh, so this is what Tessa was talking about when we first started our relationship.
"Abby what do you want to play with? Wanna go upstairs?" She's really ignoring me, using Abby as an excuse to not talk about the snake that hurt my girl. Before I can stop myself I've already written a paragraph in a text with Steph's name on the top but I stop myself when I hear the girls upstairs laughing. Silently I growl at her number and make my way to the light of my life.
Tessa says, "Can we not right now?" I sit down next to her and Abby starts screaming just when I wrap my arms around Tess.
"It's ok Abby, we can fix your booboo." There goes her normal voice and her baby voice takes over. Don't get me wrong it's adorable but I don't see the point in it. Hopefully one day I'll get it. "Let me kiss it to make it feel better," never heard that before but I'll keep that in the back of my head for sure. She kisses Abby's finger and in her high pitched voice says, "all better." Making Abby laugh and she goes back to playing with what looks like a bunch of Barbie doll's.
"Tess?" She looks up at me after giving the doll to Abby. "I as well have a booboo." She bursts into laughter and it's the cure for everything. "So who were all those people downstairs?" Trying to change the conversation.
"They were going out with Karen and Ken but Landon and his fiance go to dinner." Of course she found out everyone's life story in the few seconds of meeting them.
She picks up another one of Abby's Barbie dolls and gives it to her, "Here Abby." It's cringe but I can't help but smile at the two of them. "Isn't she cute?" I look at Abby then back to Tessa.
"She's beautiful," I completely forgot that she was referring to Abby and not herself so I try to correct myself but I can tell she knew who I was talking about. Smart little thing, still referring to Tessa.
Abby yoans and all of a sudden it's a tornado drill where Tessa scoops her into her arms and carries her back to where we were sitting. Cradling her on the couch in her arms as she drifts off to sleep. She looks down at the couple month old and I can feel myself falling in love all over again. Not that I ever stopped or anything just that I didn't know I could love her more than I do but I have fallen for her again.
I check the time and it's almost been an hour since we got here and Karen said she'd be back before ten but it's only eight.
"Do you want me to put her in her crib or something?" I think that's what it's called, a crib. She looks at me in a thankful way and hands her to me. Walking with me over to Abby's bed, lighty placing her on the pink mattress and put a little blanket over her so she doesn't get cold. Tessa looks so vulnerable right now and there's nothing I could say to make her feel better. Instead of saying anything I wrap my arms around her and she holds back a tear. If she started crying over this then I would start to cry and I can't do that.
"It's okay," I reassure her and quickly step out into the hall with her still in my arms, closing Abby's bedroom door.
"I'm sorry." Why is she sorry? She did nothing wrong, I hate when she says sorry for something she can't control. It breaks my heart that she finds herself in those situations where nothing is her fault.
"No, no, no. Don't be sorry. Hey, look at me." She keeps her head in my chest with her hands hugged tightly around me. I pull her closer to me and bring her in my arms, carrying her to a different room. "Tess, baby. Please look at me," begging her to at least listen to me. I just want to stop the tears coming from her eyes that bring so much sadness to me. I mean with Landon's wedding coming up and everything else going on, I know she's scared. I am too but I don't think I'll ever say that out loud. Her sobbing calms down and she finally looks up and moves her head from my chest.
"I'm okay," it's short and I can tell so easily that she's not okay.
I'm usually not the positive one especially in these situations but I'm getting better if I'm being honest. Not much better but still. "Hey, hey we don't know anything yet. There's no way that we know for sure, and when it comes to that time than it does but right now I want and need you to be okay. Not just okay because you deserve so much better than okay and I don't know how or when but we'll get there."
"Hardin..." I cut her off so she can't ruin my great advice that's probably a once in a lifetime thing.
"For right now," this isn't going to make her feel better but it should distract her for a while. If she doesn't think about it maybe I can distract her enough to make sure that she doesn't have to worry until she needs to. Wow, the roles have surely reversed. I don't really know what to say. What do I say when my girlfriend is crying about not having kids whenever she can and she doesn't deserve to worry about that, or anything for that matter. How do I know what to say? Never had to deal with not having children but when it comes to Tessa, nothing's been the same. I no longer want to be alone forever, I no longer want to sleep with anyone other than her, and I didn't know how much I need her. She wanted marriage and kids and I was, still am a little, insecure about passing on my problems to anybody. I have cried and been angry at this ever since she told me.
       We sit there for a while with me holding her and playing with her soft, blonde hair in the meantime. I go to check to make sure she's no longer crying and I find her staring at the ground, eyes wide and she looks frozen. The only way I can tell that she's still in this room is her twirling a piece of string from my ripped jeans. Her phone buzzes but she doesn't move, I pick it up from beside me and make sure she can't see me with her phone. It's another text from Steph.
Hey bitch pick up
Instantly, I clench my fists and I want to stand up but feel Tessa moving on my lap, adjusting her head to face me.
"What are you doing." She doesn't pick her head up, only moving her head to the side to see what I was doing.
"When were you gonna tell me about Steph?" My voice is a little strained due to the fact that Steph is bullying Tess for no reason and I want to kill her. After seeing her afterwards I swear I was going to lose it.
"I...I," I don't know if I should push or leave it and call Steph. Tears start pouring out of her eyes and I can't help but push her closer to me and pick her up. Leading her to the closest bed in the ginormous household, setting her down on what looks like the guest bedroom and throw a blanket over her body. Following it is my body that I move as far near her as she wants. I stroke her hair and move her so her body is between my legs and the back of her head is laying in the middle of the chest. She snuggles in closer to me and I can feel her breathing getting heavier. I thought this would calm her down but it isn't so I bring my back up to the stack full of pillows and pull her up to a sitting position, her head in the crook of my neck, sobbing.
"It's okay Tess. You don't have to worry about a thing, I'll take care of everything and I'll even do the dishes." At least I got her to smile, I can feel it on my neck even with the wetness that fell from her blue-gray eyes. "You know I love you more than anything right," She nods her head. "And you can tell me anything, even if I don't like it. But maybe, you should go see your mum or something." She looks up, not all the way but enough to look at me and attempts to open her mouth and say something. "Before you say something and/or disagree with me... I think it would be good to see someone you trust."
"But I trust you," the cracks in her raspy voice breaks every bone in my body.
"I know babe, I think you should at least talk to her. I'll go with you if your mother allows it but I need you to be better. Please," I hate having to tell her to leave but it's best for her.
"Can you text my mother and ask if you can come or else I'm not going." She has no idea that I wouldn't go anywhere she isn't.
"Okay, but that will cost you a kiss." She kisses me with her moist lips, they're warm and feel like silk to me. I'm glad I took out my piercings so I can crash my lips into hers and not feel like I'm cutting her lip. Every inch of her drives me crazy and I'd rather have another piece of her than a metal piece on my face, deepening the kiss. I go to her mother's contact and type as if I were Tessa.
Hello mother, I was wondering if Hardin and I could stop by for a while? I miss you and I feel like I need to spend some time at home.
I send it and surprisingly she buys it. She's even letting me come with.
Sure Theresa. But if he does or says anything. He's out.
Doesn't surprise me when she adds the last part. I was getting worried that she didn't see the part where I was coming.
I press my lips to her neck and kiss her, traveling towards her ear just to say, "I love you."