Phantom Chained

Epilogue. Ingrid.

The laminated floor moves incredibly fast under my feet, while the walls spin around the white entrance door. The feeling is similar to the one after you get off a treadmill. Funny how the word 'corridor' sounds like 'corrida'... The bulls get chased through the corridor to the corrida. But I'm not a bull, I'm a girl... can they use cows for bullfighting? The coral cow cornily continues into the corridor to the corrida.

For some reason, Elm's limping form appears in my mind.

If he offended me now, then I would hold back; he just stated his opinion, where's the harm in that? He could've said so many interesting things, but I didn't listen and just wanted him gone... and now I'm sitting here, bored. But Elm left and my gut is telling me that he isn't coming back.

The nurse opens the door and behind it is another corridor, this time with windows. It's too bright and my eyes begin to unwillingly tear up. I ask for some sunglasses from her, but it's no use. She continues to walk beside me, preparing to smile for visitors and security. She's a chubby Filipino girl by the name of Fabiola Estrada. She is gross and rude; of course she is an angel before others, but when it comes to me she's suddenly very bitter and angry. She doesn't smile at me. She still has ways to go until she reaches Clara's level of distaste, but still.

When I enter the visiting room, I am practically crying from the harsh light. Olaf looks at me, and his expression is utterly miserable. He gained weight and his receding hairline has almost reached his bald spot, probably from nerves. Matty also came today. But mom didn't; she has completely disowned me.

Mom believes that I killed four people. Olaf says that he believes me and not them. Matty doesn't believe anyone and is just here to chat. Matty is a good guy. He became taller and slimmer over the last year. He brought me books and chocolate. Funny, he says he likes how my hair has grown. I try to smile as I drag my hand across my shaved head. He's right, it has grown back... have to shave it again. I'll ask Fabiola Estrada to pass it on to Them that I need it... long hair smells of vomit and death.

I am actually fine with the fact that mom hasn't come. I always imagine how she would sit in front of me, legs crossed, and look at me with resentment and try to do everything to make it obvious. And then she would start to scream at me, saying things like I ruined her life and now she is embarrassed to show herself to people...  And I would only cry and beg her to stop, and keep repeating that I did not do a single thing that they are accusing me of. Have you noticed how it's always harder to prove the truth?

I don't need to prove anything to Olaf and Matty, but it drives me up the wall how they talk to me as if I'm sick, and it's never a good thing when I'm angry; reality starts to wobble and turn into non-reality where it's heavy and uncertain. But I found a simple solution: I just need to squeeze and release the hand that's missing a finger, which causes a phantom pain where my palm was burned through, bringing non-reality back to reality.

They told me that I bit the finger off myself, and diagnosed me with a stupid name that I cannot remember. They are right that the burn was my idea, but the finger? Why am I not biting off my fingers now, then? They think that their pills and injections help, but the fact that my story is nothing but true simply does not exist to them.

Matty tells me about his attempts to contact Sophie and Johan, but there has been no progress so far. Their grandparents only know that they moved to Helsinki.

And to think even Hannah thinks that I murdered Sophie's parents... my soul hurts so much that I begin to squeeze my hand without thinking about it... how, how could they think that? How could I possibly do it? Well, alright, there is a chance that I could've overpowered Caroline, but Raul? How?

I can't even begin to imagine what Sophie and Johan think.

So what if the axe had my fingerprints on it? When I regained consciousness I was greeted by the half-corpses of my friends and a complete corpse of Cherry. I took the opportunity that Clara wasn't there to take the axe, and it was only for self-defense. I mean, I did stand in the middle of the room with the axe in my hand when the police barged in, but what does it prove? I waited for Clara, but only the police came. There weren't any of her fingerprints anywhere, obviously, cause how do you expect a century-old corpse to have them? I try to explain that but nobody believes me. Not even Olaf. Not even Matty.

Only Elm believes me.

But he left and is never coming back.

Pity.