‘I’m sorry’… ‘I’ll be back, I promise.’… ‘Saranghae…’
At first, these phrases repeated in my mind ambiguously, but that was only before he explained his unexpected departure. It was a whirlpool of emotions.
Yes, Lee Donghae was now at the path of becoming a Korean Marine, or let’s just say he already was one. Years have passed, thus making me witness nostalgia all over again. We met each other at times; our meet-ups were rare though. But I got used to it; I missed Donghae, of course. I’d run over this thought whenever I’d walk around the beach where the old carnival used to be at.
It was at dawn. I buried my feet under the sand, at the exact spot of where the Ferris Wheel was at 4 years ago. I gazed listlessly at the panoramic seaside, smiling to myself as thoughts or rather memories started to invade my mind. Sometimes I ask myself if all of this was a dream or not; was I standing here right now? Did the Carnival even exist? The memory has been stored inside my little world for so long, as time passed it slightly vanished.
I had no idea.
As I collected my memories, an unforgettable scene crossed my mind…
It was when Donghae and I were in highschool back then, or was it after highschool graduation; I couldn’t quite recall the details. The rain drops raced down my window, Seoul was gloomy. Song Kwangsik’s piano piece of ‘Reflection I’ played silently in the background. I stirred my cold left-over coffee and calmly listened to the perfect notes of the piano piece. I would consider this absolute relaxation. The notes danced in my ears, creating a sweet melody for me to seep in and truly feel the tune.
The somewhat calm aura was disturbed by a very loud knock coming from the front door. Two knocks, three knocks, four… I eventually stood up and walked towards the door.
I heard Donghae’s voice from the outside. He called out my name, and knocked again. The rain was getting worse, I didn’t hesitate to open the door; what I saw before my eyes was Donghae soaked wet, he was breathing heavily as if he ran a million miles, I couldn’t quite say that he was crying, his tears mixed with rain; his whole face was covered in raindrops, his disheveled hair was soaked. Donghae was shivering. His expression was depressed.
After he dried up and finished a hot cup of tea, that’s when I asked him what was wrong. He started off with the phrase ‘I won’t forget her… I couldn’t forget her…’ In a snap, I’ve fathomed that he was talking about Gyuri, his girlfriend since Sophomore Year. He told me everything; why they broke up, how unlikely this break-up went, for, it was only a few days until their anniversary. This was the first time I saw him cry, and I knew it pained him. I tried to understand what he was going through and luckily I did. He hugged me tightly and thanked me for being such a good friend. I’ve had to admit that I liked him ever since, I don’t know when though. But at this moment, I suppressed my own feelings and focused on comforting Donghae. He was devastated and probably shocked by what happened. He even told me that I was the only person he wanted to talk to regarding this matter.
A few years later in college, he completely moved on from Gyuri. Donghae and I spent time together more often in college, and they said it was inevitable for us to become a couple; and it happened.
The flashback dissolved in the back of my mind, and I found myself lying on the cold damp sand, I slowly opened my eyes to meet the rays of the sun, but I met the contrary. Rather, a shadow hovered over me, the shadow smiled sweetly.
“Excuse me, are you alright?” The shadow asked, I snapped back into reality. I wasn’t aware that I’ve drifted into sleep. My cheeks flush in crimson as I felt embarrassed. The shadow turned out to be a guy. A guy with brown hair brushed to the side. I sat down and shook my head, trying to get back to my senses.
