Under the Blue Lights // Jake Kiszka

Not your fault

"I'm officially dating," I tell Dave, answering his question about how my weekend had been. He raises one eyebrow at me. "Cassie prepared this fancy dinner at her place and asked me to be her girlfriend by the end of it."

"Are you happy?" He questions, suspicion clear in his blue orbs.

I hesitate a second too long, cursing myself for that. "Yeah." My voice is barely a whisper.

"You don't seem happy."

"This beautiful girl, who I really like, asked me to be her girlfriend and I said yes. Why wouldn't I be happy?" The question is meant for Dave, but it seems more like I'm reasoning for myself.

"Maybe because you're in love with someone else."

Since I told Dave about the fateful threesome that led me to thirst after my best friend, he keeps saying I'm in love with Jake. At first, I would just laugh the thought away. Then, as I began to get confused about my own feelings, I started to harshly shut him up. But now that I've finally realized he's actually right, all I can manage to do is roll my eyes and softly say "We've been through this already," while playing with my salad. If Dave notices the change in my behavior, he decides not to talk about it.

"Well, congratulations then, I guess." He directs his attention back to his sandwich, I focus on my salad. We don't talk about that anymore.

But I think about it all day long. Every time I glance at Dave from my place at the reception desk, I think about how not happy I am. I mean, I'm not unhappy, but I'm definitely not happy either. And I think about Jake and his own reaction to my news.

He was still asleep when I got home, Greta curled up on the crook of his neck. I lay down next to him and placed a hand on his head, playing with some strands of his hair. He opened his eyes slowly and smiled when they found me. I smiled too, but I was sad and I guess my eyes gave away I had been crying not long before. His smile faded away and his brow furrowed with worry.

"Cassie asked me to be her girlfriend," I said softly.

"And what did you say?"

"I said yes." He nodded slightly, eyes watering, but he didn't let a single tear run down. "Do you think I should've said no?"

"No, I think it might be better this way. She's a good girl and you need someone to take care of you."

I lowered my hand and cupped his jaw, my thumb stroking his cheek. Jake leaned into the touch, closing his eyes for a second. I looked to his pale pink lips, his cupid's bow so perfectly drawn, so kissable. "You've always taken care of me. You still do."

"Yeah, but I'm your friend. It's different." They hurt, his words. I let out a pained sigh. Jake brushed a strand of hair behind my ear, then his thumb traced my jawline to my chin. He looked to my lips as well. "I love you, Lizzy. I couldn't bear to hurt you or live without you."

I know exactly what he meant; that's what's been holding me back as well. If we do something stupid and ruin our friendship, what am I gonna do with my life? How am I supposed to live without Jake?

"I love you too," I said softly, before leaning in and pressing my lips against his. It wasn't exactly a kiss. We didn't move, just stood there, with our lips touching for a while. It was Greta moving uncomfortably between us that made us pull away. "She likes you better than she likes me," I stated.

Jake breathed a laugh, running his fingers softly along her black fur. "That's because she knows I didn't want her at first. She's trying to make her way into my heart."

I'm taken out of my trance by a smiley Dave standing in front of me, my coat already hanging from his hand. "Wake up, sleeping beauty. Time to go."