Sidemen Oneshots

*Ethan - Nightmare*

This Oneshot was created around the song "Everything I wanted" by Billie Eilish, I would recommend listening to song first.

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Pairing : Ethan- Y/N

Word count: 1315

Warnings: Nightmares, Depression, Impressions of death and suicide, this could possibly be triggering to some people so please skip passed if so.

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You let out an ear piercing scream as you jumped awake. Your head was dripping with sweat as your body shook violently. You continued to scream as you kicked the covers from your body, the blanket also leaving your husbands body who was right next to you. He jumped awake as the flat filled with your screams. You had just woken up from a realistic nightmare and It was taking a while for you to grasp reality again.

"Y/N you're alright, you're alright" Ethan said frantically as he tried to calm you down, his arms wrapped tightly around you as you tried to fight him off.

"NO!" you screamed as you tried to get loose, your mind still not realising that you had woken up.

This wasn't the first time you and Ethan had been in this situation, it happened at least once a month. You had so much going on in your personal life that it seemed to translate into your dreams on a regular basis. Ethan knew you struggled a lot with depression, anxiety and the fact you believed you wasn't worth much, and he did his all-time best to help and support you.

"Y/N you need to calm down, it was all a dream" Ethan tried to reassure you, your body became weaker and weaker as you tried to fight back, your mind slowly coming to terms with where you were. At this point you had tears streaming down your face as you stared at a blank wall, your mouth slightly open, but your body was still slightly shaking. Your whole body weight leaned against Ethan whilst his arms were still wrapped around you, limiting the amount of control you had over your arms for both of your sakes.

"you're safe now darling, you're safe" He whispered in your ear as he gently rubbed your arm.

You took a deep breath in before gently placing your hand on his bicep, an action that you both knew to signal that you were now fully aware of what was going on. This had become routine when you had a nightmare this bad.

"Do you wanna tell me what happened?" he asked softly, his voice still quiet. He was now positioned so he was hugging you instead of his previous position of retainment.

You took a few seconds before giving a small nod. "I had a dream that I got everything I wanted" you whispered, your voice sounding hopeful. "But it's not what you'd think" your voice sounding more downhearted the more you spoke. "It might have been a nightmare to anyone who might care".

Ethan save a sad sigh under his breath as he knew exactly what your dream entailed.

"I thought I could fly, so I stepped off the golden" you explained, tears streaming down your face as you continued to just stare blankly at the wall. "nobody cried. Ethan, nobody even noticed. I saw them standing there, kinda thought they might care" at this point you were hysterically crying as the memories came flooding back to you, the whole thing was so real. You gripped Ethan and sobbed into his chest. The only sound that filled the house was the sound of you trying to gasp for breath in-between sobs.

"as long as I'm here, nobody can hurt you. If I could change the way that you see yourself, you wouldn't wonder why you hear they don't deserve you" Ethan told you softly as he rocked you back and forth, his head leaning onto of yours as he hugged you tightly.

He knew the pain overtook you sometimes and it killed him to hear some of the words that left your mouth, but it killed him even more  to know he couldn't do anything about It.

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The kettle boiled as you sat down at the island table, the coldness of the stool underneath you sent shivers up your spine. Ethan was opposite you, making a cup of tea for you both. The smell and the feeling of warmth from the tea against your lips seemed to always calm you down. Around half an hour had passed since you were both in the bedroom crying your eyes out. You had only managed to get through half of your story until you couldn't go any further, this was when Ethan suggested a cup of tea may help.

"How are you feeling now?" he asked you softly, breaking you out of your trance as he added some milk to the cups.

You looked up at him, seeing the worry plastered on his face caused a pain of guilt deep within your stomach to brew. "yeah, I'm feeling better now" You lied, giving a small nod. "Thank you" you added, both for the cup of tea and for everything he had done. In reality, you felt worse. The image of your dream played over in your mind, now guilt was added as you could see how exhausted Ethan was. He had been extremely busy with his career recently, he didn't need your silly dreams keeping him awake at night.

"You should go back to bed, you look exhausted" you said softly as you looked up from your tea, the warmth of the cup keeping you awake.

Ethan shook his head as he took a sip of his drink. "I'm not even tired" he said softly, which was clearly a lie due to the heavy circles under his eyes. "I'm staying up until I know you're alright" he added in a tone that you couldn't argue with, instead you just gave him a small smile.

"I think I'm ready to tell you the rest of the dream" you whisper after a few moments of the flat being silent. "if thats alright.." you add, being unsure If he even wanted to hear it.

Ethan quickly nodded and sat down on the stool next to you before taking your hand. "I'm all ears" he said softly, trying to lighten the situation.

You took a deep breath before continuing your story from where you left off. "I tried to scream.. but my head was underwater." you started, your eyes not leaving yours and Ethan's intertwined hands. "They called me weak, like I'm not just somebody's daughter" you added with a frown, tears threatening to run from your bloodshot eyes. "It could have been a nightmare, but it felt like they were right there".

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"if I knew it all then would I do it again?" Ethan said quietly into the microphone. "Would I let my girl slip so peacefully out of my arms and into a world where her mind would fully be at peace" he spoke. "My selfish answer would be no. She was the reason I got out of bed in the morning, the reason I worked so hard was to be able to give her the life she deserved, she was the reason I smiled after a tough day. However, this life was not the one for Y/N... she deserved better, she deserved to be happy and at peace. Im hoping she found that when she decided to leave this world. We will all cherish the way she laughed, the way she treated everyone with love and how she could light up a room just by being present. My heart aches for her absence, but I know this will not be forever."

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I'm so sorry for how sad and mentally violent this one shot was, I've had it in my head after listening to that song for a while now. I promise there will be some light hearted and nicer one shots very soon!

However, I hope you enjoyed!

Lots of love xox