The New Kid Conversion Treatment

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"Beeede! Now it's my turn!" Hop squealed. Bede retracted his arms from Hop's scalp as Hop nestled his fingers into Bede's.

"Heehhehehehaha!!" Bede screeched. 

It was nine in the morning, and class was soon to begin at Piggsilver High. Hop and Bede were at it again in their portion of the classroom, which most of their classmates went out of their way to avoid. Not one student bothered to question it as Bede and Hop had been together for over a year, and were notorious for their strange and ritualistic acts.

Hop massaged Bede's scalp, the puffy white sheen gliding seamlessly between his fingers, until he hit something sharp. "Ow!" Hop cried.

Bede stared up with a worried expression. "Hop? What's wrong?"

Eagerly, Hop reached deep into Bede's hair and pulled out some sort of card. It was a blue darker than the ocean, and silvery text shimmered along the side.

"Ohhh," Bede said. "That's that one girl's credit card. Sorry, Hop."

"Mokiika?" Hop tilted his head. Bede nodded. "The girl's head over heel's for me. She'll do anything I want."

While wrapping up their daily routine, Hop noticed someone in the reflection of Bede's glittering eyes. He turned around to see a pale girl with dark black hair staring at them, a horrified and disgusted expression on her face. "Who's that?" Hop gestured towards the girl.

"The new girl. Her name's Marnie, I think," Bede inquired.

It had been a long time since Hop had gotten in a class with a new kid AND Bede; since his last year of middle school, to be exact. "What should we do about 'er?" Hop turned to face Bede and his magnificent complexion.

Bede smirked. "What we did to the last one."

They called this: "The New Kid Conversion Treatment." In summary, they would intentionally become incredibly obnoxious beyond comprehension about their love during class to the point where the innocent victim would be forced to accept it as a casualty. However, the process normally took around a week at best.

Class soon began, but, as their teacher, Mr. Rose, continuously hit his head against his desk after watching the Bird Box movie on his laptop, Hop noticed Marnie turning to look in his and Bede's direction every ten or so seconds. Hop began to feel worried. "Bede? I don't think that girl approves of our love.. What should we do..?"

Bede took a moment to think. "Mmm, I dunno, Hop. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I say we move to Plan B."

Plan B? Hop thought, sweat beginning to drip down the sides of his face. Plan B was beyond comprehension-- a last resort-- a fail-safe.

Gently, Bede grabbed Hop's hand and held it in his. "It's alright, Hop. We'll get through this together."

Hop nodded. "Together."


As much as they tried, day one of Plan B was a complete failure. No matter how many sessions of caressing, holding hands, massaging, and kissing, Marnie remained unphased.

"We'll get her tomorrow, Hop. Don't get so down about it," Bede reassured him, but by the end of the day, Hop was convinced it was utterly hopeless.

Hop waved goodbye to Bede as they split paths from the school. Hop already missed the warmth of Bede's hand in his. He trudged silently along the wooded path until he began to hear a rustling in the bushes. Shrugging it off as a Buneary or Bede's wild fangirl, Mokiika, he ignored it and continued down the path until he heard it again.

"Mokiika, if that's you, Bede's at cart wheel practice!" Hop shouted into the brush, a sliver of frustration in his voice. Cart wheel practice occurred everyday at Piggsilver High, but Bede no longer had to attend, for he was now classified as a "Cart Wheel Veteran" after two solid years of devotion for the sole purpose of bragging rights. Hop thought it to be the perfect excuse as it would work for every one of his solo encounters with Mokiika.

However, as Hop turned the sharp corner that led directly to his house, a large figure jumped at him from the bushes. Hop screamed as the figure crashed onto him. But, as Hop regained his senses, he noticed he wasn't being attacked by Mokiika or an FBI agent, but rather his older brother, Leon.

"Leon, you ****** ****!" Hop snapped, dusting himself off after picking himself off the ground.

Leon chuckled. "Hey~."

Hop grew red with anger. "I hope you know this jacket alone probably costs more than your Na-Na-Na Surpise Doll collection!"

"Sorry," Leon laughed nervously. "I just got a li'l lost on my way back from the casino. Could you help me find my way back home, li'l bro?"

Ever since some random ten-year-old with an Octillery royally destroyed Leon's Pokémon team, Leon seemed to lose all hope in his life, and turned to gambling as an improbable solution to his depression. Although Leon used to live in his own apartment, he was unable to pay the rent, and out of rage and frustration, he burnt the whole place down and everyone with it, killing seventy-seven people and injuring nine, of which all died an hour later in the hospital. It is speculated that so many died because everyone who passed the apartment building felt too lazy to call the cops, and figured someone else would do it. The fire department arrived three days later.

"It's literally right around the corner!" Hop barked, pointing towards their house, which was about ten yards away down a clear path.

"Ohhhhhhh.." Leon glanced at the house. "I couldn't see because I was too busy staring at you~"

Hop jumped back, startled. Perhaps he had hit up that guy in the alleyway again selling that weird dragon magic drug? Leon had recently escaped from rehab, after all...

Hop gave Leon a flustered look. "Fatty."

While Hop shook him away, Leon kept grabbing at Hop's hands viciously, eventually leading to the point where Hop slapped him away and booked it towards the house.

Hop fiddled with his house key, taking at least five seconds to fit it into the door knob, which was enough time for Leon to gain speed. Hop dashed across the kitchen and made a beeline for the stairs until Leon caught up and pinned him against the living room wall.

What had gotten into him?!

At this point, Hop was terrified. Leon moved his face closer to Hop's. He could feel the warmth of Leon's musty breath on his lips. "L-L-Leon..." He stuttered. "W-what a-a-are you d-doing...?!"

Leon's cheeks were bright red. "Hop... senpai.."

Soon enough, Leon's lips met his in a reluctant, slobbery kiss. Hop managed to pull away. "L-Leon.. I can't.. You know my heart belongs to Bede..!"

Leon snarled. "You mean that jerk? That saved that pig? Oh, please. No one needs to know... Not even that jerk.. That saved that pig.."

Hop had no idea what he was going on about, but, once again, Leon's lips attached themselves onto Hop's, twice as wet than before, as he gave in to what he might have regretted the most in his entire life.

"Feisty... I like it..." Hop groaned.




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